Post by Nightheart on Jul 15, 2009 1:47:23 GMT -6
(I did not write this story, nor did I come up with this.)
Prologue
I sat in my brand-new wooden chair.
So chairable… I thought. Yet so sitable…
This chair was the best thing that had ever happened to me in my life since that one time with the scorpion and the popsicle. Ahh… the good old times…
Suddenly I snapped back into reality, shocked with terror, as a giant Pokemon started to devour the things in my room. At first I thought this was as bad as things were going to get… until I came to find that the giant creature was eating my chairs.
I almost passed out as consternation swepped through me, while my heart skipped a beat. I never liked that kind of Japanese animation… but this was absurd!
I bought those chairs for two dollars each… I whispered angrily. It was a discount.
I was going to retrieve my chairs somehow… no matter what the costs.
Part One
I woke up. The ground was wet. Was I inside the pocket monster? It was all a blur. I pushed myself up from my sprawled out position to see where I was. As if someone had read my mind, I heard a voice say, “Welcome to here.”
I quickly turned, and to my surprise I found a snowman staring at me with cold coal eyes.
I had not seen something like this before… (except on the Discovery Channel) so I found that the words coming out of my mouth were quite shaky.
“Um… H-hi Mr. Snowman. W-where am I?” I stuttered.
“You are here.” It replied in a voice somewhat similar to Yoda from Star Wars.
“Y-yes… I’m afraid I know that… but what is this place called?”
“Here.”
“No. I mean what is the name of this area?”
“Here.”
I felt anger surge through my body. I raised my hand in a threatening manner as I prepared to knock the snowman to the ground… and then realized something important.
If I hit the snowman… it would be cold. My hand would hurt from the cold. I certainly did not want that!
“Okay, okay bye.” I said with a sigh.
“Where are you going?” I heard the man of snow ask mockingly behind me. “There?”
It was too much to handle. It was just like handling a hot handle that is hard to handle because it’s hot.
My hand being cold was a risk I chose to take. The snowman’s head fell to the ground… and my hand was cold.
Darn it!
Part Two
After a while of walking… things started to get warmer. I soon found myself in the middle of a forest. At first I was happy that my hand was no longer cold, but horror struck me once more as I finally thought about where I was.
Then out of the blue/red/green/indigo/violet/orange something hit me on the back with a “BOP!” noise, capsizing me to the ground.
I got back up quickly and continued my thinking process. It was just as I had expected.
I was in a forest. Don’t get me wrong. Not all forests are bad. But when a forest has trees in it… the trees attack!
I heard laughter… evil laughter of a dark, menacing, doomingful voice. It was the tree that bopped me!
I let out a gasp… it all made sence now! When trees normally hit you the hit makes a smacking noise. But this tree was different. It had Sock Em’ Boppers (more fun than a pillow fight)!
Part Three
“Hohohohoho!” laughed the tree once more in its deep voice. “I hit you with my Sock Em’ Boppers (more fun than a pillow fight)!”
I froze. What was a person supposed to do in the situation where they’re confronting a tree with Sock Em’ Boppers (more fun than a pillow fight)?
“P-please Mr. Tree…” I began. “Please d-don’t hit me with your Sock Em’ Boppers (more fun than a pillow fight)!”
The tree smiled. “Yeah right! With these Sock Em’ Boppers (more fun than a pillow fight) I will sock you and bop you ‘til you drop!
I then developed a plan. It was a very complicated plan, but at a time like this, it’s a good plan to plan even the riskiest plans.
I brought my leg back behind me and kicked the tree with some of my might.
“Owww…” whined the tree. “Why’d you have to go and do that?”
I answered, “Well… I thought you were going to bring me down with those Sock Em’ Boppers (more fun than a pillow fight).
“I was… but then you kicked me… It hurt.”
“I don’t have time for this… I need my chairs…” I grumbled as I walked away.
“Two chairs?
“Yeah… two brand-new wooden chairs…”
“I saw two chairs come by here.”
“Really?”
“Sure.”
“So where are they?”
“Say… if you could get me some marshmallows… I’ll tell you the location of your chairs!”
“Deal!”
Part Four
I set off on my adventure to find the marshmallows. Unlike Dora the Explorer, I didn’t have a map… or a talking monkey with red shoes… so I was on my own.
I came to a mountainside landscape. Far off in the distance, about forty miles away, I could see a few marshmallows on the ground!
However, I didn’t want to walk all the way over there. I needed a more efficient way…
Something caught my eye and I turned to find a po-go stick resting against a tree!
It was such a coincidence… but even more importantly… the word po-go sounds funny!
Part Five
I forgot how I did it, but I landed with a thud on the po-go stick right next to the marshmallows. Just as I was about to grab them, I saw a shiny, metallic, toastery toaster.
I’ve seen these things on TV before… on the Food Channel. These evil contraptions burn innocent bread!
I took a step back. Then another. I hit something cold and hard. I turned around and to my horror saw another toaster… resting there… monotonously.
I screamed as I realized that I was in a toaster field. What kind of demented place is this?
I pulled myself together to ponder my situation. I then remembered that the toasters had to be plugged in! Silly me!
I took off with the marshmallows.
Part Six
“Here are your marshmallows.” I dropped them on the floor.
“Very good…” replied the tree that was now wearing a sinister looking cloak. “Very good indeed…”
“So where are the chairs? And why are you wearing that sinister looking cloak?”
“Hohohohoho!” snorted the tree. “I can’t believe you actually believed me!”
“No!”
“Yes! I am not a tree… I am actually… a totem pole! And your chairs are over there. Bwahohohoho!”
As the tree angrily tried to eat the marshmallows with the mouth he didn’t have… I walked over to the chairs, and just as I was about to touch them… an enormous tidal wave came crashing through the forest, out of nowhere. In the confusion… my chairs were lost once again.
Part Seven
As I was asleep… I must have been dreaming. I dreamt of a world with lots of blue candy. There was no red candy, nor purple candy. There was only blue candy.
After that dream, I broke out of REM and came to find that I was underwater. I tried to hold my breath… until I eventually had to breathe in a huge glob of water. It tasted fishy… as if something fishy was going on. Then I figured out I could breathe in water! But then I figured out that I was wrong about that, and I passed out.
I woke up on a beach... and saw a dark figure looking over me. I couldn’t really describe this figure to well… except that it was dark… and loomy. I rubbed my eyes… and the figure was gone. Dun, dun, dun!
I got up to look around for someone that could have been that figure… but I couldn’t find any signs of intelligent life. All I found was a demon that lived in a tree. He was friendly.
After exploring the island a little more… I found that I was lost like on the TV show LOST where they get lost. I then knew what I had to do to survive. I had… to move the island to a larger land-mass where my chairs could be.
I went to the island’s central command tower and pulled the “ignite” lever. I felt a slight rumbling and the island started off, speeding through the water. I felt relieved. What would the world be like if islands didn’t have central command towers?
Part Eight
After a while of islanding… I docked my island at a harbor off the cost of a place that I didn’t know anything about. As I was about to get off the island, I saw the silhouette of a figure again. It came closer to me. Closer, closer until I started to make out its figure. It was a hobo.
The hobo came up to me and said, “Hello Mr. Anderson. I have been waiting for you.”
“My names not-“ I replied as I was cut off.
“That’s not what’s important. What’s important is that you must pay me some money… or I won’t be your friend anymore.”
“What? That’s not fair! I don’t even have any money!”
“Fine then. I won’t be your friend!”
“No! Wait! I’ll find some money! Just let me be your friend!”
“Okay. You have one hour.”
“If you’re not back in time… you know the consequences.”
First my chairs, then the marshmallows, and now this! This was going to be a long journey.
Part Nine
I found the money about two minutes later when I went to the free money store that was located at the harbor.
“Here’s the money!” I said enthusiastically. “Now will you be my friend?”
“Sure!”, said the hobo as he tripped on my foot, fell of the dock, and was cut open my the beach’s rocks.
“Oops!” I said as I walked away laughing at how funny the hobo’s face looked when he died.
Now I needed a way to find my chairs. I went to the free money store, withdrew sixty-two billion dollars, and bought the radar so I could track down the dragonballs to make a wish. I had seen it done many times before on Dragonball Z, Dragonball, Dragonball GX, Dragonball Saga, Dragonball Friendship, Dragonball Big Hair, and all of the others.
The radar said that the dragonballs were in my pocket. So I took them out and summoned the dragon. I had seen it done many times before on Yu-Gi-Oh, Yu-Gi-Oh GX, Yu-Gi-Oh!, Yu-Gi-Oh Cardmasters, Yu-Gi-Oh Big Hair, Yu-Gi-Oh Bad Boyz, and all of the others.
The dragon came and said, “Ahhblahblahblah-blahblahblah!”.
I then realized that I was hungry, so I wished for some pizza. It was yummy. Then because I wasted my wish on the pizza, I took the dragonballs out of my pocket again, and this time wished for my chairs back.
And then rainbows came out of the sky, unicorns jumped around and two pink giant robots beat each other up in the distance.
Just as I was about to get my chairs again, something swooped down from the sky and took them away (as usual).
I was really lazy… so I didn’t reach into my pocket again to make another wish with the dragonballs. Instead, I grew wings and flew off into the sky, chasing the chair abductor.
Part Ten
I chased the unidentified flying object up to an unidentified flying object next to some other unidentified flying objects. They were very… unidentified.
I then gave up looking for my chairs… settled my differences with the abductor and bought some more chairs with the money I had left from the free money store.
Prologue
I sat in my brand-new wooden chair.
So chairable… I thought. Yet so sitable…
This chair was the best thing that had ever happened to me in my life since that one time with the scorpion and the popsicle. Ahh… the good old times…
Suddenly I snapped back into reality, shocked with terror, as a giant Pokemon started to devour the things in my room. At first I thought this was as bad as things were going to get… until I came to find that the giant creature was eating my chairs.
I almost passed out as consternation swepped through me, while my heart skipped a beat. I never liked that kind of Japanese animation… but this was absurd!
I bought those chairs for two dollars each… I whispered angrily. It was a discount.
I was going to retrieve my chairs somehow… no matter what the costs.
Part One
I woke up. The ground was wet. Was I inside the pocket monster? It was all a blur. I pushed myself up from my sprawled out position to see where I was. As if someone had read my mind, I heard a voice say, “Welcome to here.”
I quickly turned, and to my surprise I found a snowman staring at me with cold coal eyes.
I had not seen something like this before… (except on the Discovery Channel) so I found that the words coming out of my mouth were quite shaky.
“Um… H-hi Mr. Snowman. W-where am I?” I stuttered.
“You are here.” It replied in a voice somewhat similar to Yoda from Star Wars.
“Y-yes… I’m afraid I know that… but what is this place called?”
“Here.”
“No. I mean what is the name of this area?”
“Here.”
I felt anger surge through my body. I raised my hand in a threatening manner as I prepared to knock the snowman to the ground… and then realized something important.
If I hit the snowman… it would be cold. My hand would hurt from the cold. I certainly did not want that!
“Okay, okay bye.” I said with a sigh.
“Where are you going?” I heard the man of snow ask mockingly behind me. “There?”
It was too much to handle. It was just like handling a hot handle that is hard to handle because it’s hot.
My hand being cold was a risk I chose to take. The snowman’s head fell to the ground… and my hand was cold.
Darn it!
Part Two
After a while of walking… things started to get warmer. I soon found myself in the middle of a forest. At first I was happy that my hand was no longer cold, but horror struck me once more as I finally thought about where I was.
Then out of the blue/red/green/indigo/violet/orange something hit me on the back with a “BOP!” noise, capsizing me to the ground.
I got back up quickly and continued my thinking process. It was just as I had expected.
I was in a forest. Don’t get me wrong. Not all forests are bad. But when a forest has trees in it… the trees attack!
I heard laughter… evil laughter of a dark, menacing, doomingful voice. It was the tree that bopped me!
I let out a gasp… it all made sence now! When trees normally hit you the hit makes a smacking noise. But this tree was different. It had Sock Em’ Boppers (more fun than a pillow fight)!
Part Three
“Hohohohoho!” laughed the tree once more in its deep voice. “I hit you with my Sock Em’ Boppers (more fun than a pillow fight)!”
I froze. What was a person supposed to do in the situation where they’re confronting a tree with Sock Em’ Boppers (more fun than a pillow fight)?
“P-please Mr. Tree…” I began. “Please d-don’t hit me with your Sock Em’ Boppers (more fun than a pillow fight)!”
The tree smiled. “Yeah right! With these Sock Em’ Boppers (more fun than a pillow fight) I will sock you and bop you ‘til you drop!
I then developed a plan. It was a very complicated plan, but at a time like this, it’s a good plan to plan even the riskiest plans.
I brought my leg back behind me and kicked the tree with some of my might.
“Owww…” whined the tree. “Why’d you have to go and do that?”
I answered, “Well… I thought you were going to bring me down with those Sock Em’ Boppers (more fun than a pillow fight).
“I was… but then you kicked me… It hurt.”
“I don’t have time for this… I need my chairs…” I grumbled as I walked away.
“Two chairs?
“Yeah… two brand-new wooden chairs…”
“I saw two chairs come by here.”
“Really?”
“Sure.”
“So where are they?”
“Say… if you could get me some marshmallows… I’ll tell you the location of your chairs!”
“Deal!”
Part Four
I set off on my adventure to find the marshmallows. Unlike Dora the Explorer, I didn’t have a map… or a talking monkey with red shoes… so I was on my own.
I came to a mountainside landscape. Far off in the distance, about forty miles away, I could see a few marshmallows on the ground!
However, I didn’t want to walk all the way over there. I needed a more efficient way…
Something caught my eye and I turned to find a po-go stick resting against a tree!
It was such a coincidence… but even more importantly… the word po-go sounds funny!
Part Five
I forgot how I did it, but I landed with a thud on the po-go stick right next to the marshmallows. Just as I was about to grab them, I saw a shiny, metallic, toastery toaster.
I’ve seen these things on TV before… on the Food Channel. These evil contraptions burn innocent bread!
I took a step back. Then another. I hit something cold and hard. I turned around and to my horror saw another toaster… resting there… monotonously.
I screamed as I realized that I was in a toaster field. What kind of demented place is this?
I pulled myself together to ponder my situation. I then remembered that the toasters had to be plugged in! Silly me!
I took off with the marshmallows.
Part Six
“Here are your marshmallows.” I dropped them on the floor.
“Very good…” replied the tree that was now wearing a sinister looking cloak. “Very good indeed…”
“So where are the chairs? And why are you wearing that sinister looking cloak?”
“Hohohohoho!” snorted the tree. “I can’t believe you actually believed me!”
“No!”
“Yes! I am not a tree… I am actually… a totem pole! And your chairs are over there. Bwahohohoho!”
As the tree angrily tried to eat the marshmallows with the mouth he didn’t have… I walked over to the chairs, and just as I was about to touch them… an enormous tidal wave came crashing through the forest, out of nowhere. In the confusion… my chairs were lost once again.
Part Seven
As I was asleep… I must have been dreaming. I dreamt of a world with lots of blue candy. There was no red candy, nor purple candy. There was only blue candy.
After that dream, I broke out of REM and came to find that I was underwater. I tried to hold my breath… until I eventually had to breathe in a huge glob of water. It tasted fishy… as if something fishy was going on. Then I figured out I could breathe in water! But then I figured out that I was wrong about that, and I passed out.
I woke up on a beach... and saw a dark figure looking over me. I couldn’t really describe this figure to well… except that it was dark… and loomy. I rubbed my eyes… and the figure was gone. Dun, dun, dun!
I got up to look around for someone that could have been that figure… but I couldn’t find any signs of intelligent life. All I found was a demon that lived in a tree. He was friendly.
After exploring the island a little more… I found that I was lost like on the TV show LOST where they get lost. I then knew what I had to do to survive. I had… to move the island to a larger land-mass where my chairs could be.
I went to the island’s central command tower and pulled the “ignite” lever. I felt a slight rumbling and the island started off, speeding through the water. I felt relieved. What would the world be like if islands didn’t have central command towers?
Part Eight
After a while of islanding… I docked my island at a harbor off the cost of a place that I didn’t know anything about. As I was about to get off the island, I saw the silhouette of a figure again. It came closer to me. Closer, closer until I started to make out its figure. It was a hobo.
The hobo came up to me and said, “Hello Mr. Anderson. I have been waiting for you.”
“My names not-“ I replied as I was cut off.
“That’s not what’s important. What’s important is that you must pay me some money… or I won’t be your friend anymore.”
“What? That’s not fair! I don’t even have any money!”
“Fine then. I won’t be your friend!”
“No! Wait! I’ll find some money! Just let me be your friend!”
“Okay. You have one hour.”
“If you’re not back in time… you know the consequences.”
First my chairs, then the marshmallows, and now this! This was going to be a long journey.
Part Nine
I found the money about two minutes later when I went to the free money store that was located at the harbor.
“Here’s the money!” I said enthusiastically. “Now will you be my friend?”
“Sure!”, said the hobo as he tripped on my foot, fell of the dock, and was cut open my the beach’s rocks.
“Oops!” I said as I walked away laughing at how funny the hobo’s face looked when he died.
Now I needed a way to find my chairs. I went to the free money store, withdrew sixty-two billion dollars, and bought the radar so I could track down the dragonballs to make a wish. I had seen it done many times before on Dragonball Z, Dragonball, Dragonball GX, Dragonball Saga, Dragonball Friendship, Dragonball Big Hair, and all of the others.
The radar said that the dragonballs were in my pocket. So I took them out and summoned the dragon. I had seen it done many times before on Yu-Gi-Oh, Yu-Gi-Oh GX, Yu-Gi-Oh!, Yu-Gi-Oh Cardmasters, Yu-Gi-Oh Big Hair, Yu-Gi-Oh Bad Boyz, and all of the others.
The dragon came and said, “Ahhblahblahblah-blahblahblah!”.
I then realized that I was hungry, so I wished for some pizza. It was yummy. Then because I wasted my wish on the pizza, I took the dragonballs out of my pocket again, and this time wished for my chairs back.
And then rainbows came out of the sky, unicorns jumped around and two pink giant robots beat each other up in the distance.
Just as I was about to get my chairs again, something swooped down from the sky and took them away (as usual).
I was really lazy… so I didn’t reach into my pocket again to make another wish with the dragonballs. Instead, I grew wings and flew off into the sky, chasing the chair abductor.
Part Ten
I chased the unidentified flying object up to an unidentified flying object next to some other unidentified flying objects. They were very… unidentified.
I then gave up looking for my chairs… settled my differences with the abductor and bought some more chairs with the money I had left from the free money store.
