Post by carol12 on Feb 15, 2011 15:21:53 GMT -6
Please critique this!!
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[Untitled]
When I was a little child, I was mortal, unknowing what lay ahead of my future. My mom died bearing me, my father died soon after, having a heart attack. No one was there to save them. My eyes searching, I petted the large cat who raised me. Her name was Kiana. She named me Katana, teaching me their language. I was only five. I was only a week old, when my father died. Kiana found me by her den, her heart full of love. Her cubs died, while she was bearing them, so she raised me. I was the one she cherished.
My thumb in my mouth, I raised my head and blinked, forgetting that I was pure human. I would never be one of her kind, but she loved me and I loved her. I reached out for her and purred loudly, waking her. 'It is time.' I whispered. 'Yes. It is time.' She murmured back. She nuzzled me and led me out of the den and into the sunshine. Licking me lovingly, she wrapped herself around me and purred. The sunshine peering into the fold of her, I came out, transformed. I sighed wonderfully and laid back my ears. Though I was human, she had raised me, finally transforming me to the look-a-like mother who raised me. My tail swayed back and forth and she spoke to me, teaching me how to hunt. Standing now, I nodded. 'It is time you learned how to hunt.' She murmured. Crouching, she showed me how to get into position. I crouched on my legs, my hands outstretched, my claws glinting. I snarled and positioned myself into a fearful crouch. Practicing on a young deer, I sprinted forward silently.
Letting out a fearsome screech, I sprang, and killed the deer with a swipe. I looked at Kiana in approval and she smiled.
Is this good?
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[Untitled]
When I was a little child, I was mortal, unknowing what lay ahead of my future. My mom died bearing me, my father died soon after, having a heart attack. No one was there to save them. My eyes searching, I petted the large cat who raised me. Her name was Kiana. She named me Katana, teaching me their language. I was only five. I was only a week old, when my father died. Kiana found me by her den, her heart full of love. Her cubs died, while she was bearing them, so she raised me. I was the one she cherished.
My thumb in my mouth, I raised my head and blinked, forgetting that I was pure human. I would never be one of her kind, but she loved me and I loved her. I reached out for her and purred loudly, waking her. 'It is time.' I whispered. 'Yes. It is time.' She murmured back. She nuzzled me and led me out of the den and into the sunshine. Licking me lovingly, she wrapped herself around me and purred. The sunshine peering into the fold of her, I came out, transformed. I sighed wonderfully and laid back my ears. Though I was human, she had raised me, finally transforming me to the look-a-like mother who raised me. My tail swayed back and forth and she spoke to me, teaching me how to hunt. Standing now, I nodded. 'It is time you learned how to hunt.' She murmured. Crouching, she showed me how to get into position. I crouched on my legs, my hands outstretched, my claws glinting. I snarled and positioned myself into a fearful crouch. Practicing on a young deer, I sprinted forward silently.
Letting out a fearsome screech, I sprang, and killed the deer with a swipe. I looked at Kiana in approval and she smiled.
Is this good?
