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Post by Petalfur on Nov 4, 2015 19:52:46 GMT -6
She was pacing back and forth in the clearing - their clearing - like some deranged fool. Her heartbreak had been replaced first by confusion, then with disappointment. Now the only thing that ran through her veins and clouded her eyes was anger.
Petalfur had approached him earlier that evening, as soon as she saw he was back. The Bengal had stormed up, demanded that he meet her at this location, then turned her back and stomped off. She didn't even check to see if he had heard her, let alone known she had approached.
So Petalfur paced that mossy clearing, deaf to the wind and numb to the dew and blind to the auburn- and flame-colored leaves. The world ceased to exist around Petalfur, and the only thing that she could think to do was pace and pace and pace, and hiss at herself and hiss at him; Hiss at the thought of Ashfrost
It was his scent that hit her first. Petalfur turned sharply, her eyes replaced with some cruelty that she didn't know she ever possessed. Her hackles rising and her ears flat against her head, she stared him down. "How could you!?" she barked before thinking, and the trees waved her on and the wind cackled with it. Template by Meg❤ |
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Post by Ashfrost on Nov 4, 2015 21:59:38 GMT -6
Alright so he had known the anger was going to come. It had been just obvious. He had left...again. He couldn't tell her why and he didn't even know why. He always knew he was returning, but he hadn't even told her he was going. He just did. So when he came back with the winter, she had been waiting, like he had know she would. And of course she was so angry and she wanted to know why. Understandable.
What took him by such surprise whas the fact that her anger was so real and so fierce. Her eyes were alight and her anger radiated heat off of her body. Her words were spit at his feet and her muscles were tensed as if she could just jump at him at any moment and spill his blood. He could see that. And it sort of scared him.
She had always been the one who waited and loved him. She had been the forgiving patient one who never moved suddenly and never changed quickly. She was a constant who had just become a variable. She threw her wrongs at him but somehow he didn't even flinch. He walked further into the clearing as memories of all sorts flooded into his mind. Somehow this conversation was going to be very different than the others. It could all really end here and he knew it. So how come he wasn't as scared or angry or...or anything. He was cool and collected as he walked forward in confident strides as his silvery eyes gave way to nothing.
When he spoke, his voice was smooth and calm though it really shouldn't have been. But it was and he couldn't have explained why. "Petalfur," he said dipping a head. He couldn't add a 'nice to see you' or 'how are you' because the situation made that much to inappropriate. He could have tried and 'I'm so sorry and I know I made a massive mistake' but those who da didn't come. Only her name came. Nothing else could be said. And yet he just wanted her to know what lingered inside his mind.
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Post by Petalfur on Nov 5, 2015 21:22:10 GMT -6
She didn't flinch physically, only wincing internally, at the reality of her tone or his seemingly calm demeanor. But it was hardly anything, only flickering in her eyes for a split second then diminishing with the gusts of wind. Taking a step forwards towards him, hurt tracing her facial features, Petalfur shook her head, as though the single word that should have soothed her, tamed her, caused her to throw herself at his feet and weep with joy, was only sparking venom.
"How could you!?" Petalfur repeated with a sharp lash of her tail. "You promised me!- We promised!! I bore your kits because I loved you!!" Tears began, tears she knew were coming but despised. Her last three words were choked by pain and drowned in hopelessness: "I loved you..."
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Post by Ashfrost on Nov 5, 2015 22:27:09 GMT -6
The words she spit at him made him flinch, visibly this time. But it didn't bother him as much as it used to. She knew him to well and she knew when he was acting around her. Even in her state of pure anger, she knew. And he knew that she did. Never in his life had he seen her angry like this. Somewhere really deep down, he knew she had a right to be angry. But so badly, he didn't want to admit that. So he supposed he wouldn't. He stood taller still, facing his angry, broken, probably ex-mate and lowered his gaze to meet her narrowed furious eyes. Of course he was able to hold her gaze, no matter what shame he should have felt. Pride did that to him.
But those words. The words she had uttered settled into his mind. She was right. The kits they had they had had together. They were supposed to be symbols for the love they shared together. And now that was gone. He had promised not to leave her and he had. And now that was gone. Even the promises he had made to himself for her were gone. He had done everything wrong and had broken them all. And truly, he did not mean to. But he was so selfish. And he was so brave. It was so true. How could have he done this to her? Yet he had and he didn't even know why he had.
What had drawn him away again? What had mad him turn away? How could he live with himself every day? He hated himself and somehow, in that moment, he knew he always had. But when he was with Petalfur, he believed in himself more, he believed that if someone could love him, that he could learn to love himself. But he was wrong. He was unlovable and untouchable. Getting close to him was dangerous. He remembered telling Petalfur that so long ago.He remembered warning her. But she was so bright and beautiful and strong that she didn't care and he loved her for that.
He should have knows not to let anyone close. No matter how close they can get, the all slip like sand. All of them. This point proved his point. It was his doing, but they all slipped. He hated himself and he was the cause of everything. But there was still one truth he could not deny.
"I loved you to, Petalfur. I loved you more that the world itself and more that my own life," His voice came out low but not a whisper. It did not shake or falter only because it was the one truth he knew and he was losing.
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Post by Petalfur on Nov 6, 2015 16:54:33 GMT -6
Petalfur didn't move as Ashfrost stood taller, obviously his pride getting in the way of his true emotion. Instead she flattened herself to the ground so that if he did in fact mean to harm her, she could strike him in the belly. This was all theoretical, of course - she knew in her heart that he would never hurt her.
Despite her rage, Petalfur did still love him, and it pained her to be so harsh and to will herself to pull away. But she also knew that she couldn't let herself be harmed again. She had to find someone else, not Tigerfrost, not Ashfrost, but the cat out there that wouldn't betray her trust. I'll find him, regardless of the ups and down. Maybe even things could be different with time? The thoughts crossed her mind, but were quickly broken as Ashfrost said something that, despite the honesty that poured from his lips, stung her.
"More than the whole world, huh?" She said with persistent bitterness. "Tell me, then: Why'd the world get to cherish your love more than I did? Why is it that you left me alone when I needed you most? WHY!?" Template by Meg❤ |
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Post by Ashfrost on Nov 6, 2015 18:17:50 GMT -6
So many bitter words, so much harshness that it battered at his mind and devoured all the compassion and hope he had left in him. Ashfrost didn't know that answer to her questions. He couldn't answer them to save his life. Not could he truly tell Petalfur that he didn't know why he left. It didn't matter at all because it was all his doing and he had hurt her so baldy because of him. He sealed his mouth shut and said nothing. But he could see her, slipping like snd between the fingers as that familiar darkness and anger rose and swirled inside of him.
He was powerful with fear and anger. He could be lethal with them. They were some of his closest companions but they were by no means his friends. He had worked hard the majority of his life to hold in those feelings and never to harm or react because of them. But they swirled harshly now and he had to control himself so much that his muscles were taunt and his eyes sharp and almost hard.
This was the end. He knew it now and all he could do was move it. It was as clear as crystals now. But he would not be daunted by it. Fate had his future written in its body. What if he and Peatlfur never were really meant to be? Maybe there was another cat out there to sooth his raging storms of silver and darkness? He never thought of this before but now, now it was so clear it blinded him.
He backed away from her, slowly, but not submissively. He needed out but he needed out without hurting her more. As much as he hated this, he loved her still and he believed he always would in some sort of way or another. No more pain needed to come of this. No more. It needed to end here. And She needed to make her choice.
"I understand your anger and pain," he said with strength coming as each word left his lips. "I understand what I did is wrong and I understand why you need to leave me. You have always fought for our loved like you never doubted it even when I did. But I never fought for it too. It takes two to grow in love and you were pulling alone. It is your choice what happens here and I understand whatever choice you make. But I will not forget this and I will never forget your name. I will always love you in some way. Know that." A pause stretched out. "You choose what happens now, but know this: my battle cry has not yet faded."
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Post by Petalfur on Nov 6, 2015 19:46:31 GMT -6
She wanted to stop him so bad it made her ache. Somehow his own words sent chills of desperation through her, and she found her pain subsiding and her foothold faltering. Staggering a bit forward, resetting the distance Ashfrost had put between them, Petalfur let herself stand a touch taller. She knew she loved him, and she knew he loved her, but how can they share that love without trust?
"Ashfrost, I-" Petalfur found herself at a loss of words. Her rage had diminished to a small flame, and her guilt and sadness returned to her. She let her own silence stretch out, shaking her head much less vigorously than before. This isn't who I am. I can't let my anger consume me, Petalfur thought, feeling the moss between her toes draw away her hot fury, the wind brushing away her hackles. "I'm sorry..." And that was all she could say before her tears overthrew her.
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Post by Ashfrost on Nov 6, 2015 20:24:44 GMT -6
Ashfrost watched Petalfur crumble as tears fell from her once clear and bright green eyes. He stood there a moment and let her cry. Sometimes one needed to feel the sadness to release it. After a few moments he stepped closer, almost shyly and touched her shoulder.
"It was never your fault," he muttered into her ear, bending down to her level. "It was always mine. You and I both know that." He comforted her with smooth licks on her shoulder letting sorrow surround them.
It was a few more moments before he spoke again. He adjusted his head so that he had to connect eye contact with Petalfur. There he let himself lose himself in the sad pools that made her green eyes. Then he straightened a bit and offered a gentle smile before uttering another word.
Slowly, he wiped away a tear. "Don't cry Petalfur. Your to strong for that."
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Post by Petalfur on Nov 7, 2015 17:30:45 GMT -6
As Ashfrost bent down to sooth her pain, Petalfur couldn't bring herself to say anything. She let him speak, let him smooth her fur, shudders wreaking havoc on her body as the hurt left her in tsunamis. Burying her head in Ashfrost's fur, Petal wished things could go back to how they were. Petalfur only opened her eyes when Ashfrost curled his head around to look into her own, and reflected in those silvery eyes she saw that he was as hurt as she was.
When he stood, Petalfur's gaze drifted back down to the mossy carpet, another shudder sweeping down her spine. "Only the strong ones cry," she whispered.
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Post by Ashfrost on Nov 7, 2015 18:17:04 GMT -6
Ashfrost sighed. It was hard to see someone you knew to be so strong crumble and cry. It was hard to know that you were behind that and nothing you could do could change what happened. Its hard to know that you cannot go back to how it was and that scars don't fade. He let Petalfur cry and let her emotions was waves around him. He sat in silence and said nothing for a good time more. So what happened next? Thats what he wanted to know.
Finally he spoke, he voice sounding to loud in the silence, making him cringe. "What happens now Pealfur. What do you want me to do?" He sighed. "What can I do to make you hurt less.?"
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Post by Petalfur on Nov 8, 2015 0:26:02 GMT -6
She let the quiet consumer her again after he spoke, asking her questions that confused her because she didn't understand how he could have read her mind, let alone what those answers were. What now? Can we ever recover? What now? Will we never be able to share gazes without weeping? What now?
Petalfur just shook her head, uncertainty bathing her in it's chilling embrace. Petal felt weak and ashamed of her earlier tone and aggression, and wished only that somehow, in someway, they could be happy."Just continue to care about me," was all she said at first, then, "Just be my best friend and that's all I could ever ask for out of this. That's all I deserve for what I've said."
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Post by Ashfrost on Nov 8, 2015 19:09:16 GMT -6
Ashfrost backed up alittle, needing to feel the cool air on his hot skin. He smiled every so gently at the cat whom once held his heart and dipped his head. Being her best friends was something he could do. Something he would never fail her for. And he knew that he was safe and she could be safe and we wouldn't hurt her.
Don't let them too close, his mind still whispered those words. They were so right though. Those words were always right but he had let his heart decide. Not again though. Not again.
Slowly Ashfrost turned to walk away, his dark figure dissolving into the mist. But just before he was out of reach, he calmly looked over his shoulder and studied Petalfur with his fierce silver eyes.
"I will see you soon my dear. Soon," he promised. Time would bring them to meet each other again. Soon.
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