What's going on in your heart? (Feather)

[Fallenmist]

What I'm doing with my life, I'm really not that sure. Like any other cat here, I want to be happy and healthy, maybe have a family and be an asset to the clan. But I'm just not sure what I'm doing. I guess I'm a little broken minded, with my kits disappearing, and then getting trapped like some caged wild animal. I guess that's sort of what I was, without the caged part. They wanted me back so desperately, that they shut me in lest I run. Of course, if they'd explained to me, and in my current state, maybe I wouldn't have had the heart, nor the motivation to run. Yet maybe the same thing would have happened. Just suddenly remembering him and just needing to get out. I swear I'd almost become a rogue at that state, just desperate to get away. To get back. Not caring for anything other than that.

i sigh as I move once more in my nest. The moon is glaring at me like I'm keeping her awake, and the stars are weeping over my restlessness. The rain is pattering softly on the entwined branches and heather that make the Warriors den. Just a soft drizzle and rhythmic tune to lull me off to sleep. I groan softly. It's not working. I glare at the rain until it eases to a stop, the sit up in my nest. My turquoise eyes flit awkwardly over all the sleeping cats, besides the few that may be off guarding the camp, or perhaps as sleepless as I.

Defeated, I slink my way past rising and falling flanks, flickering tails, and twitching ears. My paws carry me steadily out into the night, and I sigh in relief. It was my first night returning to sleeping in the den. I hadn't expected it to go at all well, but I was more expecting sour words and sharp glares then lack of sleep. Releasing a breath slowly, one I wasn't even aware I was holding, I gaze around the moon lit camp. Surprisingly, the rain didn't do much, the ground is hardly wet, and I wonder if perhaps it was purely my imagination. The guards don't look too wet.

The sound of breathing more than that of pawsteps is what alerts me to another presence. I don't turn until the familiar scent hits my nose. Even then I hesitate, despite the smile that light my features, belying my frustration with myself and this stupid night. This camp to be honest. Shoving of my hesitancy in favour of our last interaction, I turn to face Featherfrost , and bow my head in greeting, and sweet and warming smile upon my face. "Can't sleep?" Is all I say, but my eyes say a lot more. I just can't put anything to words right now.

[Featherfrost]

Featherfrost hadn't even been in the den. He'd been sort of... Brooding, though he'd rather claw out his own tongue before admitting that. He was so terribly confused about a great many things. He was not good at keeping his emotions straight and making sense of them. Usually he fought them back, or completely ignored them. He didn't even know that his mask of cruelty and arrogance existed. That voice that cats call a conscience hadn't even been loud enough for him to hear before he'd met Fallenmist.

Since then, practically every time he came into contact with someone, typically she-cats it spoke up louder than he wanted to. It became harder and harder to squash it down, frequently still poking out around the edges despite his greatest efforts. He shuffled his paws uncomfortably. He felt like he was drowning and no one was reaching out a paw to help him, heck they were shoving him down and forcing him to suffocate and flounder around by himself without aid.

He didn't what to do. He didn't want to acknowledge what he felt. He didn't want to confess to his anger, his happiness, his sadness, and most of all... His regret. He didn't want to acknowledge their existence. He didn't want to believe he really felt any of those things, because it made his world that much more complicated. Things were simple when you didn't feel anything but sadism and cockiness. Nothing could touch you and you could play with the world as you saw fit. But Featherfrost wasn't a sociopath.

He sighed. He looked across the clearing. He wasn't sure why but Fallenmist was emerging from the warrior's den. He wasn't sure why... But when he'd been around her he'd been able to just shove everything down. He'd been able to go ahead without thinking of anything. His emotions. His mask. None of it. He had just been moving and letting his words run away with his mind's permission. Fallenmist seemed to enjoy it when he did that... He wasn't sure he could do that with other cats...

But for now it seemed to work.

He approached her from across the clearing. She seemed to hesitate, before turning to see him and smiling. He awkwardly took a seat next to her and quietly shook his head. "Not really."

((I CAN'T BELIEVE I TYPED THIS MANY WORDS))

[Fallenmist]

(Here comes the sucky short post, be prepared...)

I don't know why, but I still feel like I expect him to walk over with that irritating cocky grin of his, and make some fool-hardy comment about this or that. Usually my collar, he always seemed to hate that about me. 'I do too...' I shove the thoughts away, because that isn't him now, at least I hope it isn't. No. He seems happier now, more comfortable, like he doesn't hate the world anymore. Or maybe not as much as he once did. I lift my chin slightly to meet his gaze, and allow as much warmth and welcome to flood those turquoise depths as possible, my smile close enough to words. Because right now, I don't have any.

I swear it's like my heart is hammering away in my chest, and my vocal cords have rolled into a large lump in my throat. Forcing it to smooth out somewhat, I sigh slightly and peer up at the stars. Like they're going to help me. "Me neither." I offer lamely. I feel myself lean slightly towards him, until our fur brushes. I swear my muscles are coiled like springs, I'm sick of this. Of all of it. This mess of emotions. This camp. This lack of sleep. These cats even. I need to get out.

I get to my paws, still right next to him, and meet his gaze once more, almost something like desperation in my eyes. "I need to get out of camp for a while. Care to walk with me?" Without even waiting for a response, I brush past him and head to the exit. Yet when I reach it, I stall. Turning, I look back at Featherfrost and gesture him to follow. Will him to follow. I need him with me, now more so than ever. I feel like if I go alone, I might break. Heck, if I go with Birdheart I might not even be much better off. But Featherfrost... 'Please don't let me walk alone this night.' This time my eyes practically beg him.

(I feel he should like, decide not to join her, and she just go off on her own. And then he feels guilty-much to his distaste-and follows after her. And then realises he actually had wanted to in the first place cause, we all know he does )

[Featherfrost]

((ARE YOU KIDDING IT'S STILL LIKE 300 WORDS! LOOK AT MY POST.))

Featherfrost frowned at Fallenmist's collar. He wondered why she still had it? She could probably claw it off, he figured. But honestly, he didn't really know for sure. Kittypet collars were... Strange. They looked like they were made of something that wasn't natural. He wondered if he should bring it up.

Featherfrost held back a snort and what was probably an insensitive comment. It was pretty obvious Fallenmist couldn't sleep either if she was out here when most cats would be sleeping. He held his breath as Fallenmist leaned against his side. As their pelts are pressed together, he slowly lets out a breath of air and relaxes.

Then suddenly Fallenmist practically jumps to her paws. Then she seems like she will die if she doesn't get out of camp. He's shocked and can't move for a while. She was running towards the exit then she stops and looks back at him. He knows what she wants. She wants him to come with. He blinked, startled. He jumped to his paws and as well and rushed over to her.

He huffed. "Fine." He replied to her unspoken question. 

[Fallenmist]

(xD. I know, I thought it was gonna suck cause I couldn't come up with anything, and then I sorta left it there.)

Okay. Now I feel like an idiot. He clearly, at least from what I can tell, isn't very happy with me right now. He was a little tense in the first place, yeah, but he'd finally relaxed a little when I lean into him. And then I have to go and ruin it all with my bizarre paranoia about God knows what. I refrain from huffing along with him when he reaches me, and instead try my best to get out of camp quickly without leaving his side like I had before.

I don't really find myself relaxing until we've left the camp. Left the stares and the attitude and all that rubbish I never thought I'd get again since I was an apprentice. I sigh and lower my head, looking at the ground. I swear I walk along like that for ages, yet when I lift my head, we haven't made it as far as I'd thought. My eyes scan the trees, the leaves, whatever thaey can find in avoidance. Then they find his, and they stay there. Im sure we're about at the training grounds, so I sit down and tuck my tail around myself. It's like the silence is trying to suffocate me, but the problem is, it's doing so to the point of which I can't even speak. I open my mouth, and close it again with a sigh.

"I'm sorry..." For being an idiot. For traipsing off then expecting you to trail after me like a kit. For being so selfish lately. For not even knowing what I'm doing. Nope. All I seem to manage is a lame old, "I'm sorry" when he's probably left wondering, "for what?" Or perhaps he knows. Perhaps he's been waiting for me to apologise for everything I've done wrong, and just hasn't spoken up about it. I reach his gaze again, which I'd had to leave in order to walk without falling over. I'm pretty sure my eyes say the rest for me, but I can't just leave it at that.

"You know, it's strange now..." I trail off, and chuckle softly "I haven't gotten one mouse-brained comment out of you since you became a warrior. It's a little unsettling, don't ya think?" My eyes spark a little mischievously and I smirk slightly through my other emotions to show that I'm just teasing him. Of course I don't want him nasty again, but where's the joking around, the teasing? It seems like the sort of thing he'd do for fun if he gave up upsetting cats.

[Featherfrost]

Featherfrost manages to keep pace with Fallenmist walking side by side along with her. They don't seem to be going anywhere, and as they're walking his amber eyes wander. His thoughts trailing off and bringing up all his issues and doubts. All the things he did his best to not think about. Ugh.

He doesn't see Fallenmist's downtrodden body language. 

He does, however, hear her apology. He has no idea what for. Most cats would say it should be the other way around? He huffed. "I don't know... It doesn't feel right." He answered honestly. "Things don't feel as right as they did before."


((lol he's still a butt he's just doing it to other cats like birdheart also get a load of my short post compared to your's

[Fallenmist]

I nod slowly, flinching at his words. I know he doesn't mean us when he says it doesn't feel right. Or at least, I hope he doesn't mean us. I almost shiver at the thought, though I don't know why. I guess it's because I'm liking what we are now, even if I don't quite know what to call it. We're certainly far from mates, but I think we've crossed past friends as well. Gods, but it's certainly confusing. I peer at him, trying to reassure myself that her doesn't mean us, despite the fact I'm fairly certain he's referring to everything.

"I don't think anything feels wrong really..." My ears twitch as I try and come up with the right words to describe how I'm feeling. Sometimes I know exactly how he feels, the world would be so much easier for me if I didn't feel my emotions so deep. "Everything's just a bit, different...ya know? Not how they treat me, that's just more pronounced. No, it's something else, I guess..." I chuckle softly, still not sure how to explain. "I'm not so great with change...As you can probably tell." I admit ruefully, remembering my first day back, and that breakdown with him. Oh how I wish I could forget that.

My eyes switch back up to his. They'd strayed slightly, though not far. Now I'm just waiting, ready to listen to him with both ears and heart.

(Cheesy ending though, xD Feel free to tell me if I need to dial it down any more)

[Featherfrost]

Featherfrost waited for Fallenmist to finish her reply. He didn't really feel like cutting her off. "... Yeah." He replied simply. "You kind of... Started it. This feeling of wrongness." He elaborated. "It's not that the cats around me don't feel right. It's me that's not right. I think it's the things you said and just me being unable to not think on it." He groaned. "Honestly, not a fan of self-doubt. It sucks. I hate it. I wish you'd held your tongue." He exhaled.

"Except I don't."

((ehhhh short-ish))

[Fallenmist]

Ouch. I flinch slightly at that. Visible despite my trying to mask it. I knew what I said was when it all changed, but I started a 'feeling of wrongness?' Yeesh. That is not how I would have put it. I try to muster some positivity, because I know he didn't mean it like that. Or at least, I hope not. Instead, I prick my ears and simply listen as he goes on. I'm about to respond to his comment about wishing I hadn't spoken. There's a bit of pain in my eyes from that comment, because I know well that if I hadn't have spoken, we would never have ended up getting along, and we'd both be alone right now. We wouldn't even know what we're missing. Heck, I'm certainly glad I did speak up. Because right now, I'm faced with the fact that I love him. And there isn't anything he could say or do to change that. But if he wishes...

His words break into my thoughts. Just three words. Simple and a little reluctant, but huge in their effect. I twitch slightly as they sink in, and that former pain drains from my face. And I smile. I don't know why. Never had so few words had an effect on such a scale as this. "I'm glad...about us, I mean..." I blink, slowly, because I don't really know what I was supposed to say just then, but it fled my mind.

[Featherfrost]

Featherfrost had seen Fallenmist's unease and negativity as she absorbed the majority of his words. Though, his last statement seemed to have made things less terrible. Was that a good thing? Er... Maybe airing his anger and frustration wasn't winning him any points. Maybe he should stray away from that? Gah! Trying to be... Nice was hard. He wanted to be mean, but not to Fallenmist and it was just confusing and frustrating and.... He sighed.

".... Yeah."

[Fallenmist]

I give him a gentle smile, trying to persuade him to relax. He seems so...confused. Heck, I know I'm confused. I have no idea what's going on with anything, and it's a little unsettling to me. But I know I don't want him to be confused. Or sad, or angry. I sort of just want him to be happy, but I don't know how to do that. I'm not sure he's ever been happy before...I twitch my ears forward and tilt my head slightly, looking at him with a questioning gaze. "You wanna do something?" Sitting around chatting has gotten just a tad awkward now, and it's not like either of us are all that talkative. I swear he talked more before we got along. I know it's hard for him. I try for a persuasive smile, hoping to find something to do.

[Featherfrost]

Featherfrost sighed as he tried to relax. Some other cat might've smiled back, but Featherfrost was not some other cat. He knew very well that he was bad in general with social skills. His tail uncertainly moved around and twitched in accordance to his mood. He shrugged and averted his gaze. "Sure, whatever." He grumbled. He doesn't see Fallenmist's second smile.

[Fallenmist]

I blink. I have no idea whether to take offence, worry, or brush it off. I decide upon the latter, and perhaps a slight bit of both former as I get to my paws alongside him. I don't exactly know what I want to do. It's nighttime, and I'm tired, but I know I won't be able to sleep. I sort of just want to, spend time with him. I tilt my head slightly and peer at him, my Aqua gaze curious and questioning. "What would you like to do?" I ask the question so that it's clear I'm letting him decide. I feel like everyone's always pushed him around, to the point it drove him to push back. Maybe it's just my imagination? But I want to treat him just like I'd treat someone as friendly and open as Birdheart. Or maybe not quite. I smile warmly, encouragingly, because heck I sort of just want him to smile back.

(Hehe, Fallen dared Birdie to try be friends with him, and Bird says she'll teach him some manners. So, next thread incoming will be Birdie and Feather trying to get along while Fallen sits on the sidelines and tries not to but in whilst laughing her head off. Also, I was thinking at some point along the lines of kits, perhaps an unintentional first litter that effectively either pushes them closer or maybe even away depending on how they both take it. Hehe, I swear I torture my characters.)

[Featherfrost]

((Don't worry I feed off of angst so....

Featherfrost squinted slightly at Fallenmist. He'd... Never really done anything that wasn't antagonistic for fun. At least, that he could remember. He sees Fallenmist's smile and he looks away. He doesn't know what to do. He can't pick he just sort of... Set an image for himself and just played into what cats now thought of him. He was the bullying jerk so he was the bullying jerk. But he was trying to be better now... Though he tried not to think about the fact that as part of trying to be better, he had to admit he was broken before.

"... I don't really care."

[Fallenmist]

I frown slightly. More in disappointment than anything. I really don't know what I want to do, but he seems a little uneasy just sitting here chatting boredly. I look around, not moving away from him in the slightest. Perhaps taking in our surroundings might give me some ideas. I taste the air, but I don't smell any prey, and I don't feel like hunting so late. I had a race with Birdheart the other day, but that really doesn't seem to be something he'd be into. Despite the fact we'd get a good laugh out of me most likely tripping over something in the dark. My ears twitch in the soundless night as the silence settles like a blanket. Though not a very good one. I turn my gaze back to him, and for some reason find a curiosity as to who might win in a fight of some kind. Well, there's an idea. We are near the training grounds, just a couple of paces away. "Wanna practice some moves?" I inquire, gesturing with a nod toward the sanding training arena. There's nothing wrong with practicing, and I'm a bit out of routine anyway.