Seeking Guidance (p)

[Cloverstar]

(Private to Venomclaw.)

So far, the moons had been far easier on Cloverstar. She had had nothing to worry about now, just ceremonies and training, hunting and the like--the usual routine. Sometimes, it was easy to forget what pressure and hardships leadership usually brought because of the current slowness. Save for the ceremony giving and other leader-specific duties, she might as well have been still a warrior.

Which she would be now, if it weren't for Hawkstar's passing, and Sagefang after him, and the mantle being thrown on her when she was still fresh from her warrior ceremony.

Of course, she was older now, but still not a senior. Still young. Cloverstar couldn't relate to the other leaders--but she'd heard TreeClan had gotten a new one recently, a younger one, perhaps--who were so much older than her, wiser and more experienced. She felt like a kit in comparison. And that was without getting into the strangeness of being able to boss around older Clanmates, stronger Clanmates probably more qualified for leader than she was.

That insecurity was why she was here. Venomclaw was once Venomstar. How he was still here and not in CloudClan like her mentor was beyond anyone's guess. But she was glad for it. She at least had a living former leader she could ask, instead of making a journey to the Shimmering Rocks. Not that traveling to the Shimmering Rocks was bad--it was just intimidating, speaking to spirits.

She stepped into the den hesitantly, poking her head through the entrance. It seemed quiet, though not eerily so. She cleared her throat.

"...Hello?" she ventured. "Venomclaw? I...wish to speak with you."

[Venomclaw]

Venomclaw, who had never quite stopped thinking of himself as Venomclaw even when leader, was old. Quite old. Not as old as say Darkstar, but still old. He wasn't very happy about this situation, as being old precluded certain activities. This was, after all, why he had retired as leader. He simply ran out of energy too quickly to lead a clan. He probably still had his remaining seven lives, although he was exactly inclined to test that. Or, he might have died of old age several times without realizing it and lowered that number.

Most of the time, he sat in the Elder's den staring down kittens who wanted him to give a story. As he couldn't give actual stories without causing all the Queens to complain about him telling kits about death and how his subordinates were all idiots he should have killed, he didn't get to tell many stories. Which was good because he wasn't a bard.

Now, though, he had a visitor that was worth his time. Cloverstar, a new leader. She was the successor to, uh, Hawkstar was it? He couldn't bother to remember everyone's name. He'd claimed dementia if asked.

"You are already speaking with me." Venomclaw said, with complete seriousness. "However, I don't know what the topic of this conversation will be. Please explain."

[Cloverstar]

Cloverstar's ears twitched and, squinting in the darkness, she saw him. Yes, that was definitely him. The voice was a giveaway, if the appearance wasn't already.

"...Yes, I guess I am," she replied, not sure what to make of it. She stepped further into the den, so at least only her head wasn't poking through anymore, and sat down.

"I would like to ask you for some advice," she began, getting straight to it. No point in beating around the bush. "What would you do, if...if you were afraid of an approaching threat, but you don't know what exactly it could be or when it could happen?"

That was the best wording she could think of to put her current problem in. Most would probably call it sheer paranoia, but she couldn't help the nagging feeling that it was something else. She found herself looking over her shoulder more than usual, sleeping more fitfully with nightmares of death and blood on the ground and helplessness to do anything about it. There had to be something more to this than that.

The closest thing she was sure about was that whatever it was, it involved DeathClan. Somehow.

[Venomclaw]

"Intuition is vital. Even if no threat emerges, I'd still ramp up defenses and battle training. Better that the Clan gets a bit extra training than slaughtered by a better prepared enemy." He said. Venomstar had been known for a rather impassioned stance on defense, generally having a disdain for non-fighters. This was despite his blatant and quite infamous relationship with Sunblaze, a medicine cat. Many had theorized that the reason for his attraction was Sunblaze's considerably better battle skill than other medicine cats.

"Then, when the threat arrives, you crush it so utterly that it never comes back." He said, folding his paws over each other and looking at Cloverstar. "Because if you don't, it will come back."

[Cloverstar]

She listened intently, taking in every word. More defenses and battle training seemed reasonable. Cloverstar already had enough training going on--a little more couldn't hurt, could it? She already looked paranoid at this rate.

A chill, however, went through her at the last lines. DeathClan came to mind immediately, Drought's face already clear in her mind. The scar over her throat suddenly felt hot, almost pulsing against her skin, or maybe that was her imagination.

She shuddered. She'd already made a mistake by trying to murder Drought, risking a kit's life for his death. Was she weak for not going that far or for failing in her effort? Should she have done it at all?

"How can you crush a threat that never leaves?" Cloverstar asked, almost listlessly. She found herself sitting down, tail flopping around her paws. "I can't...I already--"

She gulped. "I already tried to do that. I tried to...kill Drought. But he just--I just lost my first life instead, and for what?" she snapped, more directed towards herself than anyone else. "For him to take over until he was forced to retreat! And I tried to kill him when he wanted to bargain with me. RockClan's takeover for a kit's life. And I chose to just kill him instead, and risk the kit dying, but that was all worthless because RockClan was still taken! I was so weak, so--so stupid, and I keep thinking about how I could have done this, or that, or this, or just something other than what I actually did...!"

Cloverstar had no idea where she was going with this, but she felt as if she couldn't stop once she'd started. All of her pent-up frustration, her self-hatred and doubts, came pouring from her in what turned into a rant. Once she had paused to breathe at the end of a sentence, she stopped, realizing it'd go on for far longer than needed if she kept talking. And she wasn't here to rant at Venomclaw--she was here for advice.