It's a Poem

[Darkstar]

Okay, guys. So, if you are on the chat, you more than likely heard me talking about my portfolio. You guys wanted to read my story, but I'm still not letting anyone see it. :}

Instead, I will share my poem. Now, this was my first attempt on real poetry. None of that third grade stuff we had to do. I know it isn't very good, but I will share it anyway.

This is a "History Poem". We were supposed to take someone from the past (a picture) and make it into a poem.

History Repeats

This woman waits and wonders

Wondering when this would end,

Wondering when they would get some money,

Wondering if the family would survive.

Her children cry on her shoulder,

Whimpering,

Asking questions she cannot answer.

Their clothes are tattered,

Ragged like the blanket on the woman’s lap.

They don’t have another pair to change into.

She wants to cry with her children,

But she cannot bring herself to do it.

She needs to stay strong around them.

Only in privacy does she weep.

This woman waits and wonders

Wondering what she did to deserve this,

Wondering when she could stop worrying,

Wondering if the people would learn from this mistake.

Most of us didn’t.

[Koisplash]

...wow. Just...wow.
This is great! The pic really fits the poem nicely, and the woman's emotions and feelings you depicted in the poem really do fit her expression in the picture. And I really love the ending line---so bittersweet but thorough and honest. :)

Even though I don't go on the chat, you did a really good job on this poem. I hope you do more writing in the future.

[Darkstar]

Why thank you Koisplash. I didn't post it here for only the people on the chat to read, and I'm glad you took the time to read it. ^.^

It was really funny, because I had to read this poem to my teacher, and we both started joking about America's predicament. XD

[Swiftwish]

Its pretty good <3 I give it a 7/10 from a poet's view

They don’t have another pair to change into.

I suggest making it into "Not another pair to change into" so it can flow more.

In other words its pretty good ^^

[Darkstar]

See, I'm not really a poet. If I had a choice, I wouldn't have done this poem at all, but explain to me how "Not another pair to change into" flows at all. I know you can do basically anything with poetry and it makes sense, but, something about that doesn't fit in with that stanza.