I Was Thinking-

[Nightkit]

I Was Thinking, I Was Over thinking

^{A Siloquy}

Empty, is the sky before the sun wakes up.

It doesn't take much to get me thinking about her.
To get me thinking about what she was to me.
To get me thinking about what happened.
It was less then 2 years ago.
She was in a car accident,
but that's not what killed her.


Empty, is the eyes of animals in cages

I was born in 1994, in a town called Ravensburg. A peaceful town in Germany. I lived in a small house on the outskirts of town, with my mother and my father.
My life was decent enough, Dad had a job for a photography company, and my mother worked at home. We never had a problem with money, mostly because we rarely spent it. My aunt and older cousin, Boyce, lived upstairs. My aunt never got a home of her own after her divorce, so we took her and her son in. It wasn't much of a problem, she got a job and took care of her half of the bills. My cousin was fun, we played together often, the 3 year age difference never seemed to get in the way.
I wasn't much for friends, wasn't brave enough to make any close ones.
Sure, I knew most of the kids in my neighborhood. Adali, the girl up the street who waved to me every day on her way to school. Varick, the boy who who liked to give me his lunch everyday. Garin, the neighborhood 'Bully'. So on and so forth.
At age 7, something changed for me. A girl moved into our neighborhood, she was small for her age. Her name was Viheke.
I hadn't thought much of this new girl. Not until I found her on my street, being chased by Garin.
I could see them from my window, and I knew it wouldn't end well.
He caught up to her, and grabbed her by her wrists.
She yelled for help, and a sort of rush went through me.
By the time I was out of my house, Garin already had her money and was strolling away carelessly. I ran to him, and demanded that he give the money back.
He laughed at me, and I yelled at him. I made an attempt to grab the money from him myself, and was rewarded with a punch to the face, and a kick to the stomach.
He ended up walking away with the money, and leaving me on the ground, trying not to cry.
Eventually I got back up and looked around. Viheke was gone, and I felt sick to my stomach.

The next day there was a knock on the door, and it was Viheke, with a hand made thank you card.
From there we became friends. She came to my house every day, and when she didn't, I would go to hers and check on her.
As my cousin began to get more caught up with school and the older kids, he began to find less and less time to spend with me. Which was fine, it meant more time with Viheke.

2 weeks before my 9th birthday, my cousin was taken away. His father had somehow won custody of him. His mother was devastated, and so was I.
I stayed in my room for two days, not speaking to anyone. Until Viheke finally got me to snap out of it. For a week or two, she was the only one I bothered speaking to.
It seemed to only get worse from there.
When I was 10, I lost my mother. There was a terrible car accident. Her, 2 other pedestrians, and the drivers of both cars were killed.
Viheke comforted me the best she could, but on the day of the funeral, I ran away. I couldn't bare it.
I wasn't there for my mothers funeral, and I'll never forgive myself for that.

Everything seemed to darken after that. I found myself hiding in a shell of my own, only to be pulled out by Viheke.
Eventually, she managed to bring me out of my she;; completely. I was still racked with sadness and guilt about what happened, but I didn't let it stop me.

My companionship with Viheke, grew into a relationship. It happened one night when she asked me about how I felt about her. I couldn't lie. I cared about her so much, maybe even loved her, as childish as it sounds.

Around her, life became simple again, there was no guilt eating at me. No sadness threatening to take over. Only calm simplicity.

Empty the faces of women in mourning
when everything has been taken from them.


(I'll finish translating the rest later)