I had to write a story, for english class.

[Spottedheart]

It had to be 500-1000 words in length, and take place in the beginning, end, or middle of a story. I thought it was really good, so I am sharing it with you guys. I hope his is the right bored, if it is not, let me know.
pastebin.com/A9E9u0NY

Attachments:

2.3.13 Telling a story.docx (14.3 KB)

[Hornetstripe]

I went and had a read of it myself (although I may have accidentally clicked the download link and scared myself half to death), and quite honestly aside from the slight overuse of commas, good job! Just keep in mind you can use semicolons (;) to indicate a pause rather than a comma in some occasions (I'll chuck a link about it HERE). But great job! You'll definitely become a very skilled writer in the future if you keep practising.
So that's about it, I might add some more to this after I give it another read
-tips hat-

[Spottedheart]

Thank you very much. :-) I was reading it over again, and will try to work on the commas. I was thinking about continuing the story.

[Hornetstripe]

If you do, please let me know. I'd be happy to read the entirety of it, maybe edit if you're looking for that. The story seems like it could have quite an interesting lead-up and continuation, and I'm quite curious to know what happens next, and who that random she-cat in the den was X) Good luck on the rest of the story!
If you need any tips with anything writing-related, just give me a PM and I can help you out (as an aspiring author with very low self-motivation, helping other people is basically what I do :) )

 also following you now because i want your hair oml 

[Spottedheart]

D'aww, thank you very much. And of course, I won't forget that she-cat; I want to avoid any incidents with a Chekov's gun. Hehe.

[Spottedheart]

pastebin.com/iSQS7WDC PART 2, written for another assignment. I included the assignment so you guys would know why I wrote it the way I did. Hope you all enjoy.

[Hornetstripe]

Hey, me again :p
Good job on this piece, too! I actually think I enjoyed this once even more than the last (probably because I'm a sucker for action), and you did a really good job with the progression and build up. The climax was quick and well executed, although the reason for Rain attacking him was a bit vague (I understand the "we know you" part), as well as her wanting to go to the pond so bad just to prove nothing would happen (?). Aside from that minor point, the story in a whole was very enjoyable and flowed quite well. I'd just recommend reading it aloud to see if all the grammar and wording makes sense, as there were a few words that could be switched around or changed, and commas and semicolons that need re-checking.
But overall dude, great job! I apologise if you weren't looking for criticism, but I just like trying to help people improve. Keep up the awesome writing, dude! :)

[Spottedheart]

I am enjoying your critique. Glad you liked it, keep a lookout for part 3 at some point.

[Spottedheart]

Prototype for part 3
pastebin.com/qtCvVW3x

[Spottedheart]

pastebin.com/f4KqySaQ
Part 4 draft, not finished.

[Spottedheart]

pastebin.com/c4eGMNbe Part 4 revised and improved.