What Even Am I Anymore

[Rainspark]

Hello, my wonderful feline family.
Yue here, with a very confused question.
I am a woman, and I know I like other women.
I have never thought of myself as bisexual, and I know I'm not attracted to other men in a sexual way.
However, there's someone in my life that, despite all this, has managed to capture me (romantically, not sexually) in a very real way.
Except he is a man.
I don't know what this means for my sexuality.
There is no other man on the planet I would look at with the same romantic mindset - I just don't swing that way...right?
So then why has this one managed to confuse me so much?
I feel really comfortable identifying as a lesbian, and I have for a couple of years now, but does this make me a liar?
Is it just a crush that doesn't actually mean anything?
Is this real? Does it make me a bad person? Am I lying to people?
Please help...

[Jaykit]

well, i just started today, i'll be honest. but given that i've gone through this before, i thought i might try to help.

it doesn't mean that you've lied to anyone. if anything, and i don't mean any offense whatsoever, but i think you still don't know for sure. i think a lot of people get into the mindset that sexuality doesn't change, but it can. i know a lot of people who have gone from straight to gay to straight again. maybe it's too early in life to really decide. the important thing is to do what you feel is right. it doesn't make you a liar.

i've had this conversation myself when i was in this same situation. vice versa, actually. i told everyone i was straight but i began feeling something for this friend of mine, who happened to be a girl. guess what? i'm now happily in a relationship with her. for a few people, that was quite a shock. they eventually accepted it. trust me when i say that nobody is going to hate you for that. as long as you're happy, you do what you do and ignore what anyone else says.

i hope that helps c:

[Rainspark]

May 18, 2016 18:13:43 GMT -6 Jaykit said:

i hope that helps c:

It absolutely does!! Thank you so much!

[Jaykit]

Happy to help! And it's also nice to meet you!

[Dartingfrog]

Your sexuality can be lesbian, but there is always exceptions in love! Maybe you're homoflexible, meaning you are mostly gay but its possible for someone else to catch you eye. I thinks its still fine to identify as a lesbian, if only ONE person catches you eye ever its often easier to just say yes i'm gay. But your sexuality can change! Maybe you're a biromantic lesbian? Meaning you'd only be sexually interested in girls? If you're not comfortable with labels that's OK too, you can still be discovering your sexuality and that's alright!

[Rainspark]

AAAA THANK YOU.

It's all just a matter of time. In a couple months we'll have the minor-adult age gap to worry about, so I think waiting until we're both adults and seeing how it shakes out then seems like the best plan, I don't know.
Feelings change, or they might not.
It's confusing.

[Jaykit]

Well, whatever happens, we're all here for you!

[Ginger]

labels don't define us you are just you. you feel for people differently and certain genders in different ways you are just you.

[Rainspark]

Thanks so much, Ginger!
He and I have also been talking about the feasibility of a QPR (Queerplatonic Relationship) and that may also work, who knows.

SPOILER: Click to show

Adjective describing a relationship which is more intense and intimate than is considered common or normal for a "friendship", but doesn't fit the traditional sexual-romantic couple model. It is characterized by a strong bond, love, and emotional commitment, yet is not perceived by those involved as "romantic". The relationship may or may not have some elements or degree of sexuality/eroticism at various times, or none - it doesn't matter, because sexuality/sexual exclusivity is not what the relationship is organized around. It's defined by the intensity and significance of the emotional connection.

The people involved do not have to identify as "queer", it's a type of relationship experienced by and available to anybody regardless of their sexual orientation, romantic orientation, or (non-)monogamy. The people involved in a queerplatonic relationship may consider themselves partners, life-partners, a couple, a triad, or any other term that implies the relationship is meaningful, committed and intimate.

Quuerplatonic parters or QPs are sometimes referred to as "zucchini". As in, "he's my zucchini". This was originally a joke within the asexual/aromantic community, underscoring the lack of words in mainstream relationship discourse to signify meaningful relationships that do not follow the standard and expected sexual/romantic norms, and frustration with the erasure of other kinds of intimacy, which were perceived as equally valuable to the sexual/romantic model.

The reason that i was uncomfortable with the word 'girlfriend' was that i did not want a romantic relationship and the word seemed to imply one: I think what I may have wanted was a queerplatonic relationship.

I never understood why people were so opposed to affection of any kind towards people that are not dating, I think the world would be better if everybody could cuddle and it was not weird (kind of like how it used to be in Abe Lincoln's time when it was normal for men to sleep in the same bed together as a strictly platonic thing or like queerplatonic relationships maybe).

They told their friend about queerplatonic partnerships the same day they asked their friend if they could be queerplatonic partners, and they said yes.