Rolepay Check II [[Kit's please Read]]

[Thundernight]

Thunderkit was snuggled close to his mother Ivycloud, He purred happily as he slept. Then the young tom felt something crawling on his nose, He woke up with a sneeze and the black object fell off his nose "Mama mama wake up! there a really tiny kit in the nursery can i pway with it?" he begged but squealed as he looked at it closer, It had eight legs "This kit weird mama!" he cried crawling to his mothers side.

Being as lazy as Ivycloud was the queen did not wake up. Thunderkit huffs with anger and wriggles his haunches as he pounced at what he thought was a black kit, he caught it tight in his paws, He didn't know better so he squeezed it. "Die kit diee!" he squeaked playfully, He squeals with fear as it fell to the ground, dead. He poked at it "I didn't do it!" he cried hiding behind his mom who finally woke up and looked at the dead spider, She told her kit it was a spider and Thunderkit wrinkled his nose in disgust "Gross! Spider in the nursery!" he cried hiding behind his mom and soon falling asleep forgetting of the Spider, then he felt something on hid nose and sneezed "AHH!" he screamed

Word count:212

[Deleted]

Robinkit looked in the nursery and saw a small ball of moss. Curiusly she poked it with a claw, seeing it dident move she turned and kicked it with her back leg. The moss rolled to the other side of the nursery, after the moss. When she got closer she jumped on it, and rolled on her back. Robinkit stood up shakeing her small body. After her moss toy was laying all over the nursery she went to find a new toy.

[Amberpaw]

Amberkit opened her eyes.

"Hmm?? what is that!!!!?" she felt something prickly on her head. it was..... MOVING!!!

" Ahhhh!!! " she yowled, flinging the unknown object onto the wall.
all the kits were staring at her.
" this is my chance! " she thought.
" my chance to show all the other kits that i am a fierce hunter!!! "
she carefully slithered over to the thing, not making a sound, and stared at it.
what is it?


" it is not a cat, so i will hunt it and help my clan!!!!!! " she thought.
she slammed her paw down and crushed the thing.
then she brought it over to the fresh kill pile.

" i will make an awesome warrior! " Amberkit thought.

[vinekit]

" hello? " Vinekit calls, only seeing darkness.
" is anyone there? " she mews nervously.

" I'm here! " mews Canterkit, confused.
why couldn't her sister tell she was there?

" where? " mews Vinekit, desperately searching the darkness that surrounds her.
" where am i? " she mews, confused.

" you are in the nursery. " Canterkit says to her younger sister.

" is it supposed to be all black like this??!! " Vinekit says

" NO!! Whats wrong? do you feel OK??!! " Canterkit mews anxiously

" i feel fine " mews Vinekit

" cm on lets go to the medicine den " Canterkit calls, worried about her sister

" OK " mews Vinekit
she gets up and everything is still black. she puts her paw forward, only to stumble into a wall.
" oww" she yowls. she turns the other way, blundering into darkness, only to knock into someone
" watch where your going! " called whoever she just bumped into

" ill guide you " Canterkit say to her sister, fearing the worst.
" has she gone blind?! " Canterkit thinks.

they walk inside the medicine den.

firestorm, somethings wrong with Vinekit " Canterkit calls anxiously

" what is it? " firestorm calls

" Vinekit cant seem to see anything! " Canterkit told firestorm.

" " firestorm is wide eyed

she rushes over to Vinekit and bends over her.
" what color is my tail? " she asks her.

" i don't know. are you even holding your tail up? " Vinekit replies

" i think shes blind " firestorm says

this was made by me and Canterkit so the credit goes to both of us

[Shadefrost]

Wow. .I shouldn't have been ignoring this thread. Sorry, guys. D:

o-o-o-o-o-o

Whitekit, Thunderkit, perfect. :3

Finchkit, it was good. : D Keep an eye on your spelling though, and try not to have run-on sentences~

Robinkit, you did pretty well~ There were a few gramattical errors, though. ;3

Amberkit, you certainly have a lot to write. : D It's a great beginning. Just try to keep an eye on spelling, grammar, and sentence flow. I did like your story though. ^.^

o-o-o-o-o-o

Great job, overall. Trust me, you guys did a lot better than the general population of VWW would have two years ago. We weren't very literate back then. Believe it or not, it was all in brackets, like '-catches a mouse-'. Thankfully Squirrelpelt changed that.

[Briarkit]

A small gold and brown marble she-kit lay asleep in the nursery, the sunlight shining on her and all the kit's fur through the branches. Suddenly, her eyes blinked open, and revealed two sea-green lights shining curiously. She lifted her head up, and scrambled to her paws, excitement coursing through her. She lifted a paw, and placed it onto the ground in front of her, taking her first step into the world. She purred happily and put another paw down, only to recoil and hiss quietly. She lifted her paw up and saw a brown body lying squashed on the ground.
"Ew..." she mewed quietly, taking a closer look, and a leg moved. A little creeped out, she ran back to her nest and padded around the spider, trying to push it from her mind.

[Bramblekit]

It was a very cold leafbare, something which Bramblekit would have expected scince the last moons have been the most coldest days of his kithood. He let out a deep, long sigh and watched it dissapear in the cold mornings air. He was quite bored, no arguement on that. Bramblekit lay with his icey paws tucked under his warm belly, he blinked at one of the Queens who seemed tired.

Just before he was about to give up on waiting for something exciting to happen he heard a quiet crunching noise behind him. Intrigued by the sound he turned and, without thinking he lept onto a leaf. Bramblekit frowned and poked the leaf, suddenly some sort of insect came crawling out. He purred with amusement and tapped the insect which made it scurry away from him. Bramblekit raced towards it, with a broad smile and the hairy insect kept crawling away until it reached a bush. He sighed again and padded to his mother, to continue his boreing day..

[/colour]

[Iciclepaw]

Reedkit yawned, her maw opened a tiny bit to scent everything. Her bright blue-gray eyes were unchanged, rather than her unkempt pelt. Many kits were in the nursery, tumbling about and playing. Being rather shy, Reedkit backed into the shadows and drew her tongue over her side, keeping watch over the area she was in. A satisfied sigh escaped her, and she laid down, only to doze off after a few moments.

Later, she woke up to feeling a small fuzzy thing on her nose. "Aaaaauuuh!" She cried out. "Spiiiiiiderrrr!" Leaping up quickly, she started bucking until she rammed into the wall at full speed. "Unnnnhhh. I'm okay!" She mumbled. Soon she fell flat on her face. "I'm so not okay." Came the muffled squeak.

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[Soiledkit]

Soiledkit was rolling around, battling an imaginary cat. "Take that! Go back to your territory, you trespasser! Yaaah!" She was throwing the imaginary cat into his imaginary territory when she saw something scurry by. She quickly scrambled to her paws, slipping a few times before she got her balance. Soiledkit curiously padded over to the thing that had startled her out of playing. She sniffed it nervously. Whatever it was moved again, surprising Soiledkit so much that she nearly fell over! I feel like a fool, Soiledkit thought. She decided to ask Ivycloud what it was. She was older and knew more about the world than Soiledkit did. She trotted up to the nursery, a million questions burning in her mind. What was it? How could it move so fast? She found Ivycloud peacefully sleeping on her nest. Soiledkit would have to wait for her answers.

[Brokenwing]

I looked around with my one good eye, nothing, no noises in the den, not even the yowls from my clanmates. I made my way out to the clearing, nothing. "Where is everyone?" I headed down to the elders den,theres a blue starry cat. Who-ooo are you? "Bluestar,rest little one it's not time for you to know." In a instant my eyes were open and I was beside my clanmates.

[Ivycloud]

Everyone above me, good job! I read them all, and didn't see anything wrong with them except maybe a few grammar errors. But everyone makes those mistakes. Overall, perfect post! : D

[Soiledkit]

Thanks Ivycloud now I know it was a spider :3!

[nekocat]

The world was quiet, one summer morning, as Wishkit awoke. Her eyes fluttered open, and with a yawn and a stretch, the young she-cat got up and looked around the room. The sun had just got up, and the other cats in the nursery were still asleep. "Well this is uneventful," Wishkit growled, as she walked around with no one to play with.

There was movement in the corner, and Wishkit quickly pranced over until she noticed what it was, "SPIDER!" Wishkit screamed, "KILL IT, KILL IT!"

When no one came to her aid, she gathered her courage, and approached the deadly arachnid. Luckily, she was good at pouncing, as she leaped at it, not caring if her leap killed it or not, she continued stomping.

Once she noticed it wasn't moving anymore, she snuggled up next to her mother again and fell asleep.

[Lightningfoot]

Hookpaw who had just moved into the apprentice den was alone in making his nest when he smelled something odd. It had a crowfood stench and a snake stench he sniffed the air again only to find that the odd smelling creature was behind him. Now his fur was bristling on end his nose twitched at the tainted smell gathering all of his courage Hookkit turned around only to have come face to face with a huge black spider. gruesome images of him dead with a spider bite flashed through his mind but he shook them away.
Then a brilliant idea flashed into is head i can kill it and then show it to every one and they will think I'm awesome. Any cat would no that the ideas could of only came from a tom. Lowering himself to the ground he stalked the black spider then pounced squishing it with his gray paws.Disgusted at the yellow puss that was now smeared all over his paws he ran out of camp to a nearby stream leaving the spider and the geww for a unexpected cat.

[Wildwind]

Wishkit, Hookpaw, Great job guys!
I don't see any flaws!