Meh....

[Silverstripe]

I just need to get some things out, so I thought I would just right it down here. So you can ignore this if you want. Don't want to trouble you, really, just had to write it somewhere, and really don't know where else....So yep.

Do you ever feeling like you don't belong?
Do you ever feel like you are just dragged along?
Do you ever feel like this isn't your home?
Do you ever feel alone?
Do you ever feel depressed?
Do you ever feel like your just a mess?
Do you ever feel hated?
Do you ever feel unrelated?
Do you ever feel like falling apart?
Do you ever feel like your not smart?
Do you ever feel afraid?
Do you ever feel strayed?
Do you ever feel like a mistake?
Do you ever feel like you just need a break?
Do you ever feel unwanted?
Do you ever feel haunted?
Do you ever feel like you don't belong?
That you are just dragged along....

[Deleted]

Pretty good, but I've seen better ones*
*Not to be insulting, just saying there can be improvements, which in turn is not insulting, and so on.

[Silverstripe]

Well since I literally come up with it on the spot, since I needed to let out my feelings, I didn't plan on it to be good.

[Deleted]

Oh my god I realized that's exactly how I feel my life is like. I'm experiencing the horror of moving into a new place(had to leave all my friends ). It fits EXACTLY. If I were to tell you how perfect it is I'd have to get personal  BUT IT FITS EXACTLY

We're sisters right now XD

[Forestbreak]

Hi there! c: If you're taking critique, I have a couple of suggestions.

First of all, repetition can work really well sometimes, but you have to be careful with it, because it can sometimes start to sound like a broken record or take away the impact of the statement (in this case, the "do you ever feel...?").

Second of all, rhyming and rhythm can also be tough to work with. In this poem, the rhythm of the rhymes is a little inconsistent and hard to follow. For example, the first three lines are all eleven syllables, and then that consistency is suddenly broken off in the fourth line. I'm not saying every line needs to have the same amount of syllables, but starting out with that sameness and then immediately discarding it kind of disrupts the flow of the poem. It's all about how it reads, and what sounds good to you and the reader.

Overall, though, I liked it. Keep writing! c:

[Deleted]

Forestbreak are you a writing teacher XD

[Silverstripe]

Apr 16, 2014 20:06:43 GMT -6 @lemurkit said:

Oh my god I realized that's exactly how I feel my life is like. I'm experiencing the horror of moving into a new place(had to leave all my friends ). It fits EXACTLY. If I were to tell you how perfect it is I'd have to get personal  BUT IT FITS EXACTLY

We're sisters right now XD

Thanks

AS for Forestbreak I usually always accept critique on my writings or my art or anything, but not really with this. Even thought it was nice of you to put. Because like I said before I did this on the spot, it wasn't something that I thought about, and it was to just let out my feelings. And I don't usually do poetry i'm more of a story writer, but thank you. 

[Petalfur]

I read one of your other threads in the General board, and i understand why you had to "Let it Go". I can become fiercely protective over other people, as some have already experienced on this site, and for some reason I feel like I'm protective over someone I haven't met. (AKA You, Silver)

Does that make me sound like a stalker?

Anyway, I can relate to improvisation as you did with this poem. Sometimes when I just REALLY want to write, I just plop myself in front of a word document and off I go. Doesn't always turn out nicely, though.

Overall, i think i was a great poem meant to express an emotion rather than for beauty, and poems are often the best way to put words into feelings while forcing your mind to focus on a new idea rather than sink in self pity.

I enjoyed reading this, and yeah
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