M O U S E

[Crevicelight]

Note : I would like to say that this story was inspired by the Native American "initiation" ceremonies where the young men would have to kill their first buffalo, steal a horse from another tribe, or just receive their first victory on the battle field. I would warn you, for if you cried while watching Bambi, I would advise you not to read this, for there will be some slight references to Bambi in this. This is still a rough draft / concept, so the story might be tweaked a bit over time. Any criticisms, suggestions, comments will be appreciated. I might also create this story into a comic with volumes and editions, or animate the story into a "television show" like style, where there would be episodes and so on. So this would only be the first volume first edition, or first episode. Enjoy.<3

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Chapter One: The Great Hunt.

"Three, two, one!" Barks were shot into the air as four juveniles - Swift, a black male, Shimmer, a gray speckled female, Mouse, gray female, and Counter, very dark brown male - ran off into the forest. Not only was the forest home to the wolves, but also to other respected creatures, such as the deer, hare, and crow. Every wolf present were excited to see who would be the first to return from the hunt, for it was an old pack tradition the elders created years back regarding this day.

It was the first day of spring, meaning that the pups were now a year old, ready to begin their first hunt. It was for the white hare that they were searching for, since the forest only had one white hare every year. The rest were grays, browns, blacks, or patched. Whoever brought home the white hare to the alpha would be rewarded with training with one of the generals, while the other three would be given the rank of just juvenile. The other would already be given an immediate rank. 

And this is where my story begins. 

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A hunt is not always what you think it is. Pups grow up thinking that the first hunt is just like a big game, and this year's was harder than ever. It was only my littermates who were born that year, so it was sibling against sibling. Usually there would have been another litter or two, but not that year. 

See, we were bigger than most because we were all pups of the alpha, and our lineage can go back to the dire wolves. During the hunt, we all seperated ways, determined to find the hare for ourselves. It was hunt or be hunted, and once I caught sight of the prize, my brother, Swift, came in the way, attempting to steal the hare from me. Out of the pursuit, I began to chase both wolf and hare. Swift was the quickest of us, so I had some trouble catching up to him, so instead, I did what I did best - howl to call my other two siblings. 

Surely enough, the two arrived in the knick of time and too started chasing Swift, while I just sat and watched the hunt. A hunt can go on for days, but luckily, wolves can go on without eating for weeks. After watching the chase for a while, I saw that the hare was missing from the picture, and realized that since my siblings were already too busy with one another, the hare would be mine. 

Into the thickets I went, and the smell was terrible. Death lurked behind every bramble, whether poisoned, or gone insane. It was like if this was the cementary for the fallen, but no one would dare to give their respects to those around here - not unless it they wanted to be the next victims of death.

Everything was contained, and the only two possible ways to get into here was through the forest and the prairie, but this part was closer to the prairie. No wonder hardly anyone came to this part of the forest. Deer looked at me, unalarmed, used to the hunting tradition. They knew that I was after the white hare, so they just minded their business. Under the law of the wolf, I was only to kill what I would be able to eat, so there was no need to kill anything anyways. We just ate right before the hunt, after all. Taking a sniff of the dirt, I smelled hare, and the smell was strong. It was just here since I was able to smell Swift too. 

Hot on the trail, I was excited. I would be the one who would train under Golden Moon's eye! Just think about it - Mouse the weak being the great hunter of this year's hunt. I leapt over bramble over bramble, avoided sandpits, and came to the plains. The plains. I returned to the thicket, hearing stories of wolves easily getting shot by man in the plains. It was open land after all, and the forest was part of the wildlife reserve. The hare was out there though - somewhere.

And then I felt Swift running passed me, and after that, a shot rang in the air. That was the end of Swift. His body, the beautiful black that it was, was the only thing that remained. In the background, I heard the crows begin their mournful call for theirs, to alert the alpha that his eldest son was now one with the grasses.

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Chapter Two : The Gags

A season passed since Swift's departure, and my parents were still in mourning. The pack was growing weak due to the weak leadership that my parents were presenting. On the other hand, Counter, Shimmer, and I were cast into the ranks of juveniles. See, after the crows reached my father, the hunt was called off, and though technically I was the closest to the hare, I did not catch it. There went my shot with Golden Moon.

So I was stuck in the den of juveniles, not too bad, but the den was really packed. Like I had to constantly readjust myself just so that someone's butt would not land on my face. Disappointing, I know. Suddenly, a noise was heard from the camp, and I was lost. No patrols were out, and all wolves were supposed to be in their dens now that it was late.

"Shimmer! Counter!" I whispered, trying to alert my siblings. Unfortunately, none of them awoke. I was the only juvenile awake, and the generals were off in a meeting with my parents. A chill ran down my spine, making me really uncomfortable. The pups were left unguarded.

I ran out of the den, and headed straight for the den of the alphas, wanting to reach my younger siblings before whoever it was did.

"Aw, Crim, look at these widdle babies. Can we eat them? Pleeeaaassseeee? We haven't had real food in weeks." That was all I needed to hear.

"Drop the pups!" I growled, blocking the entrance of the den. This way, they would only be able to escape passing me. If I knew who these wolves were, I would have let them mind their own business, but I was too young to know who I was dealing with.

Luckily, I heard one of the pups be placed back onto the ground, but then the stranger came closer to me, and once his frame was glowing under the moonlight I could not breathe. "Look Crim. One of their younglings trying to protect the pups."

The second wolf, who I assumed was named Crim, came closer to me, and I was mortified. This was the wolf that was talked about during storytime! I immediately knew that this was bad. This was - he then sniffed me, and gagged. "She's the alphas'. We'll take her instead."

And with that, I was picked up by the scruff, and though I did try to  warn my parents, I was constantly gagged by some sort of herb that Crim kept slipping into my mouth. I was now a hostage, but at least the pups were spared.

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Chapter Three : The Agreement

We traveled throughout the entire night, and the two let me walk once we were a good distance away from home. It was not the forest that I was used to, we seemed to be climbing up and down a canyon of some sort, and my paw pads kept hurting.

The two kept arguing about something - some wolf named Tyskmoskye? I was lost, but did not dare to ask. I actually did prefer them not speaking to me, that way they did not have to keep looking back at me, so I decided that take a break and give myself a groom. A wolf always had to look presentable after all.

"And what do you think you're doing?" Crim asked, not hearing my steps behind him. He came closer to me, and looked me in the eyes. "You're not homesick, are you?"

The reds in his eyes, now that we were under the moonlight, reminded me of blood, and I turned away. Sure, I missed home, I was dying to return, but I had to be strong for my pack. They would come for me one day, hopefully Golden Moon would lead the rescue party and save me from Crim and his henchwolf. "What are you going to do to me?" I growled, knowing that I could not trust this wolf. I would go along with him, but there was no trust in him.

Crim then smiled, as if enjoying this whole kidnapping. "Well, your parents are going to have to come find me if they want you back." he started. "You will be safe with my pack, and you will be as long as your parents do not come for you. I would rather for you to train with one of the nannies, yes, I like your energy, and the pups would enjoy it too. Would you like to become one of the nannies? You would get fed before the hunters after all."

As kind as Crim was right now, I refused to give in, and got up, and walked over to the other wolf. This one was smaller in size compared to Crim, but larger than me. "Can you uhh. . .  tell me about your pack?" I squeaked to him. He was more reserved than Crim, even though hearing him ask about eating my siblings was not as welcoming. After hours with him though, he seemed. . . decent.

"First off, I have a name." he snorted. "It's Blood, well actually Bloodbath, and that wolf you were speaking to," he was referring to Crim, "is my father, Crimsonfire. Tell me. What's your's?"

Crimsonfire? I could not believe it. That was his full name! I always thought it was just Crim, but I guess not. Bloodbath? Now that was a much weirder name. "Mouse." I simply said.

"How ironic." Crimsonfire sneered, barging into the conversation. "We caught you, just like a mouse. Just like how your brother ran into the prairie. Didn't your parents tell you not to leave the forest?"

"Crim, enough already. She's still a youngling after all."

I seriously did not like Crimsonfire at all, but felt a bit better once Bloodbath spoke up.

And then, Crimsonfire and Bloodbath stopped their tracks, causing myself to nearly fall off the ledge of a cliff. Luckily, Crimsonfire caught me just in time and hauled me back to safety. "Your new home's down there."

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Chapter Four : to be written

[Swallowkit]

Awesome piece of writing.

Yes, people, that is nature. Or what has become of it because of humans .

Critiques: You should describe the setting and appearance of the wolves. When you said the smell was terrible, you could also have put other senses in there, so the people reading it could get more of a feeling.

I shall have a high degree as a writing teacher or editor XD

[Sootpaw]

same exactly what swallowkit said

[Crevicelight]

I added a bit of each that you two suggested.

For the setting, it will be more developed in further chapters, since chapter one was just an introduction.

[Nyx]

Amazing. -claps-
I love the adjectives used. Also, the plot is great. I'm excited to see more!

[Crevicelight]

added chapter two and three.

not sure if they ruined the story or not, but if they did, I will take them out.

also, I decided that this will be a comic, not an animation.

[Nyx]

Oh, wow. This is just... amazing. I wish I could write like you. ;w;
It looks like it's Mouse x Blood. They would be a pretty good couple. And it seems like Bloodbath likes Mouse... does he?

[Crevicelight]

Bloodbath likes Mouse, but Mouse likes Golden Moon (the guard she wanted to train with) at this point. who knows? something might change.(;

[Nyx]

Oh. Oh. xD
I can't wait to see it be written out!