You Again // p

[Nettlepaw]

I had been told this a while back, something that showed you how little I was involved in her life. I had to be told it. By someone else.  My mother was dead. Now my only full blooded relative was my father.  Ugh.  Even that couldn't bring another emotion into my head though.  I would have appreciated some good old fashioned Nettlepaw style annoyance right now.  I'd even like it if my father came to see me and tried to dump a load of pity on me or, yes even this, Oneblaze making fun of my face like he used to.  Recently my head was just a mess, an obsessive thought process of training and starving myself.  If I was going to be a warrior, I had to learn to let the other clan members eat first in a time like this.  I'm young.  I can survive off of little amounts of food.

I was in the meadow, all these thoughts swamping my scarred tabby head.  I slowly looked around, not happy my clan had to be in this new territory, but at least it wasn't cold.  And it was pretty.  I slowly relinquished myself into the dew dotted grasses, resting my head on my paws solemnly as I thought of my mother.  How could she have died so young?  It wasn't fair.  But, was any of it fair?


Oneblaze

[Oneblaze]

<sup>Oneblaze had spent most of his life alone. He'd never been able to keep a friend—sometimes he couldn't even make them. The tabby knew this was his fault, but he could do nothing to change it. He didn't want to be alone forever, no. He wanted company, friends, family. God, he wanted family. He always had. But things had never really gone in his favor. His mother was dead and his father… well, his father didn't care for him. Instead, he had left One for some other family. Some other kits that he wasn't even related to. He'd been asked to take care of the two bundles of joy, and perhaps One should've asked him. But did family have to ask? Wasn't family supposed to be there for you, no asking needed?

So, Oneblaze had had no role model. He had no idea how a guy was supposed to act, supposed to turn out. That combined with the boiling rage of watching him care for another family, of being ignored by his own father, had turned into nothing good. It had made Oneblaze the cat he was, which was exactly that—nothing good. But he loved her, the cat Thornfrost had chosen over him. It had taken him forever to admit it to himself but he did and he wanted to stop. He wasn't used to the feeling, he didn't know how to handle it. And he hated her, too, for stealing his father. 

Only knowing anger and sadness his whole life, naturally, that's what side Oneblaze decided to show. That was how he dealt—be rude, he sarcastic, be mean and it'll go away. She'll hate you, but you won't have to worry anymore because you'll know there's no chance. But at the same time he didn't want her to hate him. The long-legged tom hesitated when he saw her there, laying in the grass. Something was wrong, he could tell that much. She was thinner than before and looked sleep-deprived. "What's wrong with you?" He asked in that same, smooth voice he always carried as he walked towards her.</sup> 

[Nettlepaw]

Okay, maybe I lied. I didn't think of the repercussions of this wish. That annoyingly smooth and low voice was in my ears, the words not anything but reminders of how this cat felt about me. Hatred. I looked over my shoulder, for once I was quiet, no retort or lashing out at him. I was somber. I felt hollow. I might as well answer him and get up and leave before he laughed. Oneblaze had a much harder existence up to now. This would seem like me complaining about my meal not having enough fat to a starving elder. I pushed myself up, licking my lips and staying silent for a few more moments. "My mother died. And I wasn't there for it. Someone I didn't even know had to tell me when I got back to camp. I was too caught up in my own stuff that... I don't even know the last time a spoke to her." I clenched my jaw and screamed at myself on the inside. There was no way in hell that I would cry in front of this guy.

That motivation wasn't working. I tried to think of the different punishments I'd give myself if I did, like how I had done for missing my mother's death. I was pushing myself harder, eating less, and sleeping less. It was endurance training, I told myself. It'd keep me from missing these things. It'd make me a stronger, better warrior when the time came. I hadn't slept for nearly two days, only staying awake on little amounts of food. Not a good idea. I sat back down, starting to feel lightheaded from the fast motion of standing. "Can I help you with something or would you prefer to make fun of me per usual?"

[Oneblaze]

<sup>Oneblaze sat down as she began to speak, curling his tail over his pale colored paws. He opened his mouth, ready to make a joke, but closed it after a moment. He wasn't sure what to think. He was so much more comfortable ignoring his feelings, reverting to his old, harsh ways. But he remembered when his mother had died, how devastated he'd been. And he hadn't even been very close with her, which had made the blow all that much harder. It had slowly ruined him, that and being ignored by his only other parent, and every day it slowly ate at his insides. But what had been worse, when his mother had died, was that he had been all alone. No one had offered comfort, no one had checked to make sure he was okay. He'd felt utterly and completely alone, a trend that had seemed to continue throughout his life.

He sat there in silence, instead, not used to… well, not used to not making jokes, laughing, teasing, etc.. He blinked, thinking. "Would you like me to make fun of you?" He asked. He hoped she'd say yes. He didn't want to feel, didn't want to deal with this. But he doubted she'd say yes. No, she wouldn't. He bit down on his tongue to keep himself from saying anything, then slowly released the hold. "That day in the cold. Did I tell you about my mother?" He asked, realizing only after that he'd vowed to pretend it had never happened. That way he wouldn't have to deal with it, with how he'd called her beautiful, admitted some of his feelings. But the questions poured out before he had time to think.</sup>

[Nettlepaw]

I actually snorted at the question and sighed, a weak smile on my lips. At least I knew this was the real Oneblaze. "I might take you up on that offer in a little bit actually, though I'll regret it by that time probably. I miss feeling something other than this pressing mournfulness and self loathing, so maybe get the hell annoyed out of me will help."  I curled my tail around my paws and gave a weak smile, not wanting to leave now.  It was nice to talk to him again at least.

I paused and gave him a strange look before looking down at my feet.  "No.  You didn't," I murmured quietly.  No, just about how you'd thought I was beautiful.  And then how I'd dreamt all of it up.  I didn't bother with mentioning it though, considering how he looked, I could find another time to ask him.  Or maybe I wouldn't. Because maybe just the part of him calling me such lovely words are the parts that I dreamed up.  That sounded more realistic.  "You don't— never have told me much, Oneblaze."

[Oneblaze]

<sup>Oneblaze smirked, his tail stirring slightly. "If you ever need to be made fun of, I'd be happy to do it. Annoying you is so much fun," he told her, tilting his head to the side as he studied her. He'd always known she hated herself because of the scar, but he was sure her mother's death was just making everything worse. She definitely seemed different. Sadder, weaker. Tired. "You look terrible," he commented, flicking an ear. He meant it in the way that she had bags under her eyes, she had lost weight, and that she looked completely and utterly exhausted. The tabby and white tom had never viewed Nettlepaw as ugly. While the scar wasn't attractive at all, she was still beautiful. But, those were the thoughts that made him uncomfortable and unsure of himself, something he wasn't used to feeling considering he'd always been a confident guy, so he covered them up with meanness. 

He shouldn't have said that, and he silently cursed himself for it. He'd told Nettlepaw many times he didn't remember what had happened in order to get past it, and she had seemed convinced. There wasn't any sign of shock, or anything else for that matter, but he doubted she wasn't surprised. He was tempted to tell her it had been a cruel joke, and that it really hadn't happened, or to tell her that what he'd said had all been lies. But, instead, he spoke again. "Hm? Well, she died." He cracked a smile, glancing up at the sky to hide any emotion on his face. He watched a passing bird, looking down once more when she spoke. "You aren't special, I don't tell anything much." He responded with a shrug. "Next to nothing, actually. Then again, neither have you."</sup>

[Nettlepaw]

I snorted and gave him an over exaggerated eye roll. "And you're great at it too," I said with a shake of my head.  His next words made me pause and then let out a quiet laugh.  "Nothing different than the usual then, right?"  I  said with a shrug at him.  "Thanks for the reminder of it though."  I flicked my tail and gave him a blank look, reigning in my reactions and emotions to his words.  I raised my brows as he said his mother was dead.  "Yeah, I kinda' got that.  You'd be a much better cat if your mother was still around.  Or maybe just bruised up from her hitting you over the head."  I wasn't good at dealing with sad things or sad cats.  Sad anything.  So I turned it into a joke.

I clenched my jaw as he told me it wasn't special— and I didn't know why it hurt so much to just get told that directly.  I'd already known it was true myself.  I let out a soft breath and looked up at him through my one eye.  "My name is Nettlepaw and I'm eleven moons old.  I lost my right eye in a fight with an eagle and almost got carried off.  My father didn't want me, my full blood little sister is dead, and now my mother is too.  I specialize in head-on battle and I completely suck at hunting.  My best friend... is you.  Your turn, go."

[Oneblaze]

<sup>Oneblaze made to look as if he was touched. "Thank you, I'd like to think so as well," he responded, returning her eye roll. The wind picked up, softly rustling the tall, golden grass and messing with his already unruly pelt. The sun was warm enough, though, to keep the breeze from making him cold. Then again, he was from IceClan, the home of cold. "Mm-mm," he responded with a shake of his head, a small exasperated sigh falling from his lips. "Worse than usual. Like you've been doing catnip and forgetting to eat," he responded, not mentioning her scar at all. He glared at her, his tail flicking back and forth. "And you wonder why I don't share things with you, hm? You were all upset about your mom dying and I was… well, believe it or not, trying to help. Hm. Guess I won't even try," he said.

He wasn't trying to be mean. It was just how he was. He listened to her speak, taken aback when she told him her best friend was him. We aren't even friends… or at least I didn't think we were. She hates me. He hesitated before responded, not quite sure if he wanted to reveal so much about himself. He decided to keep it fairly simple, lest she decided to make fun of or spread rumors about him. "You already know my name and it's rude to ask someone their age. My mother never spoke to me and died when I was very young. My father flat out ignored me, didn't want me, and I'm pretty sure hated me, and left to take care of a family that wasn't even his own. I grew up alone, with no family, no friends. I still am." Bitterness entered his voice. "I specialize in everything," he grinned at that, "and I guess if you would consider this friendship, then your my only and best friend as well." He sat back, watching her with a level gaze. "There. You know my life story." His voice was gentler than before, but his eyes remained guarded. Of course, there were things he'd left out, but those were things he'd rather not share.</sup>

[Nettlepaw]

As the sun started peak out from clouds, shining down on us and warming my coat from behind, I let out a little content sigh. The golden grasses whipped at my coat with the breeze that loosely tossed them. I stretched as he soft rays warmed me, my skinnier state of body making it seep in faster.  "I still am, just bad at showing it.  I'm not much for being sappy things," I said with a shrug.  Aka, that was code for: "I can't handle my emotions so I just pretend not to have them.'

I listened to his story carefully, lips in a tight line as I gave him all of my intention, ears even angling towards him.  "Ah, what a coincidence!  My father didn't want me— or my sister— either.  He said that directly to our mother and us. Yet he somehow still got sad when I didn't show him that daughterly love! I suppose it's much worse for you though," I said with a sigh, knowing how he felt.  I couldn't keep the smile off of my face though, as I rewound the words he'd said.  Only friend.  Best friend.  "I'm an awful friend— best friend, if that's what you want to actually name it as— but, I'm glad that I'm that friend.  I'd be a lot worse off without you."

[Oneblaze]

<sup>"Sappy? More like depressing," he grunted. He and Nettlepaw were similar—their stories were almost parallel to each other, and they were both prickly. Honestly, Oneblaze was a bit worse of a cat, but the point was the two were very similar. Then, at the same time, they were opposites—different opinions, different thought processes, different personalities underneath that sharp exterior. You could say it was complicated—the whole thing was. The tom relaxed slightly, spurious about this new side that Nettlepaw seemed to be showing. It wasn't nearly as... nettle-y.  

He he bristled slightly, but forced it to lay flat as she continued to talk. He'd never heard her side of the story, and she hadn't been much better off. "You had a father, though. Mine." He gritted his teeth slightly, tail tip flicking back and forth. He relaxed after a moment, a small sigh escaping his jaws. "Why are you telling me this?" He narrowed his eyes, slightly suspicious. When did she get so personal? It wasn't like her. He laughed. "I can agree with that," he said. "Though I'm not the best 'friend' either, I suppose," he added after a moment. 

"A lot worse off without me, huh?" He asked, looking her up and down. "I guess my friendship doesn't work so well, because you don't seem like you could get worse. When did you last sleep?" He twitched his whiskers, slightly exasperated. "Besides, I thought you hated me."</sup>

[Nettlepaw]

"I was trying to find a better word that wasn't so... well, depressing. I suppose you're right though, because I do have a distaste for depressing things as well," I said with a little shrug.  "He didn't raise me and wasn't around as much as you think.  He was just there because my father was one of his friends, a really good one if I'd have to say so myself.  He talked about you.. by the way.  He also said not to be... er, ah, friends with you. Friends, yeah, though I'm sure it was just a joking tone because he knows how sharp you can be."  I gave him a soft look, remembering Thornfrost and my time with him.  "Ya'know... he saved me when that bird attacked.  It would have scooped me up or... gouged me with those talons."  I didn't know why I was telling him this.  "Guess what I mean is... you remind me of him.  In different ways of course though."

I bit my lip and gave him a smile.  "Well, we haven't talked in a while.  Look what it's done to me, why don't you!"  I chuckled and gave him a raised brow before my expression fell.  How did I explain this— wait, no.  I wasn't ashamed off it.  I couldn't be.  "Two days.  I'm perfectly fine though, see?  It's just... training.  I'm not going to let my eye inhibit me from being a better warrior than everyone else, even if I have to try twice as hard."

[Oneblaze]

<sup>"Mm. Then this whole avalanche thing must be treating you horridly," he commented with a small shrug, gazing out at the sky. He stiffened when she spoke about Thornfrost. "He said that, hmm? Of course he did. A father ignores you your whole life, half the things you do are to impress him in hopes that he'll notices, and he tells you to stay away from me." He laughed, as if the entire thing was funny. It was, in a macabre way. "Like he knows me at all," he mumbled under his breath, eyes steely. You could almost see steam coming from his ears.

"I'm glad he's there for you," he said in a dead panned voice. "It would've been appreciated, though, if he would've helped me out when the fox attacked me," his voice became bitter as he remembered the attack, raising his paw to show here the fox had sunk it's teeth in, though he didn't show her the various other scars, one dangerously close to his eye. Oneblaze blinked in surprise. "Me? I'm not a knight in shining armor. I'm far from a hero. I'm not a good person," he responded, tilting his head. He didn't think he was like his father at all—then again, he never really knew Thornfrost. "I hardly doubt this is from me. I don't know what it's from, but not me. You never seemed to like me before, and it's notes if I'd have a big impact on you," he told her. "Darkpool! Two days? And you're kept up at night all because of me? I'm flattered." He smirked. "But you're going to kill yourself."</sup>