You're On My Mind // p

[Lightfall]

(Jayfoot)

Lightfall was still getting used to being... dead. But it wasn't so bad, she could still watch the ones she loved, and communicate if needed. She just couldn't visit them all the time, though the first person on her mind when she stopped mourning, was Jayfoot. She knew she had always had feelings for the tom, stronger than she should have. But it wasn't until she was dead that she realized she loved him, and now that she was dead, there was a stronger border between them than the Clan lines. 

So that's why she was visiting him in a dream. She had to say goodbye - she was sure she'd visit him again, but he didn't even know she was dead. The former queen entered the toms dreams fairly easily, though she was out of breath when she finally reached him. It was almost as if she had walked off a cliff towards a far off land, but hadn't fallen. She'd stayed afloat, and she began running.

"Jayfoot," she gave him a smile as she approached. She looked younger now, and scar-free. Her features were softer and prettier, and her pelt perfectly groomed and free of blood. He would get to see what she looked like before she was scarred, and he wouldn't see her wounds from when she died. I miss you so much.

[Jayfoot]

Days had swept past. The moon had waxed and waned. The seasons crawled by. Life continued as it did. And still, Jayfoot thought of her. And still, it warmed his heart and broke it into pieces. Moons - that was how long since he had last seen her face, but each feature was etched into his mind permanently. Her soft, plush fur the color of freshly fallen snow, eyes that shined like copper stars, a smile that brought warmth to every nerve of his body. Her laugh rang in his dreams, ethereal and glorious, every night. Jayfoot remembered the feeling of her petite form against his side, and if he paid close attention, he was sure he would be able to hear the steady thrumming of her heart. She was beauty, and she was everything.

Tonight was every other night; it was always the same. The calico warrior tossed and turned in his bedding, and slowly, he was lulled into a deep sleep. Darkness swallowed him, but he didn't fret. He knew soon enough, he'd dream of her. Of Lightfall. Smiling, laughing, breathtaking, beautiful Lightfall. He anticipated the moment he glimpsed her in his mind, and it never failed to make his heart stop every time.

But this time, it was different. He could sense it in his very bones. He was in a different place - his dreams were never of the same setting twice - but for some reason, Jayfoot knew something else was going to happen. "Jayfoot." Her voice was music to his ears. His heart sped, and he turned towards her. His face broke into a grin. It took him a moment to realize that he began to move to meet her. Her fur against his was an exquisite sensation, and Jayfoot buried his nose into her neck. "CloudClan, you're so beautiful," he breathed out, as he had always done each night.

Something still bothered his mind. How did this feel so real? Was he still even dreaming? And she even looked different. The faded marrings on her body were no longer present, and she appeared younger, happier, more peaceful. Never mind that. You only have these moments with her; cherish it.

[Lightfall]

Lightfall searched the male's face for a reaction to the fact that she was dead, but she only found happiness, mirroring her own. But happiness wasn't the only emotion dancing through her golden-amber eyes. Desperation and grief were clear as day behind the transparent mask of glee as he moved towards her. He didn't seem to know she was dead… or did he? Would he really be that happy? A small look of worry crossed her features before he pressed against her and all doubts were lost.

His smell was intoxicating and his pelt warm, and she suddenly felt dizzy with him.  Her chest was aching, she didn't know why, and her eyes were only for him. He was all she could see as the background faded and blurred. He didn't seem embarrassed to admit that he thought she was beautiful, which came as a surprise. He… he thinks I'm beautiful? She sucked in a breath, remembering what she needed to tell him. She couldn't sway off track as much as she wanted to. They could speak about personal matters later.

He must think this is a dream. He doesn't know I'm actually here. she calmed down for a moment, wondering if she could let him keep thinking that. Then she could say whatever she wanted to without feeling embarrassment, and he wouldn't know it was really coming from her. But didn't she want him to know that it was? After a moment, the starry queen pulled away slightly, but remained close enough to feel the heat of his skin. Oh how she wanted to melt against him and stay there forever. She'd never been able to sleep beside him, or to share a den. Or even to share prey. Their love was forbidden - though of course, she did not yet know how much she did love him.

"CloudClan your so beautiful." "That's the problem. CloudClan is my home now," her voice was too quiet. It took all her strength to say what she was about to say. She hadn't yet decided how she would say it to him, she decided she would wing it. But now she was regretting that decision. "I… I'm dead, Jayfoot."

[Jayfoot]

Pure mirth heated Jayfoot's entire form until he felt like he was going to implode from all of the happiness it felt. The dreams of Lightfall had always visited the calico's mind, and yes, it made him beyond joyful, but tonight, it felt different, felt more intense, more true. Jayfoot found no explanation, and he decided that he didn't need one. Everything was perfect. Everything was fine. Lightfall was with him once more as he had always craved, and he wished for nothing else.

But never in any of his dreams did Lightfall pull away, and yet she did so now. Bewilderment washed over him like water, and Jayfoot gaped. "L-Lightfall? Is everything alright?" he fretted, already missing the pressure of her body against his. The she-cat spoke of problems. Jayfoot saw none. "What are you.. What are you saying? Your home? The problem? I.. there shouldn't be problems!" Distress melted away the euphoria he practically became. She had never acted this strange before, and a nervous feeling gave hint that this wasn't just another dream.

His wide amber eyes searched Lightfall's for an answer. He wished he never did. "I.. I'm dead, Jayfoot." The world crumbled and fell and tore apart, and Jayfoot with it.

"..No, you can't be.."

[Lightfall]

Her eyes melted and turned soft, caressing his face with her gentle gaze. "Jayfoot…" she said, her voice a sigh. "This isn't just a dream. I needed to tell you," her voice was tight with urgency. Who knew when he'd wake up? She had to be quick. Nightmares, as this one could likely be, often woke up the dreamer sooner than normal dreams. Besides, she didn't have much experience with dream-visiting yet - Jayfoot was her first one.

She could visibly see his distress. It was in the way his face fell and his shoulders slumped. "..No. You can't be.." Her eyes grew wide and she leaned forward to nuzzle his cheek, trying to comfort him. There wasn't much she could do - she was sure her pelt was cold (probably not warm and comforting) to the living. She turned away, not wanting to look at him for fear of breaking down. A soft, warm breeze ruffled her pelt. "It's true. I wanted to tell you because…" Because your always on my mind. "Because. I've come to terms to the fact that I've died, but it doesn't help the sadness much at all. I was killed by an eagle."

[Jayfoot]

The sound of his name rolling off of her honeyed tongue sent Jayfoot weak and aching to hear it again, but the effect was lost on him tonight. The urgency, the reluctance, the sadness in Lightfall's lovely voice extinguished what fire burned in the tom's stomach. It was no dream, that much was true. But no matter the drastic change of mood, the bleakness that hung in the air, Jayfoot knew it was her, and that was enough for him. His eyes glistened with tears, his heart felt constricted, but it was okay. It had to be okay.

Jayfoot let out a low, keening noise at the touch. He moved in closer, tried to lengthen the time they stood so close. He could feel his spirits drop again when she pulled away, not even holding his gaze. "K-Killed by an eagle?" Lightfall - beautiful, sweet, endearing, breathtaking Lightfall - killed in the most horrible, most gruesome manner. It angered the tom just thinking of it. "You.. you deserved so much better.. so much more.."

"You deserved more time, and they took that away from you.."

[Lightfall]

Lightfall lifted amber eyes slightly, a soft breeze ruffling her feathery fur, leaving it spiky and unruly. The calico seemed angry - at first, the queen was confused, until she saw the deep sadness behind that rage, and she understood. She longed to press against his side and to murmur in his ear - but would that get her point across? Would that help him realize that they could never see each other again - not alive and breathing. They couldn't truly be next to each other, until he was old and worn down, and until his time came. But that would be many years from then. I'll wait. For however long it takes. 

"Better? More?" She asked, slight confusion clouding her lively eyes. "What do you mean? My time was up. It must have been, right…?" She glanced down at her paws, for once wondering if she had been taken from her children, from her love, from her family too soon. Had it not been intended? Had the earth done this for its amusement? Or had it been trying to pick off the weak?