First Story (tips helpful <3)

[Deleted]

Yeah, I decided to start a hobby of writing and this is one of the ideas I scraped up, casual but its a start, tips and reviews helpful. Anyways, yeah, codos to you all and hopefully enjoy

I will never forget the day of the start of what the citizens call 'Zombie Wildfire'. I sat on a bench in the park, doodling some birds for my art class. When the birds suddenly flew off in haste, I was confused, no one was at the park besides me, or at least I thought so. My brown eyes settled on a dark figure limping towards me, I flinched and jumped off the bench, seeing its greenish and torn skin. This is NOT happening, this is not happening.... I thought to myself as I ran, dropping my sketch book as I ran from what seems to be a zombie. My brown jacket flapped in the winter air. I headed to the nearest friends house, soon I saw more zombies coming like wildfire, probably how it got its nickname. I screamed as a undead female grabbed my arm and started tugging. I drew my lucky pocket knife and wedged it into my attacker, running as soon as the zombie let go of her arm. I saw the yellow house of my friend Madison's house and I banged on the door. "MADDI! OPEN THE DOOR!" I screamed, looking over my shoulder to see a swarm of zombies wandering the steet, and mostly the whole town for all she knew. A short blonde opened the door and stared at her with tired eyes. "Belle, its winter break, I need my naps..." Madison yawned, I shoved her in and slammed the door. "Whats this all about? Did you piss off Corrine again?" She asked, flopping down on the nearest couch. I shook my head violently and dragged Madison back up. "NO, there are real life zombies out there and they're probably all around time!" I explained, shaking Madisons weak shoulders. Madison was one with dazing off, but boy did she have quick realization skills. She rushed up to her room and grabbed her jacket. I looked in the kitchen for weapons, but only found a long cutting knife, eh, will do. Madison rushed down with a bat in her hands and explained her plan. "Ok, we find Corrine, Megan, and Louis, beat up some zombies, and get the heck out of here!" I nodded and called Louis first, probably my first choice for if we run into some zombies. I heard the front door rattle badly and I screamed at Madison. "Maddi, we need to get out of heeerrrreeee!" I then yank on Maddi's hand and go to the garage, where her minivan was. "Now drive! They're gonna be here any second!" I said. We both got into the van and Madison started driving out of the garage and out into the town to find our squad. Louis finally picked up the phone and answered with, "Belle, what the fudge is going on!" I heard moaning and blood curtling screams, and all when silent. I sat in a frozen position and watched as Madison drove, running over a few undeads.


Hope you have some tips, I think I rushed a large bit.

[Fallenmist]

I think it's great, though it's a little confusing. You seemed to skip part of it, and we have no way of telling who(or what for that matter) anyone is. At one point you switched from first to third person with your main character, which I'm assuming was by accident. Other than that, I think you just need to steady you're pace a little so you're not rushing and leaving parts out. I find for creating trial stories along with getting people's opinions, this is a pretty helpful website. I use it myself!