Who will rescue me?: Poem.

[Swiftwish]

Who Will Rescue me?

Who will rescue me?
I'm lost in a roller coaster of emotions.
The kind that kills you.
I need to break way.
But my body says otherwise.
Your my drug.
I need to quit..
But it'll stick onto me forever.

Who will rescue me?
Lipstick stains and falling rain.
I've been through it all with you.
You make me sad.
You make me depressed.
But I still hold on.
I've never felt so lonely
I've never felt so sad.
But at the same time.
I've never felt so happy.

Who will rescue me?
I need help.
But I refuse it.
Your the one I need.
Yet your the one who caused it.
My feelings are broken.
I can't be mend.
All thanks to you,
I'm lonely for life.
And even in my grave.
I will hold on to this.

Who will rescue me?
My heart is shattered.
My soul is weak.
I can't love anymore.
I wasted it all on you.
I gave you everything I got.
You treated it like trash.
Now I sing the saddest song.
You may ever see.

Who will rescue me?

Because.

I

Am

Gone

[Zoom]

I commented, man!

Anyways, you're poem is great! But one thing that's an issue is that you're telling us, not showing us. Try not to say "you make me sad". Use some ridiculous and ambiguous metaphor that shows how you feel.

Honestly, pieces of writing generally leave more of an impression on the reader when they're ambigious, use metaphors or phrased in a witty manner. For example, this passage in Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close by Jonathan Saffron Foer. (Which is one of my favorite books! <3 )

“Literature was the only religion her father practiced, when a book fell on the floor he kissed it, when he was done with a book he tried to give it away to someone who would love it, and if he couldn’t find a worthy recipient, he buried it.”

What makes this excerpt so wonderful and impacting is that the author does not tell you that the father loves books. He shows you it, by examples of what he would often do, metaphors, and interesting phrases. That's the secret to good writing. Showing and not telling. It's a bit harder with poems, but in the end it's the same thing.

...I hope this makes sense to you?