Neutrois

[Deleted]

Hi. I had a fun little self-discovery experience this morning; figured I'd share. I don't expect many of you to read this or even really care - but I needed somewhere lay everything out for myself, and this is the most fitting place.


Those who know me are probably aware that I've struggled with gender for a while. It wasn't much of a problem until puberty. But despite everyone saying I'd get used to the physical changes, or the common reassurances along those same lines, I've always been uncomfortable with my body. Still am, actually, though technically I'm an adult now. After I became more familiar with the internet, I stumbled across the LGBTQ+ community and started doing some research.

But it wasn't that simple. Even knowing about people who transitioned from female to male or vice versa, none of it really seemed to fit. A few more years passed before I learned of nonbinary identities - and yeah, here was something that resonated with me. I started referring to myself as gender-neutral, for lack of a better term; asked online friends to use they/them/their pronouns when taking about me, since I was never a fan of the other neutral pronouns. That done, I felt a little more comfortable with myself… in the virtual realm, at least.

The problem is that society doesn't see anything other than male and female. Sitting down and explaining my gender to every new person I meet just isn't plausible (not to mention that some are rather opposed to the entire concept and I'd rather not have to deal with that mess). So, for the sake of convenience, I decided that I would present myself as male in the real world. It's still difficult, as I try to walk the narrow androgynous line while falling slightly on the masculine side. Some days I can pull it off, other days I'll get weird looks or people will use the wrong pronouns. That's just a constant struggle for the time being.

But now I'm coming to realize that gender-neutral is a bit of a flimsy term. It doesn't sound like an identity so much as a general designation, if that makes any sense. You can raise a kid in a gender-neutral environment, firefighter is a gender-neutral word. I've been searching for something that encompasses the state of being itself. And that brings us to my main point.

Neutrois. A few hours ago I found this site and immediately knew I was home. The word has as much meaning as male or female, and though its definition leaves some ambiguity in terms of genderless versus gender-neutral, I think that's actually for the best. After all, guys aren't always into monster trucks and ladies don't always wear makeup. The third gender requires a bit of wiggle room too.


I guess what I'm trying to say is that I haven't changed, just located a more solid name for my identity. And it feels really great. My hope is that neutrois will be officially recognized one day… that I won't need to pretend to be a dude. That neutral pronouns will be established and integrated into society. It's not gonna happen anytime soon, but maybe it will one day. For now, at least I'll know who I am.