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Post by Adaline on Feb 19, 2017 14:09:10 GMT -6
Willowspirit ((Yaaay for more Star Wars references as titles lol))Brightpaw had been spending more time in camp, yes... But she still went out in the territory. She wasn't hunting at the moment she just... Needed some real fresh air. The fresh air you could only get out on the windy prairie.
Plus she had... A lot of things to consider. Who did she want to be? She wanted to be a good person. There was no doubt about that. She didn't want to be a monster, but she felt like she had skirted the edge. She didn't want to be a vicious animal that snapped at any perceived threat. That wasn't someone who could survive in Fireclan, and she didn't want to be exiled.
But....
Did her siblings know that...? She imagined Almondfire would heed Jackalstar's warning. Aloepaw? She wasn't so sure. Willowpaw? She feared not. Willowpaw was far too angry and violent, so desperate to protect herself that... The tabby apprentice feared her sister was turning into something she didn't want to be. The silvery apprentice likely didn't understand the repercussions of her actions, feeling completely justified in her hurt and rage. She winced, remembering their last interaction. She wasn't entirely sure... But she realized there was a possibility Willowpaw would turn on her. Especially if Brightpaw admitted her refusal to engage in anymore fights, to no longer actively fight Almondfire and Aloepaw like her sister craved.
As she was thinking this, the last cat she expected to run into was Willowpaw. She blinked.
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Post by Willowspirit on Feb 19, 2017 14:18:48 GMT -6
((:0 willow is literally a sith lord smh))
After her failed attempt at reconciliation with Mudpaw, Willowpaw was stalked through the forest, looking for prey. Every muscle in her body ached- She was stressed, under-eating, pushing herself far too hard, and in the past few days, she'd been in three different fights.
Her wounds weren't bad, but Willowpaw wasn't giving them a chance to heal, instead punishing herself by spending every waking moment hunting or fighting, causing them to constantly re-open. Willowpaw didn't care that she was hurting, she wanted to contribute to the clan. She'd heard that Jackalstar was cracking down on the troublesome cats, and while she would always fight to defend herself, Willowpaw had no desire to be exiled. Willowpaw planned to be such an asset to Fireclan that Jackalstar couldn't send her away, he would see her worth. They all would.
Willowpaw was growing extremely frustrated as she failed to find any prey, and blamed her lack of skill on it. Her tail lashed, and her claws were unsheathed as she stalked through the grassy fields of Fireclan, constantly scenting the air for something, anything.
She saw Brightpaw as soon as she scented her, and the silver she-cat immediately closed up, her gaze becoming icy, and fur lying flat.
"Hello, Brightpaw." Willowpaw dipped her head.
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Post by Adaline on Feb 19, 2017 14:51:19 GMT -6
Brightpaw could tell Willowpaw was frustrated. Probably by the scarce prey. The frigid gaze of her sister's bore down on Brightpaw, but she remained unfazed. She'd given that look all too many times. She knew what it looked like. The expression that came in return was neutral. No warmth, no ice. Practically a blank slate.
".... You're angry at me, right?"
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Post by Willowspirit on Feb 19, 2017 14:59:37 GMT -6
Willowpaw blinked, hesitating. She had stopped thinking about how she felt in fear of having another emotional outburst, and she wasn't about to try to sort out her mangled mess of feelings in front of her sister. Brightpaw, who'd rejected her, who'd hurt her. For Mudpaw, of all cats. What made him better than Willowpaw? What was wrong with her?
She forced those thoughts back down, bottling them up.
"I guess so, yeah." She shrugged nonchalantly, her mind whirling, and her expression unsettlingly dull for the mottled tabby's usual fiery, passionate self.
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Post by Adaline on Feb 19, 2017 15:03:51 GMT -6
Brightpaw could see Willowpaw's hesitation. She wasn't sure what to make of her sister's apparently subdued emotions.... She bit her lip. "You know I don't hate you... Right?"
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Post by Willowspirit on Feb 19, 2017 15:08:02 GMT -6
"Sure," Willowpaw's gaze flitted past Brightpaw. She didn't want to look at her sister, who had proved that she would only ever act in her own interests. "But that doesn't mean you care about me, or want me around. You don't." She was not going to treat Brightpaw like some sort of saint for tolerating her.
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Post by Adaline on Feb 19, 2017 15:31:23 GMT -6
Brightpaw knew that Willowpaw wasn't really in a good place... But this took it kind of far. She didn't like how her sister had come to all these false conclusions.
"Who says I don't care?" She asked. "I never said that. Honestly, I'm not quite sure how you reached that conclusion..." She sighed.
"You shouldn't put words in my mouth."
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Post by Willowspirit on Feb 19, 2017 15:39:57 GMT -6
"You don't know why I would think that?" Willowpaw's expression sunk, filled with hopelessness. "You.. I'm just a burden in your life, aren't I? You would not defend me or prioritize me, you never have. You're only alright with me standing up for myself when it's against a cat that you don't like either, you don't take my feelings into consideration."
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Post by Adaline on Feb 19, 2017 17:01:06 GMT -6
Brightpaw could see the despair in Willowpaw's eyes. Her own expression became strained. "You're not a burden, Willowpaw. It's not that I won't defend you, it's just that..." She sighed. "We're not close. I care about you, but we're not close. We spent most of our lives not even willing to be civil to one another. Mudpaw was my friend first." She sighed and gently shook her head. "Willowpaw. You can't solve everything with violence. It's messing you up. I'm not saying you should do nothing and remain the victim, but you can't keep getting into fights." Cloudclan, she really screwed this up.
((Tbh i half expect this to end with Willowpaw attacking Bright
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Post by Willowspirit on Feb 19, 2017 18:29:16 GMT -6
Willowpaw's voice hardened, and she closed off her emotions again, narrowing her eyes. "You only care about me because you want to be a good cat, or whatever. It doesn't matter to you that I'm family, which is completely fine with me, but we don't have a bond."
Her expression remained even as she went on. "You care about me, but not.. Not in a real way. Nobody does, that's why I have to keep fighting." Aloepaw's words rung in her ears, about how unwanted she was. "Words have never mended any relationships for me, they've only ever made me look weak. Nobody will want me around if I can't prove that I'm worth something."
((i wonder who would win if that happens :0))
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Post by Adaline on Feb 19, 2017 18:54:04 GMT -6
Brightpaw's fur bristled. Yes, she wanted to be a good person... But she also disliked seeing others in pain. She really wished Willowpaw would stop putting words in her mouth. "We don't have a bond because you won't even try!" Her tail lashed behind her.
She had patience and restraint.
However, she was also painfully blunt.
"How do you even know what's real?! You're saying if I don't prioritize you above everyone else in my life, then I don't care about you! That is not how it works!" She insisted strongly. "You can prove you're worth something! Prove you're not just a weapon to be aimed in someone's general direction!"
((Okay... I see it now. Willow is a sith lord omg b/c the code is just like... 'Through passion I gain strength, through strength i gain power, through power i gain victory, through victory my chains are broken' I feel like this is literally how Willow's brain works also tbh not sure if Bright would be the jedi here or a gray jedi who doesn't really fit anywhere omg))
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Post by Willowspirit on Feb 20, 2017 0:46:07 GMT -6
"I am trying." Willowpaw responded, her blood starting to boil, and her fur fluffing up, despite the icy chill that remained in her words. "But if you were friends with Almondfire and Aloepaw, would you expect me to roll over and let them treat me however they want, grovel to them just because I want to be your friend?" She wished Brightpaw would understand, that she had to do this. "I have to defend myself, I have to.."
Willowpaw's voice started to raise. "I-I'm not strong enough to not fight. They'll just keep picking away at me until I give in. I don't have any cat who would tell me otherwise. There's you, but.. I find it hard to believe that you'd be willing to sit around and listen to me whine about how sad I am, or whatever."
((i guess brightpaw could be like.. anakin? mace windu? his form of fighting channeled the dark side, though i don't remember what it's called.))
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Post by Adaline on Feb 20, 2017 7:43:23 GMT -6
Brightpaw huffed. "Of course not! I wasn't asking you to do that! But you chose to hurt him!" She gritted her teeth. "Defending yourself doesn't have to go to claws." She was being irritated by Willowpaw's beliefs, which honestly? Fell more in line with the belief system that Aloepaw and Almondfire shared than the sandy apprentice's own.
Her ears folded back. "You're right. I don't want to listen to someone complaining about how crowfood their life is, if they aren't going to do anything about it!" She shouted. "You're miserable! You're fighting back apparently, but you're still miserable! Sorry if I don't think if you keep going like this, it's going to end well for you!" She sighed. "Why do you keep fighting with your claws if it just makes you feel worse than you did at the start?"
((I don't think she fits any of those descriptions.... Also it's called Vaapad. I think Bright's in a league of all her own b/c I JUST REALIZED I NEVER RPED THIS but actually bright DOES enjoy pranks, though she'll probably be less of a jerk about it. Also prank indiscriminately. hhhhhh i need to figure out how to work this into her character b/c I forgot to earlier
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Post by Willowspirit on Feb 20, 2017 21:55:50 GMT -6
((ughhh i've had zero motivation to reply just bc willow is so tragic at this point i feel like she's becoming irredeemable and it depresses me:( ))
"Words don't help me! I used words when I was a kit, and all that got me was pain. I was mocked, even by your precious friend, and there was nothing I could do.." Willowpaw was getting tired of explaining herself. Why couldn't Brightpaw think about anyone except for herself?
"What's the difference between hurting with words and hurting with claws? There isn't a difference, they both cause pain."
Willowpaw growled, her tail lashing. "Do you really think that I'd feel better if I just gave up? Fighting is the only way I can feel anything at all. If you think I'm bad now, just watch what happens when I lose my purpose. I don't have any positive reasons to keep going, there's no cat out there that will stand by me through anything and motivate me."
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Post by Adaline on Feb 21, 2017 8:46:36 GMT -6
((SHE'S ANAKIN WILLOW IS ANAKIN PROBABLY OMG
also omg i can't believe i achieved my goal of hardly anyone knowing how brightpaw truly is with her coming off as like arrogant/selfish omg))
Brightpaw shook her head fiercely. "Your claws aren't helping you either!" She forced herself to calm down. "You can't control the actions of others but you can control your own." She got the darkest feeling that Willowpaw thought she was selfish. Ha... Her sister didn't realize how wrong she was.
Her tail lashed behind her. "There is a difference! You shouldn't be hurting people in the first place, but one of them is actually capable of killing someone! Is that who you want to be? A murderer? Because the cat you murder doesn't matter, it doesn't make it okay! Even if it's Almondfire or Aloepaw!" She didn't like them herself, but no one deserved to have their life abruptly cut off.
She growled from the back of her throat. ".... You have given up. You already have." She snarled softly. "You're not willing to make things better for yourself, so you just sit in your self-pity, lashing out at anyone who comes near. You're so messed up that if someone doesn't give you every part of them, they're obviously the enemy!" Sarcasm took its place near the end of her statement.
She shook her head fiercely. "You're broken Willowpaw, and you don't want to be fixed. You're just not willing to admit it."
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