Forgiving is like mission impossible... [PRIVITE]

[Lagoon]

Killer only ;3

There she sat, in the flowers. She was again los in thought - as usual. But now, her thoughts where only on forgiving him. It was crazily impossible, but somehow she had to - bit by bit. Though she had yet another male on mind, she desperately wanted him as at least a companion.  Yes, that's what she now thought of him.. Just a companion to be at her side, loyal and trustworthy. But he wasn't the same without her - is what she had noticed, and she was clearly in no rush to fall for him yet again. But she knew that once she took in his sent and lay with him, it would break her down and she would yet again seek his love. Why was she like this..?

Her mind was turning, lurching, almost straining itself too find one sign of decent sanity. But she could never do that being half heart to Killer. That name.. She hadn't said it in what seemed like forever, she opened her mouth to fill it with air. It sounded cracked and broken when anyone else said it, meaning it to sound like a true murderer who has zero feelings for anyone. But when she said it, it warmed her.  Her heart swelled as she repeated it "Killer.." Again she felt her lips quiver with the word, but pain flooded her thoughts in memory of him... He wasn't a Killer.. Not to her at least... He wasn't her Killer, rather her saver..

She lay alone, the warm sun beating down onto her glossy white pelt. A familiar sent filling her with relief. It was her murderer, Killer. But of course she didn't mean it like that. She gazed up at him, his large form. She studied it, how his muscles rippled through his fur and how his golden gaze frightened her - yet brought relief. She shouldn't be thinking about him this way, but she wanted his love.. But hated it. What was she...? Heart broken..? Or the heartbreaker..?



[<3 <3 <3]

[Killer]

as he moved thought the field of endless flowers he say the glowing white pelt of the she-wolf whom he loved... he could not bare to leave her so he joind this pack and would do much more to keep her safe, after finding out she had a liking in another male he broke he could not take it any more he had leaft for her own saftey and he came back all for her to only find out she had been with his brother. he pain was still fresh and it killed the large wolf every thing he had ever loved had been taken from him. he had not relised that as he was in thought his paws had carried him closer to lagoon, close enough to being all the pain back.

he looked at her she was the only one who seemed to understand him the only one he was able to catch his attrition she was his light in all of his darkness, she did not judge him for his bloody past but more took an interest in it she was and angle in this life he gazed at her sea of green optics that he could not help but gaze at he wondered (how can an angle like her like a monster like me) he looked away for a moment as he hung on this question. he then looked back at her she was staring at him now and he met her mezmorising eyes an d shook his head

he let him self stiffen he then looked at her with hardend yellow eyes he did how ever let the pain that he was feeling also enter the glare, he thought pitifully (she never wanted me) she had choose his brother the moment he left coisdent I don't think so she most have really liked ash to move on she quickly he thought bitterly he now really had nothing in his life (No, timber, lagoon, even his own brother betrayed him) he was a monster but his gaze sofend and he thought (why don't you think of lagoon) she seemed happy to have some one in her life, how could he even think of taking that from her the best thing for him to do would be to just leave and never return.

but how could he do that she was all he had ever wanted she could do what no one else could to the large male she could do the impossible.....

[Lagoon]

His gaze through her off, hard and burning. It terrified her - like the feeling of defet. It crushed her so she could barely breath. She squinted her eyes in fear he would pounce - but the gaze softened. It filled her with a softening warmth. It spread through her so instead of blood was sweet memory run in through her. It filled her heart wih glee. Oh his eyes, how they shone like a thousand stars and filled her with it's light. She let out a small sigh.

She grunted - snapping to reality. She knew he wasn't hers anymore. She had made a mistake. But she was happy with Ash.. Who did she love - that question was unknown to her. She was now full of half hearted bitterness, she didn't love Ash as much as him.. It was different.

She slowly got to her paws, and padded towards him. She took in the full blast sent of him and felt warm - uncaring how Ash would react. She met his gaze, painful... Her jaws parted in words - "Killer..?" She murmured. "I know that we are both upset, am I correct?" She asked rhetorically. "I'm goin to forgive you and be your friend again, ok? I will be there besides you - I promis.."'she murmured. She couldn't leave behind her best friend.. It was just so difficult..

[Killer]

(so Sad I can't take it ;(

as he tried to read her solking expressions he could tell that she still had feelings for him but he was not sure if she4 had more for ash, he lowerd his gaze he could no longer look into the jade optics it just brought back to much pain and menmory of when things were how they should be when he had something to charish and love but now he had nothing he was love-less and would most likley stay alone for ever he had been thinking of leaving the forest for good and becomeing a loner that way he would not have to feel his heart burn every where he went, it seemed that were ever he was he ran into some one from the past it just hurt the male to much to stay so this was his most favored thought. but he could also not bear to leave all he ever had even if it was not his any more.

he looked at her with his golden optics now soft and warm with love but behind the pain mask was nothing more than a monster he was a killer....

he then was a little taken back as she approuched him he drank in her sweet sent the warm-ness of her glossy pelt was iresistable every thing in him told him to just get closer to touch the warm ness of lagoon the sent the look the feeling it was over wheling to him he could not hide that he enjoyed the closnes of them it showed until he met her gaze she had something to tell him and he had a feeling it was not going to be to good for him. he then nodded "Yes" he longed to her her gentel voice agin so he preicked his ears and waited for her to continue he hung onto every word as she spoke again this time the question struck him he was not sure were this was going but down hill. he then slowly moved forwared ever so slightly and murmerd with a gentel husky voice " Yes you are Corret" was all he was able to get out as he choked back all of his feelings he now new where this was going.

He then listend with pain in his heart and the word (Friend) echoed though him he was some what angered by the word forgive all he had done was leave for her he was being hunted and he could not being him self to let harm come to lagoon it tore him but it had to be done he dipped his head and added as she promised " Ok, but before you really promise" the thought and added on " Do you really even want to be around me after all ash is not the forgiving type" with a huff he once agian added "I have been thinking about leaving the pack" and thought (It hurts to much to see you with my brother) he then looked at her with nothing but longing and want. he then could see the pain she tried to mask he chuckled on the inside she does still have lealings for me. he grimanced but then the pain and hurt only expanded in his chest she liked himas only a friend but ash was the one she was staying with and he had to exept it might be better for every one if he could just let her go but all he wanted was lagoon she was every thing he loved now

so if she likes ash then so be it I shall leave she had done the impossible, broken into the forbidden part of his heart and she had broke it she tuley had done the impossible......

[Lagoon]

Pain struck through her light lighting. "You can't leave he pack.." She whimpered. "Thy will miss you - I will miss you.. Killer please don't.." Her voice rang with what seemed to be longing. She belonged to Ash - But. Killer belonged to her. It was an uncontrollable triangle of broken love.. How could she have gotten here...?


[sorry for the short post]

[Killer]

he felt pain weigh him down as he felt her hurt gaze pearce his dark pelt, he then looked at her and listened with anguish in his heart as she spoke of them missing him but he raised his head as she said what he had always longed to hear he thought (really would you miss me) he looked at her as the longing in her voice was over whelming. he then met her amazing jade eyes and could tell she had no idea what to do, it seemed as if all he had ever loved fell away or was taken from him, as he read her longing and frustrated expression he then could tell she was thinking of Ash, his only brother and all that was left of his family he always new ash had it in for him the cunning wolf had taken every thing

he had even managed to break the large male his brother had also done the impossible...

(so sad) ;(

[Lagoon]

Sad looks where given her. Sad, dreaded, painful, horrid, pitiful looks. She couldn't keep it in - she burst. "Stop it, Killer!!" She yowled, throwing her head back into a pitiful howl. "I'm sorry, I don't know who I love.. I'm lost, I'm scared. Why are you collapsing over me - I shouldn't mean anything to you.. I am a crazed killer.. You don't know my true identity.. I am now questioning my own sanity - I don't want me.. Why do you..?" She growled. It was a mix of anger and pain - love was torture.. "I love you Killer, but I love Ash to.. I didn't need protecting.. I needed you.. I-I don't know what I'm becoming.. This is burnt through me like acide.." She dropped - collapsing under herself. She let oh a cold whimper, she was broken.

"I am not a kind one - I am different.. I act kind.. Do you think that I feel so happy and gleeful inside?.. Can't you just let me be and stay wih me as a friend.. I can't do this anymore.. I can't do anything anymore.." With that she burried her face in her tail - refusing to meet eye contact - how could she do this to herself...?


[o.0 that was hard to write D": this is frigging sad!]

[Killer]

he was a little taken back when she raised her voice he even flinched at the tone of it,she was mad at him and at the same time made at here self. he could not help but feel a little cheated and hurt when she declared she did not know whom she loved. He stared at her with large golden eyes that betrayed his feelings frusteration, hurt, pain, and even love. he then stepped closer to her as she had a melt down and he said in a soft voice "Your, no killer" he showed a faint smile to show that he felt for her and still cared. he then met her eyes and added "why do I want you?.....(thought) your every thing to me your the only one who knows me for me you are my light you are my one and only Love.... he then trailed off he did love her but he relised he was making it harder on her so he stopped short of his feelings.

He stared in horror as she spoke of not knowing whom she was he could not take it to see her like this for her sake he lowered his head and said with a husky but caring voice "I will stay for you" he let her eyes show how much he cared and he then nodded at the thought of just being her friend was still better than no lagoon. he stepped evewn closer and nudged her with his muzzle gentaly she seemed as if she would snap at any moment. he then whispered "I will always be there for you, even if you don't see me or want me I will be there" he stepped away and looked around to make sure ash had not come to check on his new prize.

(can't take it any more(LOL) 

[Lagoon]

She nodded, confused herself by her theatrics. She went to nuzzle his cheek in thanks - he truly was a great friend.






[So tired - sorry D:]