.::. How To Be Random .::.

[perceus500]

You guys have not been doing it correctly. So, I have come up with an instruction pack for y'all to read. READ OR BUST!

1) Break free of conventional rules. Finishing your sentences is not mandatory, merely optional and you can do it on Tuesdays but not on Wednesdays if you so desire. This is how you must think. If you decide you want to buy rubber ducks whilst talking about something important — don't be afraid to end the conversation and do it! If you're at a college library and suddenly you just want to find Wally\Waldo, go to the desk and ask for Where's Wally\Waldo. They probably won't have it, but, hey, at least you tried!

2) Make plans and change them mid-way. Just because you're buying a new coat, it doesn't mean you can't go to the zoo on the way there. Plans should be broken if you think of a more exciting plan.

3) Be oddly specific with what you are saying. It will sound more random. For example, instead of saying, "a few years ago," be more specific and say, "a few years after the year before ten years ago, I was speaking to the brother of my sister's father."(uncle)

4) Learn random/specific colors and numbers. If asked to say a color, use "eggshell," or "dioxizine violet." (Look through Liquitex paint names for ideas; my favorite of theirs is "hookers green." And yes, that's a real color.) Also, answer with something like "pi," "e," or "the square root of seven" when asked to pick a number between one and ten.

5) Avoid "wandom" words. "Wandom" means "wannabe random." This is usually formerly random material that has been overused and is just not random anymore. Wandom words include pickle, chicken, monkey, dino, penguin, purple, pie, moo, pizza, mayonnaise, pudding, pants, rawr, socks, llama, taco (or burrito), cheese, and nose. Of course, the wandomness is fairly culturally specific to North American school culture, so feel free to ignore this step.

6) Don't be fake. If you can't be random, don't force it. People may stop liking you if you try too hard.

7) Find your word. Be sure to conform to step when picking a word. Examples of random words are smiley, knee, boing, and the like.

8) Make random noises. Things like 'mwargh' or 'oooooohh' or even 'bwah' and 'digee' will work divinely. Don't try for this, though. You have to kind of be in your own world first.

9) Don't forget random actions, like clapping randomly, or bobbing your head like a budgerigar (budgerigar a.k.a. budgie: small Australian parakeet).

10) Random names work well. Try using Chris Mear, Mr. Chesters or The Teletubbies; all perform well.

11) Put on a very normal outfit (e.g., jeans and T-shirt) and add something ridiculous (e.g., a huge chicken mask). Of course, you could also go with strange clothing all the way -- you might want to invest in things like suspenders, top hats, parasols, glitter vests, canes, ribbons, army boots, hippie or (real) vintage things, neon things, etc. (The trick is to have basic staples: plain T-shirts in varying colors and a couple pairs of blue jeans, maybe in gray, paired with freaky accessories). NB: wearing 'random' clothing will lose you randomness points in whatever else you happen to do - people will see how ridiculously stupid you look and ignore the randomness of your words and/or actions. Sorry, but it's true.

12) Have fun with it. Just look at it as a way to express your originality. Don't be random just to imitate others. Use it as a talent. Think of it as a way to be happy.

13) Get used to forming odd obsessions, like a certain state, food, person, or animal. Make them very public and insane. There are certain topics though that are just old and used: penguins, llamas, Ramen, muffins, Red Bull, Mountain Dew, Monster, Michigan, celebrities like Billie Joe Armstrong, Marilyn Monroe,Ryan Ross, Benji and Joel Madden.

14) Remember, RANDOM stands for Rather Average Nighttime Duck Of Mine.

15) There is absolutley nothing wrong with breaking into random accents

16) Cite interesting tidbits of seemingly frivolous information when the situation permits it. (Like during a pause in the discourse. Don't be rude.) Also, any brief anecdote beginning with "'This one time...'" that remotely pertains to the subject being discussed works like a charm. Just make sure your friends will think it's funny. Don't weird them out.

17) Add extra bits to words! For example, Edit can be turned into EdIMIFY, Philosophical can be PhilAMAHsophical and so on. Making words longer is the most funAMAST part of randomness

18) The word "The" can provide endless fun. You can always add "the" to the beginning of words such as Internet, Youtube or FaceBook. These turn into "The Internet" OR "The Interwebs"*, "The Youtube" and "The Facebook." Feel free to change "the" into "teh", you always have the option of saying "teh" or spelling it when writing it somewhere. *Interwebs is a more random version of Internet.

19) Change the regular pronounciation of some words. California can be turned into "Cal-ee-For-Nigh-A",or even "Cal-eye-phor-nee-ay" so it's said "Californighia" or "Caliphorneae"! Be creative! You'll be surprised with what you can come up with.

20) Make a vocabulary of your own invented, edited or pronounciation changed words and use them frequently! (Although, see the warning in Warnings!)

21) Although randomness can be fun, it is important to remember to only be random around people who will laugh, not people who you know will get upset/offended.

Warnings

Please remember that RANDOM DOES NOT EQUAL FUNNY.

Doing this will make you seem really stupid to people who matter to you.

Do not use "random" words in the presence of a random person, as such person will scold you thoroughly.

You could actually be random by not being random at all! You will die cold and lonely, but at least you'll be random!

People will get annoyed with you--either use this "talent" sparingly or make it your lifestyle. There is no in between.

You don't have to change your personality to be random. People may see you as being strange if you follow these steps, as many people don't go to these extremes to be random.

Don't try to be random in front of a truly random person. The aforesaid will only laugh at you and be rude to you.

Don't try to be random, just let it come to you. If you don't you will be considered "random".

Don't use the same random saying or action more than once it gets extremely boring and annoying to your close friends.

Don't be too loud for too long. One loud saying is alright but too much will make everyone angry.

Don't laugh at your own randomness it just makes you look like an attention seeker.

Don't do unrandom things that your unrandom friends think are funny(because they're not)

If a particular random saying or action didn't pull off very well, don't laugh and don't try it again. The point is to get people to believe you're just bizarre and crazy, not a desperate attention hog.

Remember: there is no true way to be random; you are or you aren't. It's kind of like a sixth sense, you're either born with it or you're just like every other normal person on the entire planet which is not fun at all!

Remember that trying to be random defeats the entire purpose of being random, since all you are doing is looking for acceptance from actually random people, so don't try to hard, or you will fail.

Don't be random all the time. Randomness every once in a while can make people chuckle, but there is a limit to being random, and if you break that limit, people will think that you're crazy rather than funny and random.

Do NOT say "I like pie". It's unoriginal and random.

You don't have to be random all the time maybe just for an hour or two around your friends

Phrases that involve cheese, bananas pie, monkeys, ice cream/frozen yogurt, sugar, molerats, llamas, beavers, ninjas, nerd/geeks/dweebs, bathroom humor, Hannah Montana, girly girls, valley girls, etc. are completley overdone. especially cheese, bananas, and monkeys

Always use your new vocabulary of changed words to friends who get you, never strangers unless you want teasing, gossiping and so on.

Always ALWAYS, AALLWWAAYYSS run your jokes by your friends if you are thinking of going national, you could get SERIOUSLY embarrassed.

FOLLOW THEES CODE, OR I WILL KEEL JOO! (with my corn dog stick of doomitudificationifiedness)

[Fallenheart]

I seriously want to steal your lollipop. -_-'' No joke.
*scans this post*
It's too long. My infant eyes hurt.

[Redfoot]

Lollypops are for losers. Cookies are for world dominators.

[Fallenriver]

KNARF. MY EYEZ IZ BLEEDY!!! I'll eat you before you make another long Oreo.

[Nightheart]

MY MOTHER GETS MAD AT ME FOR BEING RANDOM. :3

[Frozenstream]

But being random is so randomized!