Must I leave? ✦ Private

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I do not know where I come from, I do not know where I'm going WORDS: 600 Snowwhisper it was a very foggy day. condensation rested in the air like sparkling snowflakes, and it seemed as if the world had stopped. when whitepaw opened her eyes slowly, a cold chill went down her spine. iceclan was a cold land, but she felt warm where she was. she had no thoughts of leaving. well, that was a lie. something had been nagging at the back of her brain for a while, and it had been there since her apprenticeship had started. was it curiousity? perhaps, or a lust for adventure. the thing was, whitepaw couldn't ignore the feeling any longer. she stood up from her nest and stretched, ready for the day to begin. she looked around at the few apprentices in the nests around her, then silently whispered a message to all. "goodbye, my friends." she slipped from her nest onto the cold, dry earth. the morning weather was her favoruite, with all it's mysterious qualities. as she trotted from the den, she looked around and noticed she couldn't see out the camp enterance, it was much to foggy for that. when the strange weather hit her face, however, her whiskers trimered at the strange feeling of cold water droplets. they seemed to cling to her fur, and freeze her whiskers. she blinked her eyes rapidly to rid them of the extra water. whitepaw looked around, wondering if her desicion would be the right one. she sat to think about it for a bit. leaving the camp, everything she knew, her whole life, to chase a dream of freedom, of adventure, of courage. yep, sounded pretty nice. she stood again. should she tell someone, or just leave? she thought of all the cats she knew, sunkit, her sister, laurelpaw, another cat she met as a kit. laurel had been kind to her, and she felt as if she was betraying her in some way. wolfmist, whitepaw had barely gotten to know him, but he had also been kind. hazelkit, possibly the makings of the only true friend she would have. snowwhisper, her mentor. of course! she would have to tell snowwhisper, or the poor feline would search everywhere for her missing apprentice. looking around, she barely spotted the medicine cat's den through the fog. she just hoped that in waking snowwhisper, she wouldn't wake the other medicine cat as well. whitepaw padded over to the den and peered inside. it seemed mostly empty, but she could find the her mentor easily. as she quietly walked to her nest, she thought about what to say. something about leaving, but maybe a bit sugar coated, not blunt. she touched noses with the cat, and whispered ever so quietly to her, "snowwhisper? can you meet me outside...? i have something important to tell you." when snowwhisper awoke, whitepaw would lead her to the clan territory where they could talk without waking anyone. of course, she would have to ask her to give her sincere apologies to all the cats she met as a kit, and loved from the start. her eyes started to well up with tears, but she quickly blinked them away. she could always visit again, maybe. maybe not. she would have to meet them on the border, and the probablity of running into any of them was slim to none. whitepaw focused her mind back on the present, and sat beside snowwhisper' nest, hoping she would awake soon. I only know, that if I continue, I will not be able to return

[Snowwhisper]

Snowwhisper awoke from an anumious dream to hear another cat in the den. Curious, she stayed asleep to listen, somehow not surprised to hear her own apprentice. She popped her eyes open and nodded, pushing herself into a standing position. She could tell something important was coming, it was a sense she had had from birth, but she wasn't sure just what. And the fact that it was her own apprentice she was speaking to? It would be bad, but handleable. She smiled at her apprentice and nodded, casting a glance to the other medicine cat to make sure she hadnt left the den at night for whatever reason before preparing to follow her apprentice.

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I do not know where I come from, I do not know where I'm going WORDS: 141 whitepaw turned from her mentor to lead her from the den. they trotted straight out of the camp, and whitepaw turned to see if her mentor was still there. sure enough, she spotted her and smiled. after a short distance walk, whitepaw stopped around the middle part of the clan's territory. from here, they could go any direction, that is, she could go any direction. she respectfully nodded to snowwhisper and sat down, sticking out like a sore thumb through the fog and snow, while snowwhisper blended in quite well. she stated, again, that she had something important to say, and that it would probably be a bit hard to take lightly. I only know, that if I continue, I will not be able to return

[Snowwhisper]

Snowwhisper nodded. "And it's not something that will bring joy. Maybe grief or anger, but I have a feeling it's not something that will cause many positive feelings." she responded calmly. It would hurt others, but she was prepared for the worst always. As a medicine cat one had to learn to deal with things as sad as death and keep a calm face. "Go on." she nodded supportively.

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I do not know where I come from, I do not know where I'm going WORDS: 507 whitepaw took a deep sigh, mentally preparing for the speech she was about to bombard snowwhisper with. she had been looking at her paws, and didn't even notice. now, she looked up into the other feline's eyes, her own piercing green gaze calm. she started. "i've had this nagging thought in the back of my conscience for a while now, and just today, i decided to let it through. i have a great curiosity for what lies beyond the borderlines, beyond where us clan cats are allowed to go. ever since i was a kit, i had always wanted to know more, to explore, to see what's beyond the horizon. i can't stand sitting on the edge of anything. my whole life, i have been sitting on the brim of a discovery, a grand adventure, and not been able to reach it. as a kit, i had to sit on the brim of the nursery, and when i left, i found you. i found wolfmist and laurelpaw, and my life had gotten a bit brighter. i found that i couldn't ignore curiosity. as an apprentice, i am borderlined by the clan territory. i can't see what's beyond the end of the snow, of the chill i've always known. though, i can't help it, i want to see beyond what cats know. i want to find other lands than these." whitepaw paused to take a breath. when she continued, she couldn't help the tears that welled up in her eyes, though she concealed them well. "i don't want to leave you, but i do. it's so confusing. i know i can't stay here, being cooped up in our clan like this, it wasn't meant for me. i want to know the dangers of the world, to see the beauty of a sunrise in millions of different ways. i want to know the fresh scent of the forest, and the frost on a dry landscape. sure, i love iceclan, i love everyone i've met. you must tell them, tell sunkit, my sister, that i will never forget her, and that i'll see her again sometime soon. tell wolfmist i thank him for his kindness to me when i was a kit. hazelkit, how i wish we had gotten to know each other better. laurelpaw, she was so gentle, yet i feel she is suffering in some way. i wish i could've helped make her happier. woollyheart, if only i had gotten to know them all a bit better. a little longer. and you, thank you for all you've done for me. "i'm going to go to another land. i will visit the border of iceclan frequently. maybe i could see you again sometime." she smiled sadly at snowwhisper. it was such a heavy burden to put on her mentor's shoulders. what would she tell fallenstar? whitepaw felt a bit guilty. I only know, that if I continue, I will not be able to return

[Snowwhisper]

Snowwhisper shook her head slightly, moving closer to her apprentice to comfort her. "Whitepaw, I understand." she said, rather sharply to makes sure she had the other cat's attention. "I was born out there you know. I know how it feels to be confined when you would much rather be out there. It is fine. I would do it to" she said. She felt the pain welling up inside her, but she didn't let it show in any way shape or form. Whitepaw would need her to be calm.

"Laurelpaw is the brown one, right? I do believe she will always have trouble sharing. She doesn't seem to trust well, and she has a big history. She also doesn't want to place the pain on others." she said, speaking from the sense she had gotten from the redish cat. "Wolfmist has seen a many cats come and go. I have a feeling it won't even need to be said. I will try to tell them all though." she nodded. "And I'll even figure out something to tell my brother, we... Fallenstar. I forget his new name a lot. Anyway, I'll tell them."

Snowwhisper nodded slightly, a small smile on her face. "And I think you'd fair much better out there anyway. Would you mind letting me walk to the border with you as it appears you are leaving now."

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I do not know where I come from, I do not know where I'm going WORDS: 126 whitepaw nodded, glad to share the same curiosity within her that snowwhisper had. she was surprised to hear that fallenstar was her brother. she didn't follow family trees of others, but she had wanted to find out who her father was, even if she didn't like it. she smiled when snowwhisper offered to walk with her to the border. it would be nice to have a few more moments with the white cat. she stood and started to walk, then turned back to look at her mentor, waiting for her to walk alongside her, black against white. I only know, that if I continue, I will not be able to return

[Snowwhisper]

Snowwhisper took a moment to follow, remembering the small kitten she had met not long ago. "You really have grown up." she muttered under her breath before catching up. "So what do you know about life outside the clans right now?"

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I do not know where I come from, I do not know where I'm going WORDS: 073 whitepaw sighed as she began to walk. "not much, honestly. i was hoping you might know a bit more." she had no clue what would happen to her out there, only that she wanted to know what was out there. it seemed called her. I only know, that if I continue, I will not be able to return

[Snowwhisper]

Snowwhisper did know a bit more, although it would take a bit of effort to turn it into advise. After a moment of silence she finally managed. "Don't give out your trust to easily. It won't go over well ussually. Allow others to trust you though, and don't give them a reason not to if you can. Know your enemies and keep an eye on them while also making more allies. That covers the cats as for the lands? Well they change. Living out there you will have to get used to hunting an assortment of prey and being ready to fight the predators. But..." her voice trailed off before she nodded. "I think you'll do good out there. I always say to follow your gut and if you believe you belong out there, go for it."

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I do not know where I come from, I do not know where I'm going WORDS: 198 whitepaw listened intently to what snowwhisper said, making sure to take every word to the heart. one day, it could be the matter of her death or life. she stopped near a small stream that she had heard from a bit away. it reminded her of how free water was, how quickly it moved from place to place. it almost never had borders, no boundaries to keep it from where it was going. she looked up at snowwhisper. "did you have another name before you joined the clans?" whitepaw had been thinking of changing her name. having a clan name would give her history, and make others either turn her away, trust her, or betray her. either away, she thought changing her name was best for her wellbeing. "if we ever meet again, i might have a different name..." she trailed off as she dipped a paw in the chilled water and watched as it swayed around and through her claws. it had no boundaries, and neither would she. I only know, that if I continue, I will not be able to return

[Snowwhisper]

"Yes. I did... well technically. Back then I just let others call me what they wanted. I only solidly had a name when i joined the clan." she responded. "Out there, you will be free. Your friends may grieve for a little, but I will help them through it. It would be best to go before you talked yourself out of it though."

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I do not know where I come from, I do not know where I'm going WORDS: 277 whitepaw nodded to her mentor, knowing that at the moment, she really wanted to go. however, if they kept talking, she might be to cowardly to want to leave. "i think i like Rilian," she said as she took her paw from the stream. she turned to touch noses with her mentor. "i won't forget what you've done for me," she whispered, then turned and hopped gracefully over the stream. she padded a few paces before she stopped and looked over her shoulder at the white cat sitting across the water. she smiled, then started to run. she ran for what seemed like forever, passing landmark after landmark. when she neared a crashed object, she stopped to sniff it, but only stayed temporarily as it smelled faintly of twolegs. when she continued on her way, the fog had cleared at it had begun to snow. whitepaw ran through the cold, ice slicing at her lungs. she was nearing the iceclan border, and didn't hesitate crossing it. she shot right over it. she wouldn't travel in another territory's land, so she ran alongside the border of a clan. finally, she slowed, noticing that the clans were behind her. she stopped to turn back, looking to the territories that she had known. of course, she hadn't seen rockclan, fireclan, or treeclan from the inside, but she had known them, somehow. she turned to keep on going, but when she did, she found herself eye to eye with another cat. ((@leesee03)) I only know, that if I continue, I will not be able to return

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Snowy walked mindlessly, which always seemed to lead her back in the direction of Treeclan. She really had to snap out of it someday. She had made a choice and left and she planned to stay gone. That was in the front of her mind though, suncontiously returning was the better choice by far. She was rather surprised when she noticed another cat from... Iceclan? "What are you doing alone out here?"[.b] she asked, although there was no blame in her voice, just concern. Had this cat left? And if she did what was she planning to do to get by? Did she know anyone outside the clans? Or was Snowy just jumping the gun and had the younger cat simply gotten lost?

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I do not know where I come from, I do not know where I'm going WORDS: 177 whitepaw stumbled back, startled. her breath caught in her throat and her eyes went wide. her first thought was, oh no. what have i gotten myself into? but then, she noticed the obvious concern on the other cat's face. the question she asked was one so simple, and yet whitepaw stared at her, head slightly cocked to one side and bright eyed. finally, she got her wits about her and words stumbled from her mouth. "i'm... i... left. that is, um, i'm running." she stopped and gave the cat a strange look, that told her 'did i just say too much?' whitepaw stopped talking and smiled a smile without teeth. whitepaw had noticed she might've seemed a bit awkward, so she started again, being friendly. "i'm whi..." she trailed off and looked over to one side. she thought about what she just told snowwhisper. "that is, i'm rilian." I only know, that if I continue, I will not be able to return