Post by bugfire on Jul 9, 2011 21:23:39 GMT -6
Critique please~
Lost. Scared. Alone. Deathly Afraid. I tumbled into the snow, my wings fluttering helplessly. I wanted to cry out, but I couldn't for my mouth was filled with ice cold snow. I struggled to flap my wings to reach the Jaywings. My little blueish body was blown across the cold night.
" Momma! "
Was all I could cry out. I still had the song map in my head that Osprey sang to me. My wings buckled and I was blown out to sea. A white thick thing was in my vision now, and I crawled into the crack the white things formed. I was cold, but at least the wind couldn't reach me. I shivered and fell asleep.
The next thing I knew, my eyes opened and dusk was reaching the horizon. Muttering darkly, I flew to a lush oak tree. I was on an island. Memories flooded me and I thought miserably to myself.
A large hand tackled my small body, and pinned me in their grip. I bit, struggled, and tried to escape. Deep, thunderous voices sounded like they were trying to soothe me. They pinned a small silver ring to my left wing. They let me go and I fluttered back to my colony happily. When I reached them, they acted as if I was dangerous. Some flew off while my parents Shade and Osprey looked sadly at me.
" You cannot stay here anymore. "
The voice of the leader told me. I was hurt, saddened, and surprised. Two strong bats warily came to me and started beating their wings rapidly. They bared their teeth and my wings buckled.
So, I decided to stay here. I would live a life, and feast. When I would be older and stronger, I would fly the currents back home to the mainland.
Lost. Scared. Alone. Deathly Afraid. I tumbled into the snow, my wings fluttering helplessly. I wanted to cry out, but I couldn't for my mouth was filled with ice cold snow. I struggled to flap my wings to reach the Jaywings. My little blueish body was blown across the cold night.
" Momma! "
Was all I could cry out. I still had the song map in my head that Osprey sang to me. My wings buckled and I was blown out to sea. A white thick thing was in my vision now, and I crawled into the crack the white things formed. I was cold, but at least the wind couldn't reach me. I shivered and fell asleep.
The next thing I knew, my eyes opened and dusk was reaching the horizon. Muttering darkly, I flew to a lush oak tree. I was on an island. Memories flooded me and I thought miserably to myself.
A large hand tackled my small body, and pinned me in their grip. I bit, struggled, and tried to escape. Deep, thunderous voices sounded like they were trying to soothe me. They pinned a small silver ring to my left wing. They let me go and I fluttered back to my colony happily. When I reached them, they acted as if I was dangerous. Some flew off while my parents Shade and Osprey looked sadly at me.
" You cannot stay here anymore. "
The voice of the leader told me. I was hurt, saddened, and surprised. Two strong bats warily came to me and started beating their wings rapidly. They bared their teeth and my wings buckled.
So, I decided to stay here. I would live a life, and feast. When I would be older and stronger, I would fly the currents back home to the mainland.