baby daddy (p)

[Rowansky]

the gradual weight gain was the first sign.

sure, rowansky was, by now, an experienced queen. she knew what to do, what happened during pregnancies, and even how to deal with talking to the father of the litters in different situation. but she swore for the first few weeks that it was only because she'd been having a ridiculous craving for trout that just did not want to go away. "i just need to get out more, stop sitting around all day." or "no, i'm provably just looking at my reflection from a weird angle. were her most common excuses. yes, she was a mom. why she tried convincing herself she wasn't going to be one again was probably because of events rowansky never wanted to mention ever again.

though she could only keep up the act until her belly literally looked like she swallowed a boulder by the rockclan borders. and then she finally accepted it. she was, indeed, going to have another set of rascals in a few moons. she got herself together, planned everything out, made sure she was healthy, and prepared herself for the next phase: telling the dad. and it's supposed to be easy—she knew him, and he seemed to be really nice. except it was more complicated than that.

so, yes, she may have put it off longer and longer. until now. "oh, hello, lostpath! sorry, i'm kinda taking up a lot of space lately," she laughed a little too nervously.

( woops got long Lostpath 8) )

[Lostpath]

The tom never expected he'd have children. To be honest, he'd never even thought about it before—if he had, he'd probably come to the conclusion that yes, he did love kits, and he wouldn't mind having them, but 'knock up a girl and have some babies' wasn't really on his bucket list. He'd much rather settle down with someone before even thinking about having a little army of Lostpath genes.

His mind was more or less blank as he walked through camp—that was, until he bumped into Rowansky. Their relationship was fairly complicated. He'd recognized the warm, fluttery feeling he felt around her. He had realized that he'd liked her some time ago, around the time when Lightfall died, but he'd dismissed it as a crush. He knew there was no way they could ever be together if he wanted to.

"Hi," he responded, his voice a little small and nervous. Did she know? Could she tell? He needed to be less nervous. She'd figure it out, he was sure. Doubts ran through his head, bumping and pushing into each other as he took in what she said. At first he was a little confused, until he realized that she was bigger than before. Much bigger. "Oh, it's n-not really noticeable," he said with a small, nervous laugh. That was a lie. She was clearly pregnant. His heart nearly dropped in his chest. "Are you… uh, having a litter?" 

[Rowansky]

rowansky wanted to take a moment to glare at her chest and shush her heart because honestly, it was starting to hurt. the continuous pounding against her ribcage was almost enough to make her forget that what she was experiencing right now was a big thing in the "things queens shouldn't do" list. almost. it was stupid, irresponsible, and would cause too much pain for both parties, but rowansky never really listened to rules very well.

it was cute seeing lostpath so flustered around her. and it wasn't as though the ginger queen was self-centered (except for those times when she looked into the water a little too long) but rather it was different to see one of her kittens' fathers react like this instead of the whole "oh, congratulations. i guess i'm a dad, which i didn't expect." shtick. the smile on her face would've earned her a slap in the face from both her sisters.

she laughed a bit, the amused snort that always just seemed to happen around the tom and nobody else. "not really noticeable, huh? you sure you don't need to get those eyes checked today, lost?" she joked lightly. his eternal politeness only made her quiet hyperventilating worse. "wellll..." she dragged out, pretending to be lost in thought, "it could be that or i accidentally ate an apprentice while i was sleep-eating two nights ago." rowansky really shouldn't like this guy so much. "but, um, yeah, kits. the herb duo told me it was gonna be a fairly big litter, too, so that's gonna be swell."

[Lostpath]

Her smile made Lostpath's heart flutter. He knew he shouldn't have felt that way—there was obviously no way they could be together. Queens were meant to breed with the toms of the clan and keep the population going. That's why he told himself it didn't mean anything. The feelings would go away soon enough, and there was no doubt that the queen didn't feel the same way. At least in his mind. Still, the tabby often found himself hoping that there was someway around it, or that Robinfrost would change the rule.

If the guy had been thinking straight, he'd realize there was a chance the kits were his. But he wasn't thinking straight—it wasn't really possible when he was around her, and he believed they were someone else's. The thought made him upset. He chuckled at her words. "Eye, right?" He laughed, but it ended awkwardly, and he glanced away. What a lame joke, Lost. He suddenly grew extremely self conscious about his scarred eye. How would such a pretty, young female like such an ugly guy?

He laughed, maybe a little too loudly, at her joke, his ear tips instantly growing warm. I'm such an idiot. Idiotidiotidiotidiot. He felt like he needed to impress her, despite the fact that they could never be together. "That'll be a handful…" he said with a small laugh, glancing at her stomach. "And… w-who's the father?" He asked, chewing on the inside of his cheek nervously. Do I really want to know?

[Rowansky]

rowansky shifted her weight around, her paws refusing to still for more than five seconds at a time. standing was getting progressively harder for her to do - and once again, she'd been a queen for a fairly long time, so she really ought to know all of this - but it just felt weird sitting down when lostpath was standing. rowansky wanted to be able to gauge his reaction and look him in the eye whilst she told the information she'd unfairly withheld from him for quite some time. she already made things so hard for the tabby warrior; acting like lostpath should be the one carrying all the responsibility of knowing they were toeing a line that was never meant to be crossed was something rowansky would never allow herself to do.

rowansky's green eyes narrowed in entertainment, but she knew lostpath wasn't so accepting of his disability. she never quite understood why he harbored that kind of thinking when she herself was so constantly in awe with the ideas that even with limited vision, he was still able to do what he needed to do instead of retiring early and giving up his warrior titles. she bit her tongue, a tad lost in a silent debate, and the orange-pelted queen approached him. she pushed her nose up against his chin - the highest part she could reach without straining - in reassurance. "don't do that. it'll start raining if you keep doing that, and i don't really think it's good for the kittens for their irresponsible mom staying out and getting a cold," she said, pulling away.

"oh, they definitely will be. they're already fussing around in there!" she sighed, shaking her head at her belly as if to chide her unborn children. as if on que, rowansky let out a tiny squeak when a particularly hard kick pressed against her stomach. "hey, hey, chill, guys! it's gonna be a while still, dear CloudClan." she looked at lostpath with a roll of her eyes, gesturing as if to say: "can you believe them?" but the inevitable question rowansky had been preparing for came sooner than she thought, and the easygoing smile she wore turned a little nervous. "well, um, that's actually part of the reason why i was walking around - to, um, look for the dad."

she paused, unsure, but swallowed her nerves and pressed on. "and i'm at least 99.9% sure he's, uh... that he's you, actually."

[Lostpath]

Lostpath was usually a pretty observant guy. If he hadn't been so nervous and flustered around Rowansky, he would have noticed how she shifted her weight, and other reasonable signs that she might have been just as nervous as he—for another reason entirely, of course. The male tensed , though it was only a slight reaction and he was fairly sure she wouldn't have noticed, and she pressed her nose against his chin. His heart began to throw itself against its cage, more viciously than before, and he tried to make sure she couldn't see how heavily he was breathing. Does it mean anything? No, she's a queen. She doesn't like me. But what if it does mean something? So many thoughts similar to those we're running through his head, that he barely caught what she was saying.

He blinked at her, honestly not knowing how to respond. It was partly because of the way she was pressed against him, and partly because he hadn't known that she'd realized how insecure he was about his ugly scars. "I-I'll try not to 'akeit r-rain then…" he responded, stumbling over quite a few of his words. When she pulled away, he felt as if he could properly breathe again, though he did feel slightly saddened by the fact that she had left. Why couldn't she have stayed pressed against him for just a little longer? Maybe then he could've regained his 'cool' and said something that actually sounded good.

Lostpath let out a laugh, trying to keep it down this time so he didn't disturb the whole Clan again. He opened his mouth to respond, but was saved when she started speaking to her unborn children. He turned his head to the side slightly, trying to see her full belly as if he could see the kittens. Of course he didn't, and instead saw a rather large stomach and looked away, as if it was some private thing that males weren't supposed to see. He gave a small shake of his head as she looked at him in exasperation, a cat-like smile curling his lips upward.

When the queen began to answer his question, the tom looked around the clearing for any possibilities. No immediate options came to mind—most of the males that were wondering around were apprentices. He turned back to Rowansky, a slight frown on his face, when she told him. They were his. He stared at her blankly, taking a minute to process her words. "M-mine? How is that possib—" It was possible. He cut himself off as he realized just how possible it was. Blood came rushing into his ears, and he felt them pounding as he thought it over.

I'm going to be a father. I'm going to be a father. He wasn't the best at thinking things through. What did it mean? "S-so I'm a… a father?" He let it sink in for a moment, before he began to panic slightly. "Does this mean I need to b-be your mate? What if I-I'm a terrible father?" He rambled, not realizing that she had kits with toms all the time. His face grew warm. "S-sorry..!"

[Rowansky]

it was probably—no, scratch that, it was—a bad idea to initiate too much physical contact. the day she gave up serving her clan by being a warrior to becoming a mother and giving to her home in a different way, she knew the rules of the deal. she could carry the kits of any tom in the clan if they wanted to pass on their genes, but she would never be able to have any sort of romantic relationship with them. rowansky understood it; it was for the best for both sides. and what she was doing right now was absolutely not the best.

though that didn't really prevent her from feeling her heart soar at the slightest bit of contact, and how her breathing seemed to hitch with every prolonged stare. it was torture, and rowansky hated it. hated every second of every day that she would never be able to pursue her dream of settling down with someone with her own little family. she loved her job, but sometimes the tabby wished she didn't have to follow every single rule. "hm? what was that? it was like a bug just flew past my ears," she teased, "nah, i'm just joking."

it was amazing, really, how much she had come to adore the scarred male she was talking to. it was as if every flaw he had weren't even flaws—just things that made him more imperfectly perfect. it truly hurt rowan, to stand there and long for things she'd never have, but at least, she convinced herself, she could have whatever they shared—their soon-coming litter. a taste of what that life she wanted. "do you really want me to explain how it's possible?" she asked jokingly, though it really was just a way to conceal her anxiety. "they're yours, lostpath."

she frowned a little. "you're going to be great, seriously. stop doubting yourself too much," she chided, "but, um, n-no, actually. we—i—can't have a mate. at least, not a permanent one. but please, don't let thay discourage you from visiting your kits. or me. i'd hate to lose a... a friend." rowansky hoped he didn't notice the cringe of her face at the word friend.

[Lostpath]

Lostpath held his breath, not daring to move in fear that she'd leave. The seconds seemed to drag by, but he was loving every minute of it. If only he had the courage to do something like this—to press against her, to cuddle up to her. But even if he did, he would refrain from doing so. It only made him want her, want to be with her, more than he already did. Why does she have to be a queen? He stared at the space immediately in front of his eyes, not moving his head at all. No. Why did I have to fall for her? It was a good question. There was a clan full of females, and he had to choose the only one he couldn't have.

When she spoke, the tom stiffened slightly. He chewed on he he inside of his cheek nervously, before relaxing. She was only joking. She didn't think he was too quiet. I am too quiet. Everyone knows it. He hated that he was so shy and quiet, but he could never get himself to be peppy like the other warriors. He wasn't good at socializing—that was all there was to it. He let out a soft laugh. "I hope I'm not that quiet," he responded in the quietest voice possible. He knew he should pull away, but he didn't want to. It would only hurt both of them.

He winced, turning his head away. "N-no, please don't," he responded awkwardly, screwing his eyes shut. He remembered… everything, now that she had brought it back. How had he let himself do that to her? Sure, she was supposed to have kits, but he didn't want to have kits unless it was with someone he could settle down with. And she was the only one he wanted, so he hadn't been expecting kits. As she spoke again, he slowly opened his blue eyes. "I… I believe you," he said in a very quiet voice, watching her with wide, frightened eyes. 

Doubting himself was something Lostpath always did. He doubted himself left and right—he always had. But when she told him to stop, he wanted to. He knew he wouldn't. "B-but I don't… I don't know how to be a father," he responded biting his lip in anticipation. "D-do I meet them?" He asked quietly, looking around the area. He didn't see any kits. He wasn't sure he was ready too. ...a friend. His eyes widened a fraction. It felt like someone had stabbed him through the heart with a knife. He clamped his jaws shut, not wanting to betray anything in his voice. He nodded, before turning away to leave. He didn't want Rowansky to see him cry.

[Rowansky]

rowansky hummed a small, pleased noise. "and now you're sarcastic too, huh? this is a whole new side to you, lost. i feel like i hardly even know you!" and although the light, nonchalant tone was there in her voice, rowansky felt the truth of her words sting. she did feel like she didn't know lostpath anymore—that she didn't in the first place. and cloudclan, she wanted to know more. wanted to explore the inner workings of his mind, every single imperfection and quirk there was to find in him. it was ridiculous just how hard they were making this situation for themselves. but what could rowansky do when she'd fallen well and truly for the tom she knew she'd never be able to freely love and call her partner in life.

rowansky subconsciously licked at the bulge of her belly as if to reassure her unborn children that everything was going to be fine, and they'd live a life when they could look at her and lostpath and know that they'd be together forever. that wasn't at all the case, and she couldn't stop the bittersweet smile on her face from showing. "mm, yeah, i didn't want to get into that topic either," she chuckled. the ginger queen, true to her reckless nature, pressed the tip of her nose to his shoulder for the slightest of moments. you're with me. don't be nervous. as illegal and impossible as this is, please don't fret.

"okay, honestly, lostpath, you're going to be fine. no tom knows how to be a dad for the first time—you'll learn as you get through it. besides, i'm their parent, too, so it's kind of a team effort." no, no, don't think about that. think about anything else but the seven of you as one big family. stop thinking about before you hurt yourself, ro. "you'll be able to see them when they come. i'm not that far from giving birth to these kiddos, and trust me, you'll know when the time comes."

rowansky realized her mistake well after she'd already done it. her heart sank to her paws as she watch lostpath turn away. oh god, i screwed up. the orange-pelted she-cat reached out for him. "w-wait. where.. where are you going?" she meekly called out, green eyes glistening with unshed tears. she curled in a little into herself, tail against her stomach. i screwed up so bad, and now he's going to leave. i'm so stupid!

[Lostpath]

Lostpath gave her a small smile, looking away shyly. "I guess so," he responded with a small shrug, his smile widening. He swung his head back to face Rowansky when she continued on, meeting her eyes while he spoke. "Maybe we should get to know each other then," he responded, nervousness clear in his voice, but he tried to appear as confident as possible. After a moment he looked away bashfully, ear tips burning. He wanted to get to know her better, obviously, but he wished he didn't have to be so awkward about it.

The tabby tom felt her press her muzzle into his shoulder, and, once again, he stood still. He didn't know how to react—he knew he shouldn't do anything affectionate in return. He wasn't allowed to do things like this. He wasn't allowed to fall in love with a queen. But he couldn't help himself as he returned the gesture, smiling shyly at her as he pulled away. I shouldn't have done that. Why did I? It only embarrassed the tom, though he couldn't help as his mind strayed to images of he and Rowansky together, but not just as friends.

Her words comforted him, and Lostpath found himself nodding. "Yeah, I guess y-your right," he responded, flicking his tail in agreement. He still couldn't control his nerves as they leapt and ran in all different directions. What if he did fail? He wanted to be the best dad he could be. Teamwork? "Y-you mean like a… a family?" The tom cringed when he said the word, shaking his head. "No, I-I'm sorry. That… that won't happen." Honestly, Lostpath didn't know what he was saying anymore. He should have shut up a long time ago.

He paused when she asked, turning around to look at her. He couldn't tell if the strange shine in her eye was the lighting or tears. Probably the lighting. She had no reason to cry. The knife that went through his heart tiwsted, giving him a weird feeling in his gut. He didn't want to face her. "I-I don't know—anywhere. Nowhere." He turned away again, regaining his bearings. "It doesn't matter, anyways," he muttered, his voice slightly more quiet as he took off.