It was the middle of the night in FireClan. Recently, this had become Voleblaze's favorite time to haunt dreams. Except he wasn't really going to be spooky and scary tonight; it was only a casual visit.
Vole swooshed into the warriors' den, invisible to the living as always, and leaped into the midst of a certain tortoiseshell tom's dream.
I let out a small sigh as I breathed in the fresh air. I wriggled my toes curiously, realizing that it wasn't grass or dirt that I stood on. It was sand, something I vaguely recognized from the RockClan borders, the fine matter resting around rocks and blowing up with the wind. There definitely wasn't this much though, no where near this much in fact. The entire ground was made of it, shifting ever so slightly underneath my feet as I walked. I looked out over a body of water that lapped at the sand gently, unlike the rest of it which crashed into itself in an easy rhythm, something I could fall asleep to. I turned my head, the mist stinging my eyes as I heard a familiar voice. My eyes widened and I felt my body go rigid. I turned around fully, face lighting up. "V-Vole...blaze?" I dashed towards him, consumed with a bright passion. I moved to pounce on him and pin him to the ground, giving nuzzles and small licks to his cheeks. "Y-you... how... I c-can't..." I took a shaky breath and stumbled back, feeling the tears prick in my eyes. "H-how?"
"Nailed it," the spirit replied with a cheerful grin. Next thing he knew, however, Foxtail had tackled him to the sandy ground and was licking him rather insistently. It probably felt weird. He might be able to take on a physical form in dreams, but his fur wasn't coarse and bristly like it had been when he was alive. Rather, it felt smooth and ghostly now, as though something could pass through him if it pressed hard enough.
Voleblaze let his mate continue his exuberant greeting for a few moments. "Alright, alright; let me up," he meowed then, squirming away slightly so he could regain his footing. It was good to see Foxtail again. Of course, he probably had a lot of explaining to do. The whole dying thing obviously left Fox pretty upset.
"Well, turnth out it'th not too hard to vithit dreamth. Jutht taketh a bit of figuring out at firtht. You can thank Darkthtar for me being dead, by the way; Blackthorn lied outright about the circumthtanceth."
I squinted my eyes, forcing the tears to exit my eyes completely as I backed up so that Voleblaze could pick himself up. "S-sorry. I got ex-excited..." I looked down at my front paws with embarrassment, feeling my ear tips grow hot. I tried to occupy my mind with watching the sand shift in between my toes as I kneaded the ground. I felt myself stiffen at the mere mention of Blackthorn's name. I let out a sigh and flattened my ears. "I-I don't even want to know wh-what he lied a-about." I clenched my teeth as I stared back at Vole, trying to keep my gaze as even as possible. "I-I used him... I felt so damaged and a-alone again. I d-didn't know where t-to go and he w-was there. I'm s-sorry. You d-d-don't have to f-forgive me. I-I'm sorry." I felt my gaze break and my resolve shatter as I hung my head, staring at my sand flecked paws in shame. I was despicable to do something so wrong, especially after his death. "I-I miss y-you... so m-much."
His ears twitched slightly. Everything had become pretty chaotic after Voleblaze joined CloudClan, what with the deputy covering up cannibalism and then apparently being in love with Foxtail, who'd been all too happy to move on. That had hurt. Vole tried to forget about it, but now it was all pushed to the front of his mind, and he frowned.
"Blackthorn wath going to hurt you thomehow, I'm certain of it. He'th jutht ath bad ath Darkthtar." How much did the tortoiseshell know? Was he aware that the rumors and jokes about FireClan's leader actually had some truth behind them? Despite his best efforts, it seemed that many cats still brushed off the tales as fictional.
Voleblaze shrugged half-apologetically. He wasn't going to lie and pretend that wishing hard enough would bring him back to life. "Thorry. Dream meetingth are the betht I can do, though."
I stared at him and felt the utter shock weigh down on my shoulders. "He w-was—? I've known h-him since k-kithood... and I-I just... I t-tried so hard to th-think that maybe C-Cloudclan took y-you away b-because it w-wasn't meant t-to be, b-but I... I know th-that isn't true... it c-can't p-possibly be. I w-won't let i-it be." Tears started to stream down my face and desperately tried to tuck my head into chest fluff, muffling the slight sobs that mumbled out. It wasn't fair, but then again what ever was fair? Who defined what fair was, really? Maybe my life was better. It probably was compared to the many other suffering cats around... right? Then came the dark thoughts, surfacing to the top of my mind, pushing their way through the not too strong barricade I'd made in front of them. I swallowed thickly and looked up, any light that lasted in my eyes suddenly dying out, a blank emotion glazing over them. "Hah, it's funny. What is the point of living? Do I really have a reason to stay back? My mate is dead. I have no friends. My alliance's leader is the apparent reason of my mate's death. Funny that I haven't already jumped off of a cliff somewhere high up, right? I'm a nobody." The stutter had disappeared in my voice as the nearly monotone voice that was tinged with hurt rang out, the eerie mixture of confidence and humility in it rather clear.
