Post by Cloverstar on Aug 24, 2014 22:12:02 GMT -6
I'm going to die.
Before you ask why, hear me out. You're probably going to judge me by the end of this, but you know, whatever. I'm going to die anyway, so it probably doesn't matter.
So, my parents wanted to set me up with this guy they liked. I didn't really like him, he was kind of a douche, if you ask me. There was this big party where I had to dance with him, but there I met this other guy. He came with his friends, and he was cute. Like, really cute. Really, really cute.
I have fun with this guy, we kiss a little, all that fun stuff, right? You'd think that'd be the end of it. Aha. No.
When the party's over, what does this guy do? He stalks me home and he starts yelling at my window and talking about how much he loves me. I mean, weird. But he was still cute, so I went with it and I didn't call the cops because come on, that creepy stalker behavior is kind of endearing if you really think about it. Sort of.
I hang out with this guy some more, and we start sneaking around because his parents don't like me. He has to go hang out with his friends, too, though, so we can't see each other a lot of the time.
Then he gets this idea that we should totally get hitched, Vegas style. So we do, and this old man he knows has us married. It was really cheap and technically not even a wedding, just a ceremony, but you know, I'm cool with it. Then we go back to my house and he parks his car in my garage. Metaphorically speaking. Which was awesome, actually.
Obviously, he had to leave the next morning because of his parents. But then that morning, my parents tell me I should give the guy they want me to get with a chance. I mean, really? Wow. They're just...and he's just...ugh.
Oh yeah, and I also find out my new husband just killed my cousin. Like, seriously? Not even an entire day of marriage and he goes around murdering my relatives?
Whatever. Moving on.
Because I don't want to get hitched with slobberface-whatshisname-guymyparentswantmetogetwitheventhoughIdon'twantit, I go to the old man. He gives me this medication that'll knock me out so my parents think I'm dead and then after the funeral, I can go sneak off with my guy. I take the medication, and man, it really works. Like, wow.
So I'm unconscious for like, maybe three hours, I think. I dunno, I didn't check the clock. But when I wake up, guess what I see?
My guy. Dead, right there, from chemical drinking.
Oh, and the other guy my parents liked is dead too.
So my husband is dead, and at this point, I really have nothing left to live for. I mean, come on! He's cute. Well, he was cute. And now he's gone. Departed. Deceased. Forever from this world, with my cousin and the other guy.
My life sucks.
So there you have it. I'm going to die. I have a knife to help me with it.
Though, I can't help wondering how my parents will react. All I can say is that knowing them, at my funeral, they're probably going to say something like:
"From forth the fatal loins of these two foes,
A pair of star cross'd lovers take their life,
Whose misadventur'd piteous overthrows
Doth with their death bury their parents' strife."
Before you ask why, hear me out. You're probably going to judge me by the end of this, but you know, whatever. I'm going to die anyway, so it probably doesn't matter.
So, my parents wanted to set me up with this guy they liked. I didn't really like him, he was kind of a douche, if you ask me. There was this big party where I had to dance with him, but there I met this other guy. He came with his friends, and he was cute. Like, really cute. Really, really cute.
I have fun with this guy, we kiss a little, all that fun stuff, right? You'd think that'd be the end of it. Aha. No.
When the party's over, what does this guy do? He stalks me home and he starts yelling at my window and talking about how much he loves me. I mean, weird. But he was still cute, so I went with it and I didn't call the cops because come on, that creepy stalker behavior is kind of endearing if you really think about it. Sort of.
I hang out with this guy some more, and we start sneaking around because his parents don't like me. He has to go hang out with his friends, too, though, so we can't see each other a lot of the time.
Then he gets this idea that we should totally get hitched, Vegas style. So we do, and this old man he knows has us married. It was really cheap and technically not even a wedding, just a ceremony, but you know, I'm cool with it. Then we go back to my house and he parks his car in my garage. Metaphorically speaking. Which was awesome, actually.
Obviously, he had to leave the next morning because of his parents. But then that morning, my parents tell me I should give the guy they want me to get with a chance. I mean, really? Wow. They're just...and he's just...ugh.
Oh yeah, and I also find out my new husband just killed my cousin. Like, seriously? Not even an entire day of marriage and he goes around murdering my relatives?
Whatever. Moving on.
Because I don't want to get hitched with slobberface-whatshisname-guymyparentswantmetogetwitheventhoughIdon'twantit, I go to the old man. He gives me this medication that'll knock me out so my parents think I'm dead and then after the funeral, I can go sneak off with my guy. I take the medication, and man, it really works. Like, wow.
So I'm unconscious for like, maybe three hours, I think. I dunno, I didn't check the clock. But when I wake up, guess what I see?
My guy. Dead, right there, from chemical drinking.
Oh, and the other guy my parents liked is dead too.
So my husband is dead, and at this point, I really have nothing left to live for. I mean, come on! He's cute. Well, he was cute. And now he's gone. Departed. Deceased. Forever from this world, with my cousin and the other guy.
My life sucks.
So there you have it. I'm going to die. I have a knife to help me with it.
Though, I can't help wondering how my parents will react. All I can say is that knowing them, at my funeral, they're probably going to say something like:
"From forth the fatal loins of these two foes,
A pair of star cross'd lovers take their life,
Whose misadventur'd piteous overthrows
Doth with their death bury their parents' strife."
