Apologies Like Fallen Leaves(Feather)

[Fallenmist]

(New writing habits)
My paws carry me swiftly over frosted grass and scattered leaves. The small tag upon my collar glints in the sunlight, filtering her glow to a soft silvery hue as it reflects upon the morning dew. I know well I shouldn't act so frantic, I'm free now, and it's not like they mistreated me. Yet all the same, I just couldn't help but miss those I'd unintentionally left behind. No, not left behind, abandoned. 'Don't think like that Fallen. Don't you dare think like that! You didn't mean to leave, you were just hunting and they...they...took you home is all...' I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince, but whoever it was, I didn't care. My eyes rove the landscape for a familiar landmark, the wind caused by my stride inhibiting my sense of smell. Turquoise orbs latch onto something, and I rush toward it with my tail streaking out behind me. Without a second thought, I dash up the rough bark of a tree like a desperate squirrel fleeing the fangs of a dog. I lunge for the sturdiest branch and just manage to catch my balance before scrambling up to the tree's crown, perching amongst the leafless branches like a bird. Breathless, I flare my nostrils slightly as I pick out some sort of familiar thing. I can't see the camp from here, even in early leaf-bare, and so I settle for seeking a familiar coat. His coat. Eventually, with my breath caught, and figuring my perch is within hearing distance of camp, I suck in a deep breath and yowl at the top of my lungs. Calling. Calling for Feather, or anyone who'll prick their ears to listen. Then I clamber down from the spindly branches to wait, poised amongst the roots as my ears and I seek. 'Please let me see you again...' After a while of waiting, I huff in irritation and hook my claws into my collar, attempting to pull it off over my head. After a few attempts, I sigh in defeat, call a little quieter once more, before curling up and closing my tired eyes...
(Featherfrost)

[Featherfrost]

Featherfrost couldn't deny it anymore.

Against all odds.... He had a connection with Fallenmist. He wasn't ready to label it yet, no. He wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to let go of his prior beliefs, even if his clawhold on them was much looser than before. With this realization... He made another one. He missed her. He was a bit angry she'd disappeared without warning. He felt hurt. He wondered if this was how cats felt like when they'd been used.

He sighed and found himself walking in the territory, strangely subdued. He'd been walking in the vague direction of the border shared with Treeclan, when he heard someone calling out his name. His ear twitched. Who the heck would call out his name? No one liked him really. He sighed again, slightly irritated, and walked in the direction that he'd heard the voice.

As he approached the source of the voice, he found one the trees that was more into Fireclan territory. There weren't many, mostly being right on the border with Treeclan. But a familiar scent caught his nose. He froze. His ears perked up, his stance stiff.

Fallenmist.

He wasn't sure what was happening, but he found his paws carrying him faster and faster, until he saw Fallenmist curled up around the tree. The light furred she-cat he hadn't seen for moons was curled up in the roots of this tree. Yeesh, she reeked of Twolegs, much more than she had before. Yuck.

He shifted his weight uncomfortably. What was he supposed to say?! He wasn't good at social interaction....

[Fallenmist]

I'd almost drifted off to sleep when the sound of pawsteps aroused my senses. My first reaction was to dash back up the tree for cover, and this showed in the way I unfurled in a second and shot to my paws, eyes wide and claws unsheathed. I probably looked like a mess, I hadn't slept since I left the twoleg den, and had hardly slept in the time they'd kept me there. I'd just kept thinking, kept hearing his voice. His scent always ticking,y my nose like a fresh mouse dangling on the other side of a badger. Even now his scent teased me, like every other day. No. Something was differenent this time, it just seemed so real. Which is when I see him stop a few paces away.

Our eyes meet for a brief second, and I could swear a life's hunting he looked a little disgusted, like he'd walked into a field of crowfood or something. My ears flicker back and forth uneasily, and I shy away from his gaze slightly. The new collar's tag catches my eye, and I blink in realisation. It's not me, it's my scent. I peer at him with hopeful eyes, unsure whether or not to believe them. I take three hesitant steps forward, before pausing with one soft brown paw raised slightly. The silence hangs heavy on my ears, like I'm being drowned in an empty fog. My eyes flit briefly up to meet his, before I seat myself amongst the frosted grass, lowering my head in shame.

"I'm sorry I left. I only meant to go for a hunt, but I wandered a little too close to the border and..." I shake my head and glare at the glinting tag, trying once more to tug the blue band over my head. I wince at the pressure behind my ears and stop. "I knew they'd want me back, but I never expected them to shut me in like that. I...I told them I wanted to leave, even said I'd visit them, but..." I shake my head again and sigh, peering up at him cautiously, but still failing to meet his gaze. I feel like a scolded apprentice faced before her leader, being threatened with no warrior ceremony. "I'm sorry..." I murmur softly, almost whisking he'd tease me, or yell at me. Or something. I'm just willing him to stop standing there, lost for words. In such a way I can not read him. I don't want to break down in front of him, but I feel like I might if my apologies hang in the air any longer.

(Sorta imagining her going, "sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry! Please don't hate me, I love you!" XD)

[Featherfrost]

Honestly, Featherfrost didn't expect the alert and hostile initial response.

She looked.... Wild. Feral. Well, more than a clan cat anyways. She looked like a rogue that hadn't bothered to take care of themselves. She was still looking... Off as our eyes meet. Then she shies away. What was it? Then he realized his face was still wrinkled up. He tried his best to force some calmness into his expression into something more neutral. It was a little strained, but it was better than before. Fallenmist seemed... Uncertain as she approached him. She raised a paw. Then their eyes met again. Then she... Sat down and hung her head in shame? Featherfrost was... Admittedly confused by all this. Was she uncertain as to his reaction considering she'd left for a while. Alright, he was kind of angry about that. But for some reason, it wasn't being twisted into insults and nasty looks. What was it about Fallenmist?

Then came the explanation. She seemed upset about the collar, trying to tug it off. Though, it seemed it hurt too much and she stopped. She kept talking. She told of how she'd wandered too close to Twolegplace and her former Twolegs had shut her in, kept her trapped. Then she stopped looking at him again. She just murmured an apology. What was he supposed to say to that? Normally, he'd be shooting off insensitive words, making jabs at her strength and insisting she was weak... But for some reason the idea seemed abhorrent.

Instead of doing anything on that sort, he sighed. He raised a paw and tried to use it to guide Fallenmist's eyes back his. "Listen up, Fallenmist... It's..." Oh Cloudclan, how he felt like he was dying and living all at once. "It's really not your fault a bunch of idiot, hairless freaks shut you in." He insisted. Just because he was nice to Fallenmist didn't mean he couldn't be mean to others. "But... You're coming back now, right?" Strangely... He figured he might be happier with Fallenmist around. He'd never considered his happiness before. He wondered what it meant.

[Fallenmist]

The almost disgusted expression was forced into neutral, and then it just sort of, faded altogether...It's like it suddenly became, softer... I almost had the drive to tell him he looked ridiculous in his struggle over being nice and mean at the same time. Or at least ridiculous in the sense that he almost looked 'normal,' like any other cat might. It was almost unbecoming. He looked confused and angry and almost...broken. Like all his forced back emotions, the ones he'd shoved away with claws and fangs for as long as one might remember, were warring for the chance to surface. To see the sun for the first time. In my mind, I cheer them on, because it's both confusing and strangely beautiful at the same time.

My turquoise gaze follows his gesture, and I lift my chin cautiously to meet his gaze. The little anger I'd seen is gone, buried in confusion and...something else I can't quite place. My eyes search his as he speaks, begging for some sort of meaning behind his words. I let out a serene yet sorrowful chuckle at his half-hearted insult of my former housefolk. My heart cries for them though, because I know they just misunderstood. Yet I know they'll get a new cat, hopefully one that wants them as much as I once did. In my distraction, I frown in confusion at his last words, and my eyes trace patterns in the grass as they echo in my ears like my cries had just moments before. Lifting my gaze once more, I finally soak in his words, and realize what that emotion was that I couldn't quite place. Hope. Or at least I think it's hope...'Does he truly want me back?' The thought is so uncanny, I have the absurd urge to laugh. Instead, I look at him with a sincerity I truly never thought I could muster. "Yes. I will come home, with you."

I lean forward to brush against him, my heart reaching out to his, then hesitate. I freeze a hairs' breadth away, and I swear as I look into my eyes, my soul is almost begging permission. For some reason fearing a rejection that I'm almost sure will come.
(Featherfrost)

[Featherfrost]

Featherfrost felt an unexpected wave of relief wash over him.

Thank Cloudclan, Fallenmist wasn't as stubborn as him... Even as he was thinking this, he wondered when the heck he'd started thinking of himself as stubborn. He wasn't sure what Fallenmist was looking for, as her turquoise eyes seemed to be looking just a little too deeply into his amber ones. He didn't think of himself as overly complicated, he figured he was pretty simple. Get a kick out of messing with cats, eat, sleep, drink, and do the warrior duties that he couldn't wriggle out of. But maybe... He wasn't? Gah, all this stuff was confusing. Maybe he should stop thinking about it and play it by ear.

Featherfrost doesn't understand the frown on Fallenmist's face after his last words. Why is she frowning? Is she considering staying away? Alright, that line of thought just opens another trainwreck of doubts and emotions he doesn't really want to consider. Nope. Not opening that door. 

Then came the words he didn't know he was hoping to hear. Featherfrost stiffens as Fallenmist is leaning forward almost touching him, like no other cat ever has. No cat ever tried, likely deterred by his nasty attitude and cruel words. He takes a deep breath and he closes his eyes. He calms. There's just the thinnest line between them now. He closes the gap and brushes against her instead. 

"I'm glad to hear it." He replied softly.

He didn't know he could talk like that.

[Fallenmist]

(OOC: Added a new part of why she left and got caught. In light of noticing Cloud and Feather(her kits) went inactive too, and haven't been on for ages. If he insists, she may tell more, as he'll see her twitch between happy and sad.)

It doesn't. My heart skips a beat as his eyes close. I swear his breath shudders a little, warm against my cheek as he calms himself. And for the first time, it doesn't seem so forced. He brushes softly against me, and I'm so taken aback, that I almost flinch away. Almost. I lean into his touch, his soft gray fur, and can't help the purr that rumbles softly in my chest, echoing in my ears like our heartbeats. Of which mine seems to be fluttering out of it's cage. I mentally shove it back in there and pull away slightly, opening my gaze to meet his. My heart is melting at his words, trying a different technique to get to him, and for some reason I want the melting to stop, which in some way triggers something.

And then the memories of that day hit me like a shock of ice. I lower my head, closing my eyes against them, trying to force them back. 'Don't ruin this moment!' I beg them, my ears flickering back and forward in my struggle. They spill forward like some stupid wave, and I swear I flinch from the imaginary impact. I see again my precious kits disappearing like mist upon a lake. Myself calling, always calling, begging for them to come back. I swear I asked every member of the clan where they went, but they're gone, and I know it well. I remember the realization smacking me like a boulder to the face(Flurrypaw reference xD). I remember hunting that day, trying to work my mind off it, but wandering aimlessly instead. Getting caught and locked away, and this time crying for more than just my precious kits. Yet the whole time there I was merely numb. Numb and broken...

A tear falls from my eye-which is totally possible-and splashes onto the sand as I swear I'm quivering from the fading images. It's like my mind is tormenting me, blaming me for everything, for them. My breath shudders out and returns in a half sob half gasp. I blink the tears back almost furiously, and shake my head in an effort to clear it. Numbly, I lean my head against his shoulder as my numb and cold front I'd been grasping like a lifeline since that day finally shatters around me like fallen glass. Taking a breath, I force my eyes open, but can't seem to meet his gaze. "We should head home." I murmur softly, but I swear it comes out almost as a plea. This is going to be a long winter.

(OOC: I needed a filler, and a reason for her to finally show that broken side of her to him, and this is what I came up with. Besides, this is what happens when you disappear sweetheart...)

[Featherfrost]

Featherfrost can't help the sigh that comes out from him.

It's not a sigh of annoyance or irritation, but relief. Relief that the first time he takes a chance like this, tries to open his heart even a little... It isn't rejected. Of course, he doesn't want to admit even to himself that he was scared of rejection. He still had pride left and he was still clinging to some of his beliefs, even as they slipped slowly from his grasp.

Her purr sounds... Wonderful strangely. He doesn't think he's ever heard someone purr, much less in response of something he did. He thinks it's a nice sound... Better than those noises of frustration cats usually make at him.

Admittedly, Featherfrost is concerned when Fallenmist lowered her head. Was he doing something wrong? He knew pretty much nothing about being friendly, much less comforting some cat or being reassuring! Her ears are twitching back in forth, as if they can't decide which emotion of Fallenmist's to convey. She's flinching and he was no idea why she's reacting like this. She'd leaned into his touch before... Maybe she was thinking about something...? Gah, he was no good at figuring out how a cat's mind worked! He could annoy and irritate them, but it went only that far, just about.

Featherfrost is frozen as he watches Fallenmist's tears fall. Okay, he was really worried now! She was always the one who seemed... Doubtless and telling Featherfrost he was being a total moron... Alright, so she was never quite that crude. That was him, generally. But that was the gist of it. Then he notices Fallenmist is shivering. He uncomfortably shifts his weight. Yeah, he had no idea what to do here. He made cats cry, he didn't really console them when they did!

Fallenmist seems to be trying not to cry, judging by her... Uh... Face movements. Honestly, Featherfrost can't clearly recall any memories of crying... So he's not entirely sure. She doesn't seem to want to meet Featherfrost's eyes.

His ears flattened. "Uh... Sure." He responds awkwardly.

[Fallenmist]

Oh great. I've ruined it. Good going Fallenmist.

These are the first thoughts that come to mind as his muscles seem to tighten, and his ears flatten against his skull just within the bounds of my vision. I refrain from flinching at this, lest I upset him further. Things had been going so well, and I feel like cursing myself out loud, remind myself that one can't break down in front of Featherfrost. Not like this. Not unless it's what he wants. Now I feel like I need to comfort him, but I can't make a move to do so. I can't make a move to do anything other than offer a slow nod, and numbly get to my paws.

I walk along at his shoulder for a time, my fur brushing against his, and I slowly come to register it again, slowly as I regain my head and senses from the blue that is my emotions and clouded memories. The silence lays thick like storm clouds over my ears, almost unnatural. I barely manage not to cringe at it, and eventually I meet his gaze in a sidelong glance I force myself to hold.

The tears pricking my eyes are almost gone now, but I swear they're on the verge of returning if this goes anymore south. "I'm sorry." I murmur softly. Gods I'm doing a lot of apologising today. I brush my muzzle against his cheek in a sign of comfort and effect ion, as well as an effort to assure him he didn't do anything wrong.

"I guess my memories just finally caught up to me..." a pause. This is very hard to explain, and I swear my mind is taking a mental toll right now. "Its just...Between CloudKit and Featherkit, and the the two legs and all..."

A sigh flutters past me before I can stop it. It sounds broken, strange. I notice my gaze dipped to the ground during my explanation, and I look up again, pleading him to understand. Please don't let me ruin us.

[Featherfrost]

Featherfrost doesn't say anything as Fallenmist doesn't seem to be feeling any better...

Or maybe she is? He isn't so great at this whole, emotion business. It was new. Well, not new. He was just new at using it positively. He didn't know how to comfort cats, how to give advice, how to be a good cat in general. He knew how to anger and upset cats. That's it. Now that he thought about it, he... Didn't want to do that to Fallenmist. Ever. Did he ever try? Probably. But now... No way. No way, no how.

He relaxes again as Fallenmist brushes against his fur again. There's this awkward silence that Featherfrost is completely fine with. He calmly exhales. Then their eyes meet again.

Her tears seem to have gone. Then she apologizes. He seems confused. Why would anyone ever apologize to him? You apologized when you messed up, right? He was the one who messed up in most cat's eyes. He wasn't nice and sappy like pretty much anyone. He liked irritating other cats (or did he?) not holding pleasant chats that were usually forced and weird.

Then Fallenmist brushes against his cheek. He exhales. Then she explains what was her hurting her. Cloudkit, Featherkit, and the twolegs on top of it. Come to think of it, he hadn't seen those two brats that Fallenmist had spawned... They seemed to be among the many cats who seemed to disappear after a time. 

Then she sighs strangely. She's stopped looking at him again. Then she looks up again. He sighs. "C'mon. Let's get home before we spend all day with idle chatter." He began to walk past her but stopped, encouraging Fallenmist to turn around with his tail, to follow him back to camp.

[Fallenmist]

I release the breath I didn't even I realise I was holding, as he seems to relax at my touch. I want to just close my eyes and sit with him all day. I don't. I can't. Instead, I draw off his currently relaxed state, and walk along as calmly as I can. As he replies, my ears flicker and perk up like soldiers to attention. He doesn't seem to like me looking away for some reason, probably because I'm the only one to look him in the eye and truly see something there.

I nod at his words. They make sense, yet I can't seem to bring myself to move. Seeing his gesture of encouragement, I turn and step to his side until we're walking shoulder to shoulder once more. The silence is comfortable by now, almost as relaxing and calming as his soft gray fur brushing against my own.

Reflecting, I can't even remember when he went from that nasty fur ball teasing everything I did, judging every move I made, but I'm glad he's changed now. At least toward me. I purr softly at the thought as I brush my way into camp. I'm partially aware we didn't talk most of the way home, and even now I'm reluctant to break the comfortable silence between us. I stop, just out of the way of the other cats, and meet his gaze. I smile, hesitantly, then soft and welcoming. "I'm glad to be home again. With you." I nod, as though assuring myself that's what I meant to say.

And then I do something even I don't expect. I reach up slightly, and give him a gentle lick, my tongue rasping against his cheek affectionately. Then, with a rumbling purr and a farewell for now dip of my head, I collect a mouse and bound over to the den. Where I abuptly plop down out of hearing range and laugh softly to myself. 'Did I just do that? Truly?'

(OOC: Wanna end it here, or keep going? Also, I feel like there should be future kits, primarily due to the 'brats Fallenmist spawned' part)

[Featherfrost]

Featherfrost can hear Fallenmist relaxing.

She seems more at peace when they're just... There, like he is. Thankfully, she stopped avoiding his gaze. Cats stopped looking at cats when they felt uncomfortable, right? He was pretty sure how that went. Though, he had plenty of angry stares. He supposed it applied only in positive relationships. In a negative one, you tried to melt the other cat with the power of your glare.

Soon enough, Featherfrost and Fallenmist are walking side by side towards Fireclan's camp. Towards home. He knows cats are pretty chatty, filling up the silence. But honestly? He thinks they don't know what they're missing. Silence is nice sometimes.

He has no idea what Fallenmist is turning him into. He's honestly confused by his own actions. He's different than he was. Ever since she first got to him, there have been doubts swirling in his mind at his every move on whether he was right. Whether he was a good cat. Well, he already knew he wasn't a good cat. He was well aware that he was a jerk, but he didn't used to care. He was pretty sure all those doubts were because... Well, now that he had Fallenmist... He wondered if he could maybe... Make more friends? He was pretty sure Fallenmist was a friend, but he wasn't exactly experienced in this whole... Positive relationship thing. He winced. Er....

Maybe he should apologize to Silverwhisker. He practically shuddered. How the heck was he supposed to do that?! That was a completely new concept to him. Come to think of it... Maybe he should apologize to a few cats to maybe.... He sighed. This was gonna be a lot of work he never knew he'd have to do. Then Fallenmist speaks up.

His amber eyes blink. She reaches up a gives him a gentle link. He's surprised. But the touch is not unwelcome. He stands there as Fallenmist picks up a mouse and returns to the warrior's den.

He blinks again.

What just happened?

((Sure, we can end it here. Here's good. And are you allowed to have multiple temp queen chances?))